Hi @cavalier
Yessir, PTS can affect everything in one’s life!
Looks like you’re doing well , & am glad to see that you are.
Your posts are inspirational to me. Thank you.
Your words resonate with me. I too suffer from PTSD, though the cause is different.
You feel like you’ve been “given a new chance?” And, it looks like in this quarter of the ball game you are determined to play to win?! That sentiment is familiar.
I too am back in the gym, after years of existing on my ever fattening ass, doing nothing much other than bitching about myriad things, and getting more and more out of shape the entire time. I’d gone from being fit with zero medical issues, to morbidly obese with Type II Diabetes, multiple medical implants for pain control, a clotting disorder, COPD, and God only knows what else I was diagnosed with between 1992-2014.
Over the past 3 years or so, I’ve lost about 165 lbs - an entire person or more - in weight.
Can’t say for certain the PTS was THE culprit in my not caring about stuff, or being so weak in mind that I did nothing about it, but it was a major factor.
Learning to identify “triggers” of things that “set me off,” and how to deal with “episodes” that resulted made the difference…
I see that you utilize the eye movement technique while recalling things. That’s similar to what I have to do, but not the same entirely.
For me, I’ve looked back to the period of life before the PTS came about, and remember how moving forward at all times was the focus, rather than allowing a negative experience dominate “the now.” I was a strong frigging U.S. soldier, and felt like nothing could ever prevent me from reaching a goal, and it never did. While acive duty, I got tagged with the nickname “Bull,” not because of physical features, but because of attitude. If something alerts me, like a red flag being waved at a bull, I charge it and will not stop until I go through it. At least that’s how I was from birth through 1992. From 1992-2014, I was not. But, in late '14/early '15, things changed back for the better IMO.
All of a sudden at age 22 I was physically disabled from a traumatic injury, retired from the USAF, and ten years later physically unable to work at all due to a chronic pain that still prevents it
But, by St George, that was in the past, and regardless of how many times something startles me now, there’s a serious present and future that requires my attention.
We who have PTS, if we wish to be happy, have to keep reminding ourselves that the “P” part of the acronym signifies “post” BUT that the event was and is “Past.” Best we can do is learn from it and move on, a lot like a kid learning to walk after falling down while learning how. If they let a fall make them stop trying, then they never will walk.
I’m 47, you’re almost 60. Sure, we have life experiences that were equivalent to falling down, but just because most of America deems those ages as “middle” or “aging” or whatever the hell the term is now, doesn’t mean we are required to conduct ourselves to match what popular sentiment defines as “acting our age.” Fuck that. It’s a number.
Sure our bodies may not respond AS well to things, but they do respond. It’s our guts that propel us forward, and inevitably what allow us to take care of our bodies well enough that the inevitable end is further in the future. Meanwhile, we have an opportunity to excel in whatever state in which we exist.
For me, I’ll always have physical pain to remind me of a FUBAR injury, along with medical implants to treat it jutting out of my abdomen, but I’ll be damned if that means I have to “behave” like a disabled person.
Screw that. I’ve gutted out enough in the past - no reason to stop now. It’s in the heat of battle that real valor shows itself. And if anyone claims that living with the problems stemming from PTS isn’t a battle, a reevaluation and definining of PTS for them is needed.
There’s guys doing “special olympics” stuff and other activities in wheelchairs, so why the hell would we allow PTS to prevent us from doing WTH we want?!!
ONE thing that helps me the most is a little modification I’ve made to the old adage.
“Seize the Day (carpe diem)”
I say that days are made of moments, so for me, it’s "Carpe Momentum (Seize the Moment). If you’ll indulge me, and consider what you are reading now, in this sentence: as soon as you’ve read the last word of the sentence, it is officially in the past.
That moment is over, and can never be relived. The next moment is in the future, and is not guaranteed.
So what we have, at any friggin nanosecond of life, is THIS moment.
Carpe Momentum!
I’d told you in a previous post I wanted to reply to this thread when I got to an actual cvomputer, and that’s what this is.
Feel free to look at my training log, where there are some pics (warning - fat man & severe burns), that illustrate the little life struggles I have, and continue to overcome, by focusing on the moment that IS rather than the one that WAS.
Best of luck in all your endeavors!
Peace,
~S