T Nation

Read This.. One Helluva Laugh!!

ALL HEALTH FREAKS . … ITS FOR YOU…

Q: I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this
true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that’s it…don’t
waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your
heart will not make you live longer; that’s like saying you can extend
the
life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more ! fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and
corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an
efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain?
Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy
vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended Daily
allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine,
that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more
of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have body fat, your ratio is one to
one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular
exercise program?
A: Can’t think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain…Good

Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU’RE NOT LISTENING!!!. Foods are fried these days in vegetable
oil.
In fact, they’re permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be
bad
for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the
middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You
should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO … Cocoa beans … another vegetable!!!
It’s
the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! ‘Round’ is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had
about food and diets and remember, “Life should NOT be a journey to the
grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well
preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand,
strawberries in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out,
and
screaming - WOO HOO! What a Ride!”

did you find this on martial arts planet? if so, i think i’ve seen the original post.

No. Just recieved an e-mail yesterday…

Found it damn funny and just felt like posting it.

LOL

I received this in an e-mail about 6 months ago too.

Well, when I die and look back and say “WOOHOO what a ride!!!”. I want it to be because I was healthy, had fun, and had sex with hot chicks because I wasn’t a big fat slob spending my whole life palying video games and eating Hostess Cupcakes by the truck load and drinking twice my body weight per day in Mountian Dew. Everyone has the right to live their life as they want.

I’m paraphrasing Shugart on this one:

“No, being in shape will not make up for a lousy personality and no social skills but it’s better than being fat and out of shape with a lousy personality and no social skills.”