I think I have some sort of mental disorder stemming from self-hatred. I've been this way my entire life, every time something needs to be done I wait untill the last second. Right now I am supposed to be studying for my Bio 101 Midterm (College). It is in about 7 hours, I knew I needed to study for this midterm weeks ago.
So like usual I put it off as long as humanly possible. I told myself I'd study yesterday, instead I went to the gym then watched football and anime all day. I always end up pulling it off and getting good grades on whatever it is I'm supposed to get done, but with so much unneccesary stress involved.
I'm not even sure if I work good under pressure, because I have never let myself do something normally. Gotta meet someone somewhere? Rush my ass off and show up 5 minutes late. Need a paper done? Do it during lunch right before class and still manage to pull a 90+ on it.
Maybe I'm addicted to stress and I like putting ymself through this shit subconsciously, that is the only explaination I can come up with. My cortisol levels must be through the roof, probably explains why the last time I was under 25% BF I was in the womb...
The sad part is I'm not even busy, I'll spend hours upon hours doing shit that doesn't benefit me in any way, then I'll try and multitask in other places (reading on the bus/train, while walking) when it isn't even neccesary if I wasn't this fucked up in the head. There could be a time bomb infront of me right now and I would spend the next few hours reading this board, creating my own philosophy on life, and masterbating, with about 10 seconds left I might try to disarm it... if I can find the time.
Sorry for the rant, I just piss myself off, and no matter how many times I tell myself it won't happen again it does, and it will continue to.
Am I alone on this?