T Nation

Raccoon Crapping on Roof

Every Saturday I have to go over to my mother-in-law’s house and clean a bunch of raccoon shit off her roof. The fucker is using the space by her chimney and another spot on her roof as his personal toilet. He/she doesn’t appear to be getting inside her house/attic. My questions:

  1. Why…why…why would the raccoon go to the trouble of climbing up on the roof to shit? I know it can probably get up on the roof REAL easy…but…still…why?

  2. Why 2 spots? It’s equal amounts of shit in both spots, so I don’t believe he/she’s switching spots because there’s too much poop in the first spot.

  3. How can I stop him/her from doing this? I’ve thought about putting some reading material on the neighbor’s roof and maybe a bidet.

I am 100% serious about this with the exception of the reading material/bidet on the neighbor’s roof. Any help is appreciated.

Get a rifle.

go take a dump on where he lives. see if he likes that.

two possibilities. 1, listen to yo momma and shoot the little bastard. They supposedly make for pretty good eatin. 2, and this is gonna sound weird, but take a leak on the roof. Raccoons usually don’t like the smell of human urine. I had some that kept getting into my garbage cans, so I went out back and pissed around the garage where they’re kept a few times and the raccoons never came back. And honestly, can you really resist the chance to piss on your mother-in-law’s roof with a great excuse?

[quote]sen say wrote:
3) How can I stop him/her from doing this? I’ve thought about putting some reading material on the neighbor’s roof and maybe a bidet.
[/quote]

If you own a .22 cal rifle or pistol buy some .22 short ammo and set up an ambush for that roof shitting bastard. They are nocturnal so get a spotlight throw on some warm clothes wait and aim true. The .22 shorts are almost silent so usually can be used in an urban area. which I imagine she’s in if raccoons are a problem. If deep in the city call animal control.

D

[quote]m0dd3r wrote:
2, and this is gonna sound weird, but take a leak on the roof. Raccoons usually don’t like the smell of human urine. [/quote]

This is what I was going to say. Supposedly, wild animals don’t like the smell of male human urine because they can detect the testosterone.

I’m liking the urine idea…seems simple and fun…

Would cum work just as well if not better?

[quote]sen say wrote:
I’m liking the urine idea…seems simple and fun…

Would cum work just as well if not better? [/quote]

Give it a shot.

[quote]sen say wrote:
I’m liking the urine idea…seems simple and fun…

Would cum work just as well if not better? [/quote]

Yes, but it has to be applied directly to the raccoon.

But seriously, pissing on your mother-in-law’s roof = funny story. Jacking off on your mother-in-law’s roof = fucking weird.

[quote]Yo Momma wrote:

Give it a shot.

[/quote]

Gimme a target?

[quote]m0dd3r wrote:

But seriously, pissing on your mother-in-law’s roof = funny story. Jacking off on your mother-in-law’s roof = fucking weird.[/quote]

Who said I’d be jacking off? She Say can climb a ladder…or get a friend that’s not afraid of heights or large Amish cocks.

[quote]sen say wrote:
large Amish cocks.[/quote]

Oxymoron.

[quote]Chewie wrote:
m0dd3r wrote:
2, and this is gonna sound weird, but take a leak on the roof. Raccoons usually don’t like the smell of human urine.

This is what I was going to say. Supposedly, wild animals don’t like the smell of male human urine because they can detect the testosterone.
[/quote]

NEWSFLASH

Man arrested today for indecent exposure and pissing in public.

Mr Sen Say in a statement to a local newspaper told reporters that he was simply trying to stop a racoon shitting on his mother in laws roof when law enforcement officers turned up to see him waving his oversized cock about and spraying urine over the house in full public view.

Mrs Say, his wife, managed to avoid arrest as she came down the ladder when approached. “I was just going up there to jack him off” she said.

The racoon was unavailable for interview.

Continued on page 7.

[quote]rainjack wrote:
sen say wrote:
large Amish cocks.

moron.[/quote]

Fixed :wink:

Im an animal. I love to shit outside dipstick!!

Besides, your mom is wicked hot and I love looking at her.

Got a problem with it?

Your mum and I are an item now mate. We didnt want to tell you like this, but since YOU decided to bring our family business to an open forum then I guess I’ll just post pictures. Besides, its the true nature of T-Nation.

You had better shoot that bastard now he’s boinking mumsy! Unless of course you’re cool with that.

D


His mum isnt the only lady Im shagging mate. Here’s a picture of me shagging She Say.

Dear Gawd…not another over grown rat!!!

Me thinks Damici has flipped.