T Nation

Quite a pickle

Well, I’ve gotten myself into quite a dilemma. During this year at college, I was fortunate enough to meet an unbelievable girl. She’s funny, smart, athletic, not mention absolutely beautiful. We’ve been talking now for a few months and I really think I’m beginning to fall for her. Things have been going great lately, but yesterday I recieved an acceptance letter to a university in England. Now I know that studying abroad in England for a year is a once in a lifetime chance, but I also know that meeting someone like her doesn’t happen every day. I was hoping that maybe someone could offer a little advice as to how to proceed with the relationship, do I just say goodbye and be left wondering what might have been, or do I try to maintain an extremely long distance relationship? Any comments or advice will be much appreciated.

You’ve been “talking”? Yeah, that really constitutes a solid relationship. Sounds to me like you have made a good acquaintance, and it’s YOU who’s taking it farther (in your head). I may be wrong on all that, but I didn’t see any clues on your question to make me believe otherwise. In your case, you really have no relationship to maintain overseas, and there’s no exclusivity.

My advice is to go to England, but stay in touch with your girl. I agree with Brider when he says it doesn’t sound as though you have a concrete relationship with this girl as of yet. Committing to a long distance thing for a year, at such a distance is very major. However, saying good-bye isn’t necessarily your only other option. Keep in touch by mail, e-mail, by phone–but as friends, with no committment involved on either end. You may find that neither one of you meets “the right one” throughout that year. In that case you can pick up where you left off when you come back. On the other hand, either one of you may meet “the one” in the meantime, and you should leave yourselves open to that possibility. Do not close any doors, is what I’m really trying to say. But do not load yourselves up with committment issues either–your friendship is far too young for that, and your expectations could end up breeding resentments in the long run. It is very hard to create and maintain a long-distance relationship. It becomes more of a figment of one’s imagination, rather than a real thing. I really feel for you though. I hope it all works out in the end. Good luck!

DUDE GET THE F OUT OF THE US!! For real, just go, if it was meant to be it was meant to be. I was in the same situation when I was in school(which was only 2 years ago), I got a chance to study at the University of Barcelona and it was one of the greatest experiences of my life. I had just gotten together with this girl from my original school before I left, and we were able to maintain contact with each other via telephone and email daily…and she came to visit me over the winter…guess what? we made it through w/o a problem, sure it’s kinda tough to be apart but if you really want to you can do it. Also, she studied in France while I was back home in the states for my senior year and we made it through that, too. Just ask yourself if you can stay committed to this girl while you are away, if you really think this may be “the one”? BTW, she and I are still together and happy, so if my ass can do it, you can.

Go to England if you and her are still together it was meant to be if not well hell you will get English puddie…

Brider, you do raise a valid point about the status of our current relationship. We are not very serious yet, just dating and hanging out with each other a lot, and I may have been a bit presumptious by assuming that we’ll even be together at the time of my departure. She has expressed that she has feelings for me, and I can tell she gets upset when I talk about leaving, although she hasn’t made the extent of her feelings very clear. I will be spending a lot of time with her this summer(hopefully), and I just don’t want things to get too serious, and then up and leave for another country. As of now, I plan on doing exactly what GM has suggested; try and maintain a friendship without the issues of commitment, and see what happens when I get back.

Well, it REALLY would have helped to know this up front. That doesn’t change the fact that you need to consider the England thing a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity that shouldn’t be passed up. Also, while this girl may be a once-in-a-lifetime catch, that doesn’t mean that your study abroad has to mean that’s over. Distance relationships are difficult, you just have to keep the communication open and TOTALLY honest. Agree before hand that it’s okay to see others while you’re away, but that you’ll TELL EACH OTHER ABOUT IT, and keep each other informed of how things are going. Some relationships can’t handle it, and that’s a good sign that there’s some insecurity over the whole thing.

don’t do the long distance thing. it just doesn’t work.

Your wrong. You meet women like that everyday. You may or may not realize it. I would go to england and have a good fucking time. If it’s meant to be it will happen anyway. Alot of people will disagree with my philosophy, but thats because most of you are young and unmarried. When you are older, the “one” does not seem anywhere near as important. If you lose the girl, you may or may not regret it, but if you lose this golden opportunity to study abroad, you will definately regret it.

Go to England. Avoid the “whatIf’s”. You will have enough of them in your life without forsaking this opportunity.