Man, my penis is so big if I laid it out on a keyboard it’d go all the way from A to Z
the “bishop” came to our church today
he was a fucken impostor
never once moved diagonally
haha, last night, me and pete went out to celebrate his engagement and got hugely drunk
we got this great idea to bury eachother in the sand close to the water and see who would chicken out first
took about a half hour, but the water got up to my face so i freaked and got out
i looked around for pete and he must’ve chickened out before me and stumbled home or something heh
What’d he say when he woke up this morning?
uhh… he hasn’t come home yet… i thought he was staying with you?
i fucking hope im wrong about what im thinking right now
im fucking going back to the beach to make sure
if he gets home, call me, i don’t want to be worrying about this
will do. you better hope he’s not still buried, you’ll be in deep shit.
wtf? pete came home last night you fuck. Ken’s going to be worrying about this shit all day
haha yea, but it will be fun while it lasts
join: (PeteRepeat) (bob@3F8C4655.11D1C8C.18637D35.IP)
ken… that fucker buried me in the sand last night, i ran off about 5 minutes to it, left him there to be an idiot
pete, ken didn’t come back last night, i thought he was with you.
if ken shows up, make sure he doesn’t know that im at the beach digging for his body. i don’t want him to think i care or anything.
rofl. Those 2 are going to get a huge surprise when they meet at the beach.
i can’t beleive how perfect their timing was
how u make that inverted b?
try pressing the the Caps Lock key
O THANKS!!! ITS SO MUCH EASIER TO WRITE NOW!!!
Im going to be the next hitler
Im going to kill all the jews and 1 clown
why the clown
See? no one cares about the jews
I was in biology class once, and the teacher said there was sugar in sperm
And a girl asked why doesn’t it taste sweet then
When she realised what she said her face became red like a spanked monkey ass
Then the teacher said, because you taste sweetness with the front of your tongue, not the part of your tongue back in your throat
The girl started crying and left class ^^
<[TN]FBMachine> i got kicked out of barnes and noble once for moving all the bibles into the fiction section
<_kr4m3r> so many fucking criminals, its bullshit
> heh, if we sent all the criminals to some empty continent and just left them there to die <foniks> and showed up like 50yrs later like, “sup?”
> whatd u think they'd say? <FoSZoR[bg]> something along the lines of, "GDay mate"
I hated going to weddings. All the grandmas would poke me saying “You’re next”. They stopped that when I started doing it to them at funerals.
at my school… the cop from DARE passed around 3 joints to show everyone… and he said “if i dont get all three of these back this schools getting locked down and everyones getting searched till i find it…” and like 30 minutes later when everyone got to see 'em and they got passed back the cop had 4
My mom found me perusing bash.org and looking up quotes about incest, and was like OMG!
Now she actually goes there regularly to make sure there aren’t any new text words that have been searched for
I saw her looking at the site yesterday, and was like, “WTF??”
And she said she was just checking to see what kind of stuff I look at online.
I swear, someday I’m just going to rape that bitch.
now theres a quote for bash.org
Don’t you fucking dare.
If you went camping and you got REALLY drunk with your friend and you
woke up the next morning with a condom stuck up your ass would you tell anybody?
i dont think so
Wanna go camping?
there was this one time I was wanking to porn…
so I’m just about to splurge when I suddenly hear my dad coming up the stairs
alt-tabbed to the other window and tried to pull my boxers up… computer stalled JUST THEN as my dad was opening the door
I just stood up and was like “fuck… dad this honestly isn’t what it looks like”
I wish my lawn was emo, so it would cut itself.
<factorial_nine> “Male masturbation is a personal turn off for me. As a single woman, I’m especially looking for a man who doesn’t masturbate, even while he’s single.”
<factorial_nine> GOOD LUCK, BITCH.
Man i was surfin porn and like “normal” surfin at the same time, so my mom comes in and i quick as hell tab down the porn. So now im looking at a SWAT vest and an Mp5 submachinegun trying to hide the giant penis in my pants. Then all of a sudden this realy gay male voice speaks out realy loud goin “i want to suck your big dick ans swallow your hot sperm” then like 100 popups open up all consisting of hardcore fetish gayporn.
man my mom started crying and now she thinks im gay… it owns
#1 pickup line of all time: "Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?