"Neutral" spine is simply a point where you aren't excessively arched or rounded; keep in mind that everyone should have a certain degree of lordosis in the lumbar spine and kyphosis in the thoracic.
Now, with regards to pelvic control, I would suggest actually watching or videotaping yourself squat, deadlift, etc. If you don't have the necessary ROM or mobility, then you'll need to keep addressing these issues. In the meantime, you can always work through a limited ROM and perfect your technique. As well, you want a small degree (although not totally overexaggerated) of lordosis to protect the low back when performing squats, pulls, etc. Remember, moderation in all things!