T Nation

Proud to be Canadian

Here are some reasons to be proud to be Canadian:

  1. Smarties
  2. Crispy Crunch, Coffee Crisp
  3. The size of our footballs fields and one less down
  4. Baseball is Canadian
  5. Lacrosse is Canadian
  6. Hockey is Canadian
  7. Basketball is Canadian
  8. Apple pie is Canadian
  9. Mr. Dress-up kicks Mr. Rogers ass
  10. Tim Hortons kicks Dunkin’ Donuts ass
  11. In the war of 1812, started by America, Canadians pushed
    the Americans back…past their ‘White House’.

Then we burned it…and most of Washington, under the command of William Lyon McKenzie who was insane and hammered all the time. We got bored because they ran away, so we came home and partied…Go figure…
12. Canada has the largest French population that never surrendered to
Germany.

  1. We have the largest English population that never ever surrendered or withdrew during any war to anyone, anywhere.

  2. Our civil war was a bar fight that lasted a little over an hour.

  3. The only person who was arrested in our civil war was an American
    mercenary, who slept in and missed the whole thing… but showed up just in time to get caught.

  4. We knew plaid was cool far before Seattle caught on.

  5. The Hudsons Bay Company once owned over 10% of the earth’s surface and is still around as the worlds oldest company.

  6. The average dog sled team can kill and devour a full grown human in under 3 minutes.

  7. We still know what to do with all the parts of a buffalo.

  8. We don’t marry our kin-folk.

  9. We invented ski-doos, jet-skis, velcro, zippers, insulin, penicillin, zambonis, the telephone and short wave radios that save countless lives each year.

  10. We ALL have frozen our tongues to something metal and lived to tell about it.

  11. A Canadian invented Superman.

BUT MOST IMPORTANT!
24. The handles on our beer cases are big enough to fit your hands with mitts on. OOOoohhhhh Canada!!

Oh yeah… and our elections only take one day.

HAPPY CANADA DAY!!! I hope everyone has a safe weekend:)

Happy Canada Day from Ottawa! It’s going to be a taaaaad busy here this weekend!

Funny list. Happy Canada Day.

I like #12 best :wink:

Best to you guys!

[quote]ProfessorCHAOS96 wrote:
Here are some reasons to be proud to be Canadian:

  1. Smarties[/quote]
    The candy? [quote]
  2. Crispy Crunch, Coffee Crisp [/quote]
    ??[quote]
  3. The size of our footballs fields and one less down [/quote]
    And it’s infinitely less popular and where washed-up has beens and never-hads go to play[quote]
  4. Baseball is Canadian[/quote]
    Yet, Canada hasn’t won a World Series in 15 years. Also, one of the two Canadian teams just moved[quote]
  5. Lacrosse is Canadian [/quote]
    No one cares[quote]
  6. Hockey is Canadian[/quote]
    Again, it’s been 15 years since Canada has owned the Stanley Cup[quote]
  7. Basketball is Canadian [/quote]
    Once again, one of the two teams had to leave the country due to lack of interest. Oh, and Canada has never won an NBA Championship[quote]
  8. Apple pie is Canadian[/quote]
    I don’t even know where you got this from[quote]
  9. Mr. Dress-up kicks Mr. Rogers ass
  10. Tim Hortons kicks Dunkin’ Donuts ass
  11. In the war of 1812, started by America, Canadians pushed
    the Americans back…past their ‘White House’.

Then we burned it…and most of Washington, under the command of William Lyon McKenzie who was insane and hammered all the time. We got bored because they ran away, so we came home and partied…Go figure… [/quote]
OK, this I don’t get. First, Americans don’t even care about the War of 1812, but Canadians are near-obsessed with it.

Do Canadian school children get “we burnt the White House” lessons for an entire semester in school? Besides, it was a British army that marched on Washington. Canada was still 50+ years from self-government at the time.

[quote]
12. Canada has the largest French population that never surrendered to
Germany.[/quote]OK, you can have that one.[quote]

  1. We have the largest English population that never ever surrendered or withdrew during any war to anyone, anywhere. [/quote]Meh[quote]

  2. Our civil war was a bar fight that lasted a little over an hour.[/quote] Is this why Canadians are obsessed with the War of 1812? Because they never had their own war?[quote]

  3. The only person who was arrested in our civil war was an American
    mercenary, who slept in and missed the whole thing… but showed up just in time to get caught.

  4. We knew plaid was cool far before Seattle caught on. [/quote]If this in reference to the early 90’s grunge movement, how do you explain Lawrence Welk fifty years earlier? Oh, you probably mean flannels only, not plaid pants.[quote]

  5. The Hudsons Bay Company once owned over 10% of the earth’s surface and is still around as the worlds oldest company.

  6. The average dog sled team can kill and devour a full grown human in under 3 minutes.

  7. We still know what to do with all the parts of a buffalo.

  8. We don’t marry our kin-folk.

  9. We invented ski-doos, jet-skis, velcro, zippers, insulin, penicillin, zambonis, the telephone and short wave radios that save countless lives each year.

  10. We ALL have frozen our tongues to something metal and lived to tell about it.

  11. A Canadian invented Superman.[/quote] Bullshit!! It was a joint effort

Oh yeah, Happy Canada Day to you!

Alexander Graham Bell, the inventor of the telephone, was born in Scotland, spent a YEAR in Canada, and then moved to the US. He received the U.S. Patent for the telephone in 1876, 5 years after he spent his one year in Canada.

To say the inventor of the telephone was Canadian is a bit of a stretch, much like the bulk of the jingoistic crap you posted.

Some more reasons to be proud

Insulin, Treatment for Diabetes [1921, Frederick Banting, Charles Best]

Telephone [1876, Alexander Graham Bell]

Light Bulb [1874, Henry Woodward, Mathew Evans]…sure Edison gets the credit…but he never invented it…he bought the patent from a couple of canadians

Five Pin Bowling [1908, Thomas F. Ryan]

Wonderbra [1964, Louise Poirier]

Pacemaker [1950, John Hopps, Wilfred
Bigelow, John Callaghan]

Robertson Screw, 1908 [Peter Robertson]

Zipper [1913, Gideon Sundback]

Electric Wheelchair [1952, George Klein]

Poutine [1957, Fernand Lachance]

Cobalt-60 �??Bomb�?? Cancer Treatment [1951, Harold Johns]

Java Programming Language [1994, James Arthur Gosling]

Bloody Caesar [1969, Walter Chell]

Canadarm [1975, Spar Aerospace/NRC]

Standard time [1878, Sir Sandford Fleming]

Electron Microscope [1939, James Hillier, Albert Prebus]

Ski-Doo [1922, Armand Bombardier]

BlackBerry [1999, Mike Lazaridis]

Radio Voice Transmission [1900, Reginald Fessenden]

Birchbark Canoe [First Peoples]

Basketball [1892, James Naismith]

Retractable Beer Carton Handle [1957, Steve Pasjack]

UV Degradable Plastics [1971, James Guillet]

Instant Replay [1955, CBC�??s Hockey Night in Canada]

Goalie Mask [1959, Jacques Plante]
Marquis Wheat [1908, Sir Charles Saunders]

Pablum [1930, Alan Brown, Theodore Drake, Frederick Tisdall]

Lacrosse [First Peoples]

Electric Oven [1892, Thomas Ahearn]

Steam Fog Horn [1853, Robert Foulis]

Walkie-Talkie [1942, Donald L. Hings]

Alkaline Long-Lasting Battery [1959, Lewis Urry]

Paint roller [1940, Norman Breakey]

Electronic Music Synthesizer [1945, Hugh Le Caine]

WeeVac 6 [1990, Wendy Murphy]

Green Garbage Bag [1950, Harry Wasylyk, Larry Hansen, Frank Plomp]

Snowblower [1925, Arthur Sicard]

Self-propelled Combine Harvester [1937, Thomas Carroll]

Instant Mashed Potatoes [1962, Edward Asselbergs]

Explosives Vapour Detector [1985, Lorne Elias]

Marine Screw Propeller [1833, John Patch]

Plexiglas [1931, William Chalmers]

Key Frame Animation [1969, Nestor Burtnyk, Marcelli Wein]

CPR Mannequin: �??ACTAR 911�?? [1989, Dianne Croteau, Richard Brault]

G-Suit [1941, Wilbur Rounding Franks]

Ardox Spiral Nail [1954, Allan Dove]

Automatic Lubricating Cup [1872, Elijah McCoy]

Crash-Position Indicator-CPI [1957, Harry Stevinson]

Caulking Gun [1894, Theodore Witte]

Separable Baggage Check [1882, John Mitchell Lyons]

Everything about Canada is just so anti-testosterone. Even our conservatives are just plain old weak. All our Prime Ministers in general are weak.

No matter the politics, all the US presidents are total T-men. I honestly think the day the English generals allowed the French to stay in Canada, our country was permanently changed - for the worse - forever.

Leave it to an insecure American to shit on our parade. :wink:

Happy Canada Day!

Sat, February 12, 2005
U.S. is better than Canada
By MICHAEL COREN – For the Toronto Sun

I love this country. I came here almost 19 years ago and have spent the majority of my adult life here.

It pains me to say it, it really does. But the fact is that in so many areas and walks and ways of life, the United States is now a better country than Canada.

There, I’ve said it. Because I’m so very tired of the way, particularly in the last two years, that we Canadians have come to define ourselves not by who we are but by who we are not.

At its most innocuous, it is a mere insecurity about our southern neighbours. At its most repugnant, however, it is publicly funded mediocrities screaming abuse at a great and noble nation because their own self-esteem is so fragile. With a malodorous stew of ignorance and malice, they pump Canada at the expense of deflating the United States.

They say that we are about peace and they are about war. Nonsense. We haven’t been able to keep the peace for years even if we’d wanted to do so. We haven’t the aircraft or the equipment. It’s the Americans who send most of the aid and keep most of the peace.

They say we are informed and intelligent, they are insular and foolish. Harvard, Yale, Princeton and a plethora of world-class universities. Nobel Prize winners by the dozen, internationally renowned scientists, scholars and sages. Goodness me, they even produce better anti-Americans than we do.

They say we are sophisticated, they are dumb. Yet they have more symphony orchestras, more theatres, more libraries, more museums per head than we do in Canada.

They say we are free, they are not. Really? Take the example of Fox News. For years this right-of-centre network was barred from Canadian airwaves, while we publicly funded left-of-centre equivalents such as the CBC.

Fox is now available on digital cable and, well, nothing has changed at all. In other words, Canadians are not quite as pathetic and vulnerable as our leaders assume. We can be trusted with alternative views.

They say we have arts and culture while all they have is trash television. Not quite. They have a massive variety of television, including the most trashy. Thing is, we have tried to produce trash TV but failed. As we fail when we try to copy American legal dramas, police dramas, historical dramas.

They say we produce art movies while they produce mere populism. Not so. In spite of generous government funding, we make variations on a theme. A dying town somewhere in rural Canada, gay characters struggling to be understood, the fight against racism and a bigoted Christian somewhere on the scene. Oh, and a few pornographic images thrown in for good measure.

They say we have diversity and wit in our press, while they have conformity and lack of style. Yet every American city has a number of impressive daily newspapers and most small towns have weekly publications. They have liberal and conservative, religious and secular, black and white.

They have wide and different ownership, a multitude of different and contrary expression, the right to say almost anything, the liberty to question authority, the expectation of argument and debate, the protection of the basic right to speak one’s mind.

Bashers of the U.S. say we have the separation of church and state while they have too much religion. The truth is that they have a constitutional requirement to separate church and state but allow religion to have its place in the public square, thus giving voice to so many brilliant and ethical people.

We effectively silence people of faith, lie to and about them and insult the very ideas that founded Canada itself. We stifle talk of moral behaviour in the name of morality. We deny the difference between right and wrong and then condemn people as being wrong if they disagree.

We say we are mature and they are childish. Which shows just how immature we are and how much growing up we need to do.

Time to put away the toys of smugness and conceit and make our own way in the world. With or without a government grant.

Me now.

Seriously, the OP was very funny. I found this article and thought it was a nice contrast.

I’d LOVE to find me a nice secluded cabin up north and vacation there every year. Maybe do some salmon fishing, yummmmmm.

ahhhh did you even look at the number of pro baseball/hockey teams in Canada compared to the US?..is it any wonder that we win less often?

ohhhhh so this is why 1/2 my work is taking off today. I just moved up here to the Michigan side of the border.

Hey man screw you guys for burning out white house! I was born and raised just outside of DC.

Btw for the English and French that didn’t give up to the Germans it doesn’t count because they ran away to a country that never enters and wars.

BUT, you do have the hottest women! I know a bunch of Americans will now be pissed at me for saying that, but it’s true!!

[quote]malonetd wrote:
ProfessorCHAOS96 wrote:

it’s been 15 years since Canada has owned the Stanley Cup.[/quote]

Teams made up of 90% Canadian players win it every year. :wink:

Your school system sweeps it under the carpet b/c you lost. :wink:

You just can’t handle the fact that Canadian colonists burned down the White House.

Or the fact that when America launched its assault on Montréal, they thought they’d be “welcomed as liberators” and were utterly SHOCKED when the Quebecois sent them packing.

Maybe that’s where this American hatred for the French comes from, hmm? :wink:

[quote]
14. Our civil war was a bar fight that lasted a little over an hour. Is this why Canadians are obsessed with the War of 1812? Because they never had their own war?[/quote]

No, it’s because you Yanks get your panties in a knot every time we bring it up. It’s hilarious. :smiley:

– ElbowStrike

[quote]T234 wrote:
Everything about Canada is just so anti-testosterone. Even our conservatives are just plain old weak. All our Prime Ministers in general are weak.

No matter the politics, all the US presidents are total T-men. I honestly think the day the English generals allowed the French to stay in Canada, our country was permanently changed - for the worse - forever. [/quote]

Ya we would be much better with someone like Dubya. If you don’t like Canada, don’t let the door hit your vagina on the way out.

oh man poutine and coffee crisps. mmmm. they have coffee crisp down east now but they’re not the same… bounty bars in canada are also much better. those molson bradors too.

and cheese and yogurt and butter are from a different world…and you can get white cheddar powder on movie popcorn. even the ketchup is way FUCKING BETTER ! here’s to canada man !

Canadian women are hot.

[quote]derek wrote:
Sat, February 12, 2005
U.S. is better than Canada
By MICHAEL COREN – For the Toronto Sun
[/quote]

Go start your own 4th of July thread, you American bastard and keep your patriotic propaganda bullshit off our thread! :slight_smile:

Everyone have a great Canada Day… [muttering under breath] and I guess I should wish you Americans a happy 4th of July [/muttering].

[quote]ElbowStrike wrote:
malonetd wrote:
ProfessorCHAOS96 wrote:

it’s been 15 years since Canada has owned the Stanley Cup.

Teams made up of 90% Canadian players win it every year. :wink:
– ElbowStrike[/quote]

True. 90% Canadian teams play in front of 90% Canadian fans. Makes me wonder why we have hockey at all in the US.