This is a long time coming but i've been in panic mode for so long I just need some advice without being judged really as i know im an idiot.
At age 22 in Around April/May 2015 i ran a cycle of test-e 250mg twice a week all the way up to September (few weeks in between i missed out because i couldn't get hold of test). I was young and stupid and just picked a beginner cycle off The web and was extremely negligent towards possible side affects. I understand how stupid I've been and accept i should never have touched the things whilst so irresponsible. Now i just want to be back to normal. Im trying to give a full account because it has got me so down i just want to be myself again, and would appreciate any input you may take the time to give.
I threw anavar in towards the end of the cylce and my balls shrivelled up to nothing at one point. throughout the cycle and to this day i have had ed issues.
At the end of the cycle in september 2015 i did a few weeks of nolvadex following dosgaes recommended online somewhere for about 4 weeks and threw in some arimidex not really knowing what i was doing. My libido was't too bad But i always struggled to maintain an erection
I had bloods done in june 2016 after months of avoiding the GP but i finally built up the confidence to go and he said everything was fine and in range so i put it down to being a psychological thing
I was slowly starting to get better libido and EQ wise looking back but was was down about it still and did some stupid 2/3 week course of winstrol at 50mg a day before i went on holiday in September 2016 as a bit of a confidence booster. ... with some friends who are also uneducated on steroid use.
Now in january 2017 i have had ED problems consistently coming up to 1 and a half years now ... and the past two months i feel my general mood and libido are shot. I paid my GP to see the blood results from june 2016 and the only useful value i could really see was that my total serum testosterone was 11.7nmol/L. This was 7 months after finishing the cycle so within range but when i looked ... well out for a 23 year old ?! My GP never picked up on this ... then i foolishly threw more steroids in myself ?!
I honestly just don't know what to do. My balls to me do look smaller than they once were but not severely atrophied and i just dont get the sexual urges i used to before steroids. I just dont feel like i used to before i touched them.
I pais to privately see an endo to see if he can help me and what he recommended and he just told me id come back naturally it may just take years. the GP told me i should go in for counselling as it could be mental. Im had further blood tests today to see where i am at as of now and am awaiting results.
I have read online about clomid and hcg to use as a sort of restart etc and was wondering whether another PCT may be worth a go ? This late ? but obviously im looking for some sort of guidance as i have made enough supid decisions already
I have Clomid on hand right now but nothing else. Is it worth giving it a go at 50mg ED ?
I know this is long and you are just thinking what a mess this guy is but i just feel like im 23 and ive ruined myself
Please would you be able to help you do not know how much i would value your input