Time to lighten things up a little:
News Update from Canada
The flood of Trump-fearing American liberals sneaking
across the border into Canada has intensified in the past
week. The Republican presidential campaign is prompting
an exodus among left-leaning Americans who fear they’ll
soon be required to hunt, pray, pay taxes, and live according
to the Constitution. Canadian border residents say it’s not
uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, global-
warming activists, and “green” energy proponents crossing
their fields at night.
“I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a
Hollywood producer huddled in the barn,” said southern
Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders
North Dakota . “He was cold, exhausted and hungry, and
begged me for a latte and some free-range chicken. When
I said I didn’t have any, he left before I even got a chance
to show him my screenplay, eh?”
In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected
higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. He then
installed loudspeakers that blared Rush Limbaugh across
the fields, but they just stuck their fingers in their ears and
kept coming.
Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who
meet liberals just south of the border, pack them into electric
cars, and drive them across the border, where they are simply
left to fend for themselves after the battery dies. “A lot of these
people are not prepared for our rugged conditions,” an Alberta
border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a single
bottle of Perrier water, or any gemelli with shrimp and arugula.
All they had was a nice little Napa Valley cabernet and some kale
chips. When liberals are caught, they’re sent back across the
border, often wailing that they fear persecution from Trump high-
hairers.
Rumors are circulating about plans being made to build re-education
camps where liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer, study the
Constitution, and find jobs that actually contribute to the economy.
In recent days, liberals have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the
border. Some have been disguised as senior citizens taking a bus trip
to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen
young vegans in blue-hair wig disguises, Canadian immigration authorities
began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior citizens about
Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney to prove that they were alive in the
'50s. “If they can’t identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk
Show, we become very suspicious about their age,” an official said.
Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are
creating an organic-broccoli shortage, are buying up all the Barbara
Streisand CD’s, and are overloading the internet while downloading
jazzercise apps to their cell phones. “I really feel sorry for American
liberals, but the Canadian economy just can’t support them,” an Ottawa
resident said. "After all, how many art-history majors does one country
need?”