T Nation

Re-Starting Life After Huge Setbacks


#1

To make a long story short, I got kicked out of this thing called Job Corps, gained lots of bodyfat, and after my mom and I got into an argument, she kicked me out/I moved out (hard to decide exactly what happened there).

Right now, I'm in the process of appealing my termination case in Job Corps, and I may possibly be re-enrolled again.

I'm officially on my own, but it's a fresh start. First goal is to either get a job or get back to Job Corps...

I was doing really good at that place too. I held three leadership positions and almost won the presidential elections for students... But I got kicked out. That one was a long story... lol.

So here are my stats...

Best squat: 405 pounds (17 years old, 200-pound bodyweight)

Best bench press: 275 pounds (17 years old, 200-pound bodyweight)

Best clean and jerk: 205 pounds (19 years old, 190-pound bodyweight)

Best front squat: 315 pounds (19 years old, 190-pound bodyweight)

Best full squat as a 22-year old fatass: 255 pounds for 7 reps, 240-pound bodyweight. I also had a weakass bench press and everything else. But my back was somewhat strong. I could bent-row 205 pounds for 4 reps.

And right now, I'm 23, homeless, unemployed, hoping that Job Corps will take me back, and if not, start with a minimum wage job and get my ass a college degree.

It's time for me to shape up. I'm here for some tough love.


#2

Listen to this chic, really beautiful:

Then to give any advice to your question-- I’ve had about 6 major “set backs” since I was 18 (now 30). I can say in my limited experience so far that life never gets easier… only more complicated, more real, and in your face.

Be creative, optimistic, helpful to others, and just keep moving forward. Enjoy the journey and learn, no matter how painful or pleasurable.


#3

To start, quit calling yourself a fatass. That won’t help anything and will hurt your attempts at getting your shit together more than anything. :slight_smile:

I don’t have specific advice but don’t ever put yourself down like that.


#4

Figure out in a honest way why you got canned. And then figure out how to not let that happen again. As a general rule if you work hard; always put the needs of the organization ahead of your own; and don’t do something stupid to piss the wrong people off you don’t get fired.


#5

[quote]debraD wrote:
To start, quit calling yourself a fatass. That won’t help anything and will hurt your attempts at getting your shit together more than anything. :slight_smile:

I don’t have specific advice but don’t ever put yourself down like that.[/quote]

Yes!

Although it is difficult to do, constant self-effacement can be a huge drain on mental and eventually physical energy and when in the wrong mindset, it is exceedingly difficult (sometimes impossible) to focus on what’s supposed to be done.

I understand you are concerned with fitness, but it puzzles me why I eventually was informed in your post about your best gym performances after you stated you were kicked out of Job Corps and your home. If you’re homeless (and I take this as not having a place to sleep, bathe, eat, and care for physical hygiene) and penniless, then your foremost priority should be getting a job so you can have a home.

No home and money, no bodybuilding.

Are you using the word homeless in the literal sense?


#6

[quote]BrickHead wrote:

[quote]debraD wrote:
To start, quit calling yourself a fatass. That won’t help anything and will hurt your attempts at getting your shit together more than anything. :slight_smile:

I don’t have specific advice but don’t ever put yourself down like that.[/quote]

Yes!

Although it is difficult to do, constant self-effacement can be a huge drain on mental and eventually physical energy and when in the wrong mindset, it is exceedingly difficult (sometimes impossible) to focus on what’s supposed to be done.

I understand you are concerned with fitness, but it puzzles me why I eventually was informed in your post about your best gym performances after you stated you were kicked out of Job Corps and your home. If you’re homeless (and I take this as not having a place to sleep, bathe, eat, and care for physical hygiene) and penniless, then your foremost priority should be getting a job so you can have a home.

No home and money, no bodybuilding.

Are you using the word homeless in the literal sense?
[/quote]

I live in a homeless shelter right now.


#7

I’ve always felt like acknowledging personal shortcomings, whether perceived or real, eg “I’m not good enough at (blank)” are a real driving force towards achieving goals. Maybe there’s a threshold between feelings of inadequacy and actual “depression”(don’t feel like that’s the best word for what I’m trying to describe) or whatever the proper term may be.


#8

First things first, why didn’t you include deadlift on your list?


#9

for a 17 year old to have those stats it’s pretty impressive. Then again that’s prob. the highest your natural test levels will ever be. Anyways get back in there and within a year I bet you’ll be even stronger than you were before.


#10

I don’t know what transpired between you and your mother… but you might want to try to rectify the damage that was done…

rifts between family members can last a lifetime, and I doubt that’s what you want…unless of course she opened fire on you in a drunken rage…?

im sure she wouldn’t be ecstatic about the thought of you living in a homeless shelter either.


#11

I wouldn’t worry about things like your squat PR if you are jobless and homeless. Good news (I assume) is that you only have to worry about yourself and not a wife or kids that depend on you to survive. I would prioritize getting a job (vs trying to get your old job back). Any job - income is income. Get a place to live - I agree with Walkaway - figure out a way to move back in with your mom. Get yourself back on your feet and then get back in the gym.

Also, if your drink or do drugs, I recommend stopping. I don’t know that you do, but that can spiral out of control when life punches you in the face. I speak from experience.


#12

I’m not sure getting a college degree is in your best interest. I’d work on getting a job, any job, multiple jobs, getting back on your feet and then work towards building a career of some sort.


#13

the best start to putting your life together is to question random strangers on the interwebz, that way you can take advantage of the experience of us who hate our bodies sooo much that we torture them mercilessly, then we either starve ourselves, or gorge ourselves depending on whether we are bulking or cutting, then try to make time for the less important things in life, like family, kids, jobs, you know - the drudgery of life.

all we can hope for is the sweet release of death.

any-hoo - have a great holiday season, and chin up little soldier!!


#14

This is kind of a weird post…

“hey guys - my family all died in a freak accident and I am currently in the depths of grieving and coping… 6 years ago my PR for dead lift was 485lbs. I hope I can make it through all this…”


#15

[quote]csulli wrote:
First things first, why didn’t you include deadlift on your list?[/quote]

Because it brings bad memories.

My deadlift was good. 455 pounds when I was 17.

But deadlifting brings back memories when I overtrained by lifting Bulgarian-style… with a snatch-grip deadlift.

lol… It was hell.


#16

I had the same experience (big blow up) with my (former?) parents. I ran away from home when I was 16 - and have never been back.

I will say I’ve probably been through most emotions known to mankind ranging from extreme lows to extreme highs & I’m trying to stay in the middle.

So first, you need to either a) get a job (anything, I started my work career in a shop); b) find accommodation from someone, anyone at aaaaaaalllllllll. You don’t want to live in those shelters - if they are anything like Irish ones. I got “lucky” that the people I worked with pestered me to know what was wrong & put me on their couch until I had enough money to rent. I had no friends (still have none really); if you do, then you need to go and ask for money to put a roof over your head. Go to your other family members, if needed; can they put you up? You aren’t in a position, where your only hope is that shelter; suggest you use your family / friends asap.

In regards a job, get anything at all; then find a better one; and repeat. I got again exceptionally lucky after 8 jobs, I fell into a job with Amazon answering customer calls… that was 4 years ago. (spent a long time fucking about). I’m now in the UK as a manager in logistics for them & have a great career ahead of me… have 2 amazing mentors who take the time to ensure I’m ok & give me advice.

So, it’s more than possible to get yourself out of where-ever you find yourself; you can use the gym to “escape” for an hour - just don’t put off till tomorrow finding a place to crash.

I wish you well in your journey & hope you make a better go of it, than I did - wasting so many years doing sweet f@ck all!


#17

How are you accessing a gym, OP?


#18

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
How are you accessing a gym, OP?[/quote]

I don’t. I can’t right now.

That’s why I’m getting a job.


#19

[quote]BrianBonaparte wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
How are you accessing a gym, OP?[/quote]

I don’t. I can’t right now.

That’s why I’m getting a job.[/quote]

Ah. Well, that’s a good plan, then.


#20

Update…

I turned in a resume to this cable company, haven’t received a call back yet.

I did an interview for a barista position in a coffee shop 30 yards away from a starbucks… They said they will call me for a second interview if they consider me for the job.

There is a day-labor agency a few blocks away from the shelter than I am currently living in. I’m checking that out tomorrow.

So how are you guys?