T Nation

Possibly Depressed...


#1

Well I think I may be suffering from some sort of depression.Anytime I think about my life,where it's going,what I'll be doing in 5 years,10 years,so on,I get into a seriously depressed state.I hate college and have no interest in it whatsoever and am most likely going to fail the year,have no money,and I mean literally no money,and my life just seems to be all over the fucking place.

The only thing I can take any sort of solace in is my rugby training,I'm hoping to get an academy contract next season but at the moment I do all the academy training for free,which is a cunt to say the least and makes college seem even more impossible.It's 1 am here and I had to get out of bed because I can't sleep,it's fucking with my head so much.

I just have a serious urge to fucking leave everything behind,do an apprenticeship,join the legion,or move abroad and just get a regular job,just do something different.I don't see the point from my point of view of struggling through something I hate for 4 years being broke in order to ultimately get a job I will probably hate in a further 4 years purely because it will put me in a comfortable financial position.But I don't know how to tell my parents this,and I don't know if I have the balls to do it myself.

Basically the end result of this is that I'm starting to feel like shit more and more often every week,and it's troubling me.Anyway just thought I'd share that,I could do with a few opinions on the whole thing.


#2

ok then do it.

If you hate school and know that you're not going to like the job you'd get out of school then why waste your time and money? Do something about it.

I was the same way (not depressed but just not liking college) so I joined the military. Did 6 years in, grew up a lot, did some awesome stuff that most people only dream of doing, made some of the best friends you could ever ask for and figured out what I really wanna do with my life.

If you're not happy... figure out the problem and fix it. Thats my advice


#3

quit living for your parents....or other people in general. I know its pressure trying to live up to other's expecttions. Take some time to identify your own goals....I was miserable until I switched majots from what my parents wanted to my own thing...


#4

I went through a bout of depression in high school following near death experiences etc. and it made me question why I should do anything. I learned that you just gotta do shit for yourself because it's what YOU want to do. Figure out what you want to do, plan it out well, think about your choices, decide and commit. That's all there is to it. Seems simple, but you just gotta do it.

On a similar note, I hate my college as well and I hate dorm life, so my plan is to work hard to get good grades so I can transfer to a better school and to get another job so I can pay for an apartment off campus. No good thing comes for free with anything. Whatever you choose will come with work to do for it. Work smart and work hard and those good things will come.

Best of luck to you, let us know what your plan ends up being.


#5

This may just be a semantic quibble or it might not be but just because you are unhappy, dissatisfied or feeling anxious about your future does not mean you are depressed. Not that that helps you any but it's important to recognize some feelings are just a part of life and a call to action and others are conditions that need to be 'treated.'

In other words, there is nothing wrong with feeling less than stellar some of the time and it doesn't mean you have a mental condition.


#6

So take a break from the crappy circle of life. Life is too short to spend doing stupid crap, and too long not to take a break from the college/career/marriage/kids cycle.

Unhappy right now? Drop out of college, work like a crazy person and hoard as much cash as you can, then just take a year off from life. Travel around, do things a little crazy and a little dangerous and a little uncomfortable. Climb a mountain. Party at 2AM with a bunch of people who don't speak your language. Join the military and find out what you're made of.

Life is best spent teetering on the delicate balance between wild abandon and restricted necessities. College and jobs are necessary, but so is taking a break and really living.


#7

If I tried to predict 5 years ago that I would be where I am now, I would have been wrong on all accounts.

Life is not linear. You can't graph or project it.

Trying to will drive you crazy. Like you feel now.


#8

You think your life sucks? I just read on the news where Leslie Nielsen died (Naked Gun series, Airplane). Gonna take me months to function normally again.


#9

I have (and still do to a certain extent) suffered from depression. I'm not a psychologist so take what I say with a grain of salt.

At your age it's pretty normal to feel overwhelmed by the possibility of facing the world when you feel you are less than equipped to do so. But keep in mind one thing: from my personal experiences, depression (or whatever it is you are going through) can stem from "spiritual bankruptcy", for lack of a better term. I look at life as something that you need to have tools for in order to succeed at it. But those tools aren't degrees or money or other material things. Those are just things that "life tools" can help you acquire.

I don't know shit about you and your post really doesn't tell us very much about you at all, but if I had to make some sort of evaluation based on what you have posted, I would guess that you see yourself and your "worth" as a human being in terms of material things. Which isn't uncommon at all. I struggle with spirituality (I am NOT talking about religious beliefs here; I am talking about improving yourself as a MAN from within, which religion can help with. But those who belong to organized religions certainly haven't cornered the market on spirituality) and when I do I have to ask myself what it is I need to do to be of help to others. I find comfort in the security that money can provide, but it does not improve me as a MAN one bit; helping others does. Now some would argue that helping others in order to make yourself feel better is anything but genuine altruism, but that is immaterial.

I think you need to ask yourself what it is you value in life and what it is that really makes you happy. Over Thanksgiving weekend I spent time with my family, and let me tell you, there is a lot of spiritual bankruptcy there. I can only take the same fucking conversations about sports, cars and money for so long before I get sick of it and realize that these people have nothing to offer me in terms of spirituality. There is nothing that I can offer them that they want either. I work with recovering alcoholics and drug addicts on a regular basis, and when I am receiving phone calls from people I know who are struggling with heroin addiction or alcoholism and they have no place to stay and they simply want someone to talk to, it angers me that as soon as I hang up the phone (when I am 150 miles away) the biggest problems these people I am spending time with want to discuss is what flat-screen TV to buy while there are others out there who genuinely want what I have, and that is spirituality.

My point is that while you are working toward a degree and money, something that all of these family members that I saw over the holiday all have, you may not be any better off than you are right now. Why? Because these things don't mean shit. My family members aren't happy. Half of them have no real relationship with their children and the other half are so empty inside they mask it by constantly discussing the only things that they do have, which is money. I suspect that you understand this deep down, which is why you don't feel all that excited about the prospect of having a degree and the money thing is getting you down. I'm not saying that you should drop out of school and take a vow of poverty or that being dead broke isn't a big deal (it is), but you should not look to these things as sources of real, tangible, lasting happiness, because they are not guaranteed to give you these things.

Get out and work with people who need help. Volunteer at a soup kitchen or a homeless shelter. Or better yet, work with under-privileged children. Stay in school, graduate, take advantage of any counselors or therapists that the school may have for students in your situation. But do not think that a degree, a job and money will end whatever funk you are in. It may bury those feelings for a while, but you need to do things that make you of service to others and you need to decide what REALLY will make you happy, NOT what best buries these feelings you are experiencing.

Fuck, I am getting way too heavy here now. Look, long story short: help others in need because this will do three things for you. It will a) help you realize what really matters in life, b) it will put you in contact with people who are grateful for what you can offer them and c) it will expose you to people who are way worse off than you are, which gives you perspective.


#10

Accept that you don't know all the answers and you won't be depressed. Real talk.


#11

I agree with this and many of the replies that you have been given.

Regarding your issue with study; it's making you unhappy, drop it. Is there any other course that you are interested in? You can always have a break and come back to study later. I know many people who have gone through many courses until they find a course that suited them the most, (some don't btw.)
Once they were settled into their chosen course I would ask them why they stayed; most of them would reply that 'they chose the subject matter that they were interested in, not the profession that you get at the end'.


#12

x2, im the same situation as you, mostly because im not getting shit done (aka being a lazy fuck)


#13

Also to be honest I'm in a similar situation to you + many others that I know.

Acting on the situation is significantly important, keep in mind that whatever decision you make may/may not even give you the answer/satisfaction that your looking for. As corny as it sounds 'As long as you give it a shot' means that you acted on the situation and didn't dwell trying to find the short straw.


#14

May/may not be helpful(prob not) but I like to watch this video; puts some things in perspective.


#15

MAKE A DECISION. I think you will feel much better when you do. I think it's worse to dwell on shit.

If you have no interest in uni, you obviously chose the wrong course. maybe a change of course is in order or maybe u need to get out there. Uni is always there if you wanna go back. It is a useful piece of paper but is it worth it to you? Maybe you just need to get out there and live a little. Get a little experience in the world and see more of what you're all about. maybe come back to uni later.

And I really think perspective is important. You say you're broke, but just how broke are you in the grand shceme of things? I mean, you're not in some third world country. In these modern times, we are lucky enough to really want for nothing. By that i mean, we have everything we NEED. We got food, water, shelter, no problem. It's the other material stuff that people chase after, that they think will make them happier. Ultimately it's just a comfort, and often a distraction, cos we end up chasing the money in order to acquire that fancy house and car, instead of following our passions.