Question about women

I agree that the double standard is unfair, but we need stop thinking that men and women are exactly the same. Women who tend to sleep around usually do it because they have low self-esteem. They somehow think that they are worth something when a guy wants to sleep with them. Guys tend to want to sleep around to satisfy their sexual appetite. There are individual exceptions of course, but from the sound of it, this girl is of the insecure type, and they are serious trouble. She needs to find herself and be comfortable with her self before she can be with someone. Curious, I’m not so sure that you are free of issues. Did she give a lot of “come hither” signals to you before you guys did the deed? In other words, did you have to do much wooing? I’m guessing not. Are you not sure of yourself with women? Nothing to be embarrassed of. Asking a girl out used to scare the living shit out of me. Maybe that is what is bugging you. That you feel like she seduced you rather than the other way around. Curious, I suggest that you get yourself out of this relationship, work on your confidence and self-esteem. Even though you guys broke up, you seem to be holding on as much as, if not more than her. Let go, dude.

Nate - you are an enlightened individual. I agree with you almost 100%.

So, curious, you slept with her after 3 dates, but you have a problem that she’s slept with others after such a short time? You sure didn’t mind that she was willing to ‘move quickly’ with you! And you didn’t give any of her background…but you say you’re 22 and were a virgin until 21. so you’ve slept with 4 people in less than a year…so at most you were with 4 people with not one minute more than 3 months between them (impossible, since actual time is less than a year is you are still 22) sounds to me like the pot is calling the kettle black.


If she did the same as you over two years time - one guy every 3 months she’d hit 8.

If you have a problem with her and you don’t trust her that is another thing all together. (on a side note, you should never be with someone you don’t trust. I’ve been living 800 miles from my boyfriend for months now, and there is NO doubt in my mind that he is 100% faithful. i don’t think your issue is her ‘numbers’ i think your issue is trust) But don’t compare numbers and act like that is the only problem here.

If you want to make a decision you are sure you won’t have any regrets with then get away from her. Just the tone of your post indicatates that this relationship is already doomed to failure and you will be hurt. Go find another, I took a two year vaction from women because they were such a mental and emotional drain, I figured why bother. I ended up getting married anyway. Dump her like yesterdays trash and move on and let some other poor unsuspecting son of a bithch be her victim. You will get hurt by this one, I am absolutely positive about it, and I do not say those words often. Trouble, Trouble, Trouble!

Hey guys and gals, just want to thank u for the input, both positive and negative. I’m not saying my views are right, but cant help it and need some unbiased opinions. Heres another aspect (i’m sharing too much with u guys) of the situation, when we 1st started doing it we were doing it several times a day, every day. Seemed all she wanted to do. It was ALL THE TIME. I couldnt be next to her without her starting something, and she didnt even expect anything in return. Then she had to go back home, and we were apart. When we visited on weekends she wanted to non-stop. It became a problem for me and one time I refused and she cried, thought I didnt love her and wasnt attracted to her. She said she wants to all the time b/c its so good, etc. (like all girls say to guys, i’m sure) but also the feeling during and after, being close. Though she was just a nympho but she swears she wasnt like that b4 me. Said she did it but it wasnt anything special. Then I figured since she was far away she’d get it on the side, but why would she still cry about our situation if my shoes were being filled.

Cy, I agree with you that either way, if you’ve had a lot of partners (whether you are a girl or guy), people look down on you. So in that respect, men and women are treated equally, but guys will give a hi-five to other guy friends who nail some girl.<P

As for Curious, just because you waited until 21 to have sex doesn’t mean that your potential girlfriend/partner has to be the same way. So what, she had 8 partners by the time she was 22. Maybe she started when she was young, and she had a few relationships mixed with a few other “quickies.” I started having sex when I was 16 (my choice). And it was my choice to have relationships with various people. And maybe one or two one-night stands. Who cares???
Look, it really sounds like you are using the fact that she’s had more partners than you as your excuse. But hey, if she is a no-good dirty slut, then drop her! If you can’t trust her, then get out! Trust is number one in any relationship. If you think she is hiding things or may have been sleeping with other people, then you obviously can’t trust her. So find someone esle my man!

Hey Curious…go back and re-read Hyok and Michelle’s last posts. They made some great points that really get to the bottom of things. Michelle says that the issue is really trust and I think she is absolutely right…you should never be in a relationship where you can’t trust your partner. Hyok says that you’re holding on as much as, if not more than, her. From the tone of your messages, I think he is absolutely right. FYI I have a history of holding onto relationships that I know are doomed to fail. I don’t know why…hating to fail, lack of confidence with women who knows?..just be honest with yourself. It is very empowering to finally walk away from a situation that you know is bad for you…even if you want to hold on. good luck.

If she says 8 she just may be telling the truth. usually a chick will tell you 4. either way test her out, she may be nicely broken in and know how to fuck.

Hey curious, after reading your last post I can say your fucked. I am pretty sure you are already in love with her, which is a big mistake, but can’t be helped. Nympho’s like sex, a partner is just a tool. Do what I did not have the balls to do when I was in that situation and dump her. You will feel better. Move on, this is way to much trouble for just a girlfriend. Move on! Nothing gets you over the last one like the next one!

Atkicita is right 100% Listen, this is Gods Country. And In the Name of Love, this is a Beautiful Day!

i used to get bothered by stuff like this when i was with a girl that had the same numbers as me. But i solved that by cheating on her with tons of different girls and that made me happier. Then I found out the other problem. I had never been with a virgin, so I was with a couple. Now I don’t sweat how many guys my girls have been with so obsessively. But it is still a factor. It’s like looks, personality, anything else. For example if you could date a hot model who was mad cool, I might tolerate her having sex with more guys. But if she is only ok looking, being a virgin would help. Also no matter how many girls you’ve been with, always find out how many numbers your current partner has, add two, and there’s your total that you tell her. As far as your case, Curious, eight numbers at 22 is too many for a girlfriend in my opinion. I would just use her for sex until you find a more pure girl.

Some of you guys are crazy, 8 partners is too much? Under 10 is fine for me. And at 22, that’s not a lot of partners.Basically, if trust is an issue, then you need to end the relationship. And your problem seems to stem from the fact that she has had more sex partners than you. I’ve had a few virgins in my day, and sure it’s nice and all to be the first and not be compared, but I’d rather have someone with experience. Besides, virgins tend to be a real hassle. Trust me on that one. But I can’t believe some of you are jumping all over her! Why not jump all over Curious for using the number of sex partners as the main reason for his insecurity? You need to move on. It doesn’t sound like this will work. Find yourself someone with less experience bro!

as cris rock says, any amount is too many. just dont ask.

Damn, this thread touches a few nerves… Curious, I’d have to say I’m with you on this one, as far as being uncomfortable about it is concerned. I personally won’t have sex unless it’s with a ‘girlfriend’ (hence my relatively low number of partners), a casual fuck buddy just doesn’t cut it in my book (tried it once and hated it)… [shrug] So I’m fairly uncomfortable with a chick that’s had lots of partners and casual sex, it goes against the grain for me. My last girlfriend (who was the biggest WHORE-BAG on the planet, sorry, but she really was…), changed as soon as we had sex. She went back into slut mode, told me she had 12 guys before me and gave me in depth stories about all her antics with them against my wishes, and the last straw was when she gave me a blow by blow recount of her threesome adventures with other guys… (each adventure counted as 1 partner, so she ended up with like 20) I went freakin’ ballistic!!! But it was my own fault, my judgement was out and I was hooked on her… When we parted ways I got every damn test known to man and beast done to make sure I hadn’t caught some disgusting shit from her…

Curious - bud, here’s what you need to do. Walk over to you phone right now, take your balls in your hand and hold them with pride, call that ‘doorknob’ of a girl, and tell her it just aint gunna work… like a few others have said, walk away my friend…

OK…my 2 cents. CUT IT OUT!!! suck it up and be a MAN…sounds like you are calling her all the time or else hanging by the phone waiting for it to ring. First off…stop calling her…reverse the game. Second…place a few personal ads on the net, get into some chat rooms, and get a life beyond this chick. Not trying to kick you in the balls bro…but play hard to get. Now in terms of the relationship…if your uncomfortable with the # she has been with…bail out. Seriously. Took me a long time to find my T-vixen, but when it is the right one you you will know…not to sound corny, but I spent too much of my life trying to make relationships work. If you have to try…at least initially…it isn’t right bro. Get a grip…stop being her bitch (because you are being her bitch…we have all been there) and find your T-vixen…she obviously isn’t it. Be a T-man…because when the right Vixen comes along…she doesnt want a wuss pal!! Keep lifting…and as the Stones say…you can’t always get what you want…but you get what you need!!

Don’t ask, don’t tell.
Ask yourself are you the same person after you slept with 4 people in a year? Have you learned anything about yourself from these experiences? If you sleep with 4 more women in this next year, and none of them are the ONE, will you stop because the number 8 makes you a whoredog? No!
The important thing is, to not repeat any stupid mistakes you may have learned along the way, stay healthy,and learn to enjoy your own company. It takes some of us, (male and female)longer than others to figure this out, but when they do, those people make good life partners. Sounds like you are not there yet. When you find a woman whose past is OK with you because it makes her the one you love today-grab her!

You see, there’s a double standard because most guys have like 10 partners, and then girls either have like 4 or like 25. This is because all the guys are having sex with the same sluts. So if you think you are dating one of the second category of girls, well then maybe you could do something with her to make you feel better. Like if you’re the first to have anal sex with her then it would be all good. Or if you’re the first to videotape it, etc.

curious, don’t worry about it man. if you are with her and you can trust her, don’t fret over anything.

I ve never understood how a man can have a serious relationship with a woman who has had other men before him…there is something called man-pride…you know!some of you guys don t have it! there is a difference between being a man and being a woman…believe it or not! you must understand that difference…don t tell me that if men can sleep around, then, so can women…if women sleep around there can be no balance. there can t be any women that men can be really proud of.Can you really accept the fact that other men have fucked the brain out of your wife before you did? can you really imagine how your wife or girlfriend sucked a few other guy s cocks… and still be proud of her??? I m sorry. I don t get it. let s be men! and let s stay that way!!

John a.t.- You have hit the nail on the head my man! That is exactly how I feel, and I don’t know how the hell in the world everyone else dosen’t feel that way. Just knowing your girl sucked a bunch of other guys cocks, or got fucked my some dirt bag should make you sick. It totally takes the specialness out of the whole thing. Guys, tell me it’s not one hundred times more fun and intimate to share something with a girl that they’ve never done before? Who the hell wants to shoot their load and have it be treated as just another joe on the conveyor belt? You know whats worse? Knowing the guy that she fucked before you. Say your dating a girl, and really intimate with and then all the sudden, you find out she fucked a friend or two? How’s you like to know this guy analized her, and blew crazy loads on her? No way do I want a girl like that!

Dude what’s the big deal man? Date her and if things don’t go right, well you are not bound to be with her for the rest of her life? Move on learn from that experience. You know there’s so many fish in the sea. Sounds like you are not very confident about yourself. If you are really confident you wouldn’t care much about her past and will concentrate on the now. Bambino, the past is the past. Also, you are only 22 why think serious shit like this, you should be having fun with your life. Hope everything works out well for you.
Samir B.