T Nation

Reasons America Sucks


#1

Some of these are pretty funny...

Per number 3, what's this: "Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes"?

Answer: The answers when you ask Michael Moore: "Wanna pie? Wanna pie? Wanna pie? Wanna pie? Wanna pie?"

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/greg-gutfeld/by-popular-demand-americ_b_17760.html

Soon to be a book, a movie, a play, and a suppository...

GREG GUTFELD'S 29 AMAZING REASONS WHY AMERICA SUCKS!

  1. If only our culture was as inferior as those of other countries, we could fly planes into their buildings.

  2. We naively export globes with America on it, showing terrorists exactly where we live.

  3. As long as we allow him to eat so many pies, Michael Moore will continue to hate crass consumption.

  4. Not executing homosexuals or adulturers makes us a laughing stock in Islamic countries.

  5. If we truly were a corrupt corporate pawn, we would have gotten oil for blood.

  6. Our Christian leaders aren't as intolerant as their Islamic counterparts, making stateside ridicule of religion seem cowardly.

  7. Immigrants don't believe we are racist. (Still, the least the maid could do is wear the Che Guevara shirt we bought her for Christmas.)

  8. The relentless stress of tenure is causing scholars across the nation to crack under pressure.

  9. Decent standards of living make it hard for young reporters to do those "My night as a homeless person" features.

  10. Churchgoers continue to attend mass despite the added folk guitar.

  11. We only "rule" over fifty states, making us appear as underachievers to the rest of the world.

  12. Venezuela is just sitting there.

  13. Americans are too generous. We let the French come here and wait our tables.

  14. Winning the Cold War means George Clooney can tell us how meaningless the Cold War was.

  15. Replacing a dictator with a democracy doesn't sit well with my yoga instructor.

  16. We need to reduce elections, so we can feel guilty about not voting less frequently.

  17. By watching Fox News, you hurt Walter Cronkite's feelings and exacerbate Norman Mailer's dementia.

  18. No large-scale rioting occured after the New Orleans disaster. There's clearly not enough factional violence to undermine this whole melting pot thing.

  19. Our constitution is simply too lenient and doesn't allow for beheadings.

  20. Abu Ghraib proves our military is totally okay with encouraging gay lifestyles.

  21. Our army shows up early to everything, which is awkward.

  22. Uniformly applied "right turn on red" traffic rule perpetuates a racist worldview instead a society that's a beautiful cultural mosaic. Worse, faster traffic flow puts off the day when we all must
    return to sheep-drawn carriages.

  23. Bereft activist Cindy Sheehan's tears available for intravenous injection only to the very rich.

  24. Alternative medicine relegated to crackpot status instead of funded by the state. This allows socialists like Deepak Chopra to rip off old ladies using free market principles.

  25. Unending series of medical and pharmaceutical breakthroughs by private research undermines population control.

  26. The death penalty raises the price of art created by recently deceased inmates, burdening hipsters like Johnny Depp.

  27. We will probably solve global warming before anybody else, then use the solution to make more money.

  28. Native Americans getting rich off casinos instead of staying dirt-poor does nothing to prove how bad colonialism was.

  29. Democracy still an untested theory! 230 years not nearly long enough trial period to truly know if it's safe for general use.

THAT'S ALL FOR NOW, FANS!


#2

Our army showed up real early to Darfur.


#3

Americas sucks, should i say it...

Because its full of Americans

Yah boo yanks.

Still, looking forward to coming over in the summer.


#4

Are you being sarcastic about the Bush Administration and the 'genocide' or sarcastic about the Clinton Administration and the Sudanese handing over Osama or about the Clinton Administration's cruise missile attack to blow up WMDs that turned out to be an aspirin factory?


#5

With your attitude, I'd keep an eye out for the welcoming committee!


#6

Isn't that a take-off of the Edward II quote about Scotland in Braveheart?

"Freeeeeedoooooommmmm!!!"


#7

Ah, the playful side of BostonBarrister.

Miniross, count yourself lucky he didn't cut and paste the whole script to the movie.


#8

Nyah nah!

http://www.awesomefilm.com/script/braveheart_transcript.txt


#9

Please don't come here. Keep coming in front of your computer screen.


#10

If Minross comes over here, keep him in Jersey.


#11

ROTF


#12

I'll give you a reason, but you won't want to reason it.

http://www.house.gov/paul/congrec/congrec2006/cr021506.htm


#13

Any reason genocide is in sneer quotes there?


#14

First of all, take genocide out of quotes.

Second of all...no, I'm talking about the current administrations lack of concern about Darfur. (Although, it does show a certain consistency with how they generally regard black folks.)

And, yes: Clinton did authorize a cruise missile strike BASED ON FAULTY INTELLIGENCE on an aspirin factory.

Wow, a president getting faulty intelligence about WMD's? Good thing that kind of thing only happened once it didn't result in a war that killed tens of thousands of people and threatened to destabilize an entire region for no good reason whatsoever.


#15

i'm confused. Was America(and Australia) not the only country to say that genocide was happening in Darfur...that would have put troops on teh ground instantly.


#16

I think that's right -- we could be doing more though. Then again, where's the international community? There were also protests that Africa should take care of this problem itself, with some pan-African force, led by South Africa.

Yeah, the U.N. is doing a whole bunch...

And China is actively interfering exerting influence to dissuade any intervention there.


#17

The only problem I had with Clinton's missle attacks was they appeared to be timed to draw attention away from the Lewinsky fiasco.


#18

He will be welcomed here in Jersey.

MiniRoss, we may get to have our drink off yet.

Who's starting the pool here? Ten bucks on me...you limey bastard


#19

I really love the part about Americans not killing homosexuals and adulterers.

So, therefore, In arab country they punish a sin by committing another one.

Howzabout homosexuals and adulterers fucking murderers! same principle, just reversed!

I hate intolerance. Anyone that uses religion to justify hurting someone else is a bad person.
I am a little tainted in my viewpoints I suppose, but I hate it when other people judge others. I know how I feel about women. If someone felt the way I feel about women, except felt that way about their own sex, then I can understand their actions. God is the one that will judge us, and people are not supposed to judge, only the maker.
I don't like adultry much myself, becuase I think that does hurt others. I have friends that have gotten cheated on, and it sucks for them, it has got to be ten times as bad when your married. Pre-marital sex is great stuff though, been having it for about 3 years now. Everyone ought to have them a little, its good with whipped cream and chocolate sauce.
I feel an intense hatred to those who are judgemental, and I can not explain it. I hate it when people judge anyone else based on the colour of their skin, they way they talk, their sexual preference,the way they dress. It seems to me that people want to hurt those that are different. I am judgemental sometimes, but I try to watch myself.

I think that is one of the reasons American is wonderful.
Our forefathers died at valley forge, saratoga, new orleans, gettysburg, Normandy, saigon, not so we would be a nation of Conservative Christians that beat the hell out of anyone that was different. They didn't die for this country so that other people could put to death people who did not agree with their viewpoints.
They died so that blacks and whites, yellows and reds, Jews, Muslims, Christians, Catholics, Mormons, Buddhists, Agnostics, Atheists, Straights, Bi's,Homosexuals,Tall, Short, Fat, Skinny, Smart and Dumb could live in a place where they did not have to worry about their safety because they were not the same as their neighbor. They died so that both a synagogue and a church could be on the same street. They died so that men and eventually women would be able to voice their opinions in elections, so that one man did not obtain total power. They died so that people could own what belongs to them, and not have a king that owned every thing. '

I understand that our forefathers were, by in large, Christians. However, they did not seek to judge others and use their faith as a means to justify their actions.

I, for one, hope that the original American ideals of Freedom- some layed out in the bill of rights, like Religion, the Right To Bear Arms, The right to a fair trial, and others that are more or less understood-the Freedom from Fear, Freedom of Choice, Never ever perish from the hearts and minds of Americans.


#20

Nah, tell me where you live, i will set up camp.

As much as you may like it, i might even move to you.