never posted in this part of the forum before. Normally I keep my posts on here about lifting without too much information about myself.
However I have something personal to share and ask a non-lifting related question.
First of a little bit about me:
I have dealt with depression for quite some time now. It got to the point where I was sure that this would be my end. I was not about to finish myself off, I was simply sure that a human could not go on the way I felt/ lived and that this would inevitably lead to one's end. I do not want to go too much into detail about myself or what was/ is going on in my life (and more importantly in my head). Basically I waited too long with searching for help and my condition got pretty bad. I had a lot of very physical symptoms stemming from my mental health problems - basically my body followed my head and believed that he was sick.
When I was first diagnosed by a doctor (at a time I was in a horrible condition already) I was first prescribed medication to calm me down (forgot English word here) because my doctor was very careful with prescribing me anti depressants and wanted to try these lighter medications first.
While on these light meds I still had severe panic attacks, horrible violent nightmares every night and was very depressed all day, which lead to me not participating in basically everything that once gave me joy. Aside from lifting. I began to abuse alcohol (I drank quite a lot before I got so bad, but not like this). I basically couldn't stand to be awake at all, even though I had nightmares most nights. These were bad times...
I, however got prescribed anti depressants and my doctor always urged me to seek help from a psychotherapist. He later once told me he was on the edge of sending me to a mental hospital, had I only once mentioned suicide in his presence.
The anti depressants helped to a degree and they got rid of my nightmares. I really had not a single one since I started taking this medication. I however did not get instantly healthy again, like you probably guessed. I still struggled with being depressive and with panic attacks.
I later went to see a psychotherapist and began a therapy, still being on medication. This therapy is still going on. I was diagnosed with serious depression and anxiety disorder, when I started this therapy.
I have come a very very long way since the days that I was certain that this would be the end.
I still have bad days and bad weeks. I still can't really deal with some of my emotions, which leads to me appearing emotionless in some cases.
On the other hand I have not had one of those horrible panic attacks for a very long time. No nightmares since starting anti depressants. Have successfully battled some of my phobias connected to my mental health problems (I could not use public transportation, could not sleep alone outside of my home, could not stand to be in larger crowds...) .
Like I said I have come a long way.
If that matters, this is not the first serious illness I have faced. I also had blood cancer (leukemia) which took a three year treatment to get rid of/ survive.
Compared, I don't know which one of these two was more life threatening. I know for sure which one has left the bigger scars though.
Even though I left a ton of stuff out, this was quite a lot of stuff about me. Don't get me wrong, it is not my intention to just cry about how bad I have had it in life. There are people that have dealt with far worse shit. Like I said I have already achieved a lot and am trying my best to only look forward and push on with everything I have got.
However I think to be of help, you need to know at least a little bit about where I am coming from with this.
These last months or maybe this continuing year have been the best I have had for basically as long as I remember. I am actually happy a lot of the time. My laughter isn't always fake and I am able to really feel emotions (yes, this sounds stupid to a lot of people and I understand that) - and I mean positive emotions also. A lot of this has to do with finding the girlfriend I am with today. She is an incredible woman and partner. I could go on writing about how much of a support she is but this should not be about our relationship.
Now, finally onto my question (if you have read through this whole mess):
Is here anyone who has experience with quitting anti depressants?
I am very concerned and straight up afraid to take this step.
I don't need to know about potential threads of quitting my medication, believe me I got these floating in my head anyway.
What I am more looking for are the potential benefits of quitting anti depressants. Maybe training related, life quality, health, whatever.
Basically: Is it worth taking the risk?
Feel free to talk about your experiences with quitting anti depressants, if you feel comfortable doing so. Positive and negative of course.
Thanks for taking the time, if you have indeed taken the time to read through this. If I made some mistakes, please excuse me, it is very late and English is not my native language. Also if I left out something that matters on this subject, feel free to ask and I will answer as long as I feel comfortable talking about it.
It was not easy to write all of this about me. I have always kept most of the stuff that was going on to myself, To this day a lot of members of my family and even most close friends don't know about what I have struggled with.