T Nation

Popping the Question- Am I Crazy?


#1

Yea you read it right I'm thinking of asking my girlfriend of marrying me. A little background we started dating about a year and half ago and needless to say things have progressed very quickly. I am madly in love with this girl and know that I want to spend the rest of my life with her. We are both 23yrs old and are graduating college in the spring.

I know for a fact that she will say yes but we are both very nervous to tell our parents about it because we are considered young to get engaged and she is more nervous because her father is very very strict/old fashioned and basically she is afraid to tell him (her sister moved in with her BF (they are 27) and he nearly disowned her. I am a lot less nervous of my parents but a very nervous to ask her father permission or for his blessing etc.

Basically I just want peoples opinions or if anyone's been in a similar situation and what they did. its not going to sway my decision either way I'm just curious. Thanks everyone I hope this sparks a nice discussion.


#2

yes


#3

X2


#4

Have you asked prof x?


#5

Yes


#6

Isn't getting married the strict/old fashioned way?


#7

Guys who only think with their dick as far as marriage will in turn get screwed.
-Confucius


#8

I've always wondered if coolers were for real. You know those people that are hired by Vegas casinos to go cool a hot table. Cause I would be awesome at that job. I was in Vegas a couple of months ago and tried my hand at craps. Stood there for a while to see what was happening and it started to slow, once I put my money down it seemed like everyone disappeared.

Is that a real thing? Anyone know how I can get a job like that?

And to the op, you read any of the threads around here lately? There's no need to get married. At least wait until you're 30, at least. The human brain isn't finished fully developing the rational self until around 25. You don't know what the hell you're doing.

Oh, and fuck the father. If he can't get over his daughters having lives that's too bad for him.


#9

Straight up tell her that you're her father now and that Gramps can take a hike...I see no flaws in this plan. On the serious, congrats if you go through with it and hopefully you don't join the 50% + crowd that gets divorced!


#10

I was married right out of college, and while I never would want a divorce from my wife we both had to learn how to grow up together. There is a hell of a difference between early 20's and your 30's (and I'm sure between 30's to 40's and so on). I think my wife and I would of separated if we didn't have such a good friendship built up through our relationship years before marriage.

To put it simply; you're not ready for marriage (no one really is), the question is are you ready for the commitment of marriage. Or our you ready to say goodbye to half your shit if it doesn't go well. :slight_smile:


#11

Don't do it


#12


#13

Dont want to be bothered to find the exact statistic as OP states it won't make a difference anyway but its something like: average marriage lasts 5x the length of the courtship.

Why not just date longer, and/or have a very long engagement? Shes not going anywhere right? You can still live together.

Edit: o right. daddy. Well, if it were me I would move in together. If shes not old enough to make her decisions independent of daddy shes not old enough to get married.


#14

I would think that if you're mature enough to decide to get married, you're not afraid of what your daddy's going to say.


#15

Based on the fact that you're on the Internet asking strangers what they think, my answer is that you're not ready to get married and that her old man sounds like a pain in the backside. Is she attached to him? Does he dislike you? If so, prepare to have him be a thorn in your side until the day he dies.


#16

Bingo. They sound like little kids asking permission. That doesn't sound like "ready for marriage" to me. It sounds like you are rushing into things for some reason simply because you two will be graduating soon.

Good luck with that....and let us know how happy you are in 5-10 years after the divorce.

If it's real love, she will still be there 2 years from now. One year is not enough to know someone for MARRIAGE unless you just like taking risks.


#17

A friend of mine did this pretty much right out of college. He's from a rural area and he just kind of shrugged it off as 'thats the way its done.'

Its also why divorce rates are way higher in rural areas compared to urban areas.


#18

You would need to post picts of her boobies before we can offer any meaningful advice.


#19

I would still do things the formal way though if I was the OP. Ask the father for permission. If he says no, I would say something along the lines of "Well, I'm asking as a formality and because I respect you. I'm still going to marry your daughter."

If he says yes, then he doesn't hate you for bypassing him and marrying his daughter without his permission.

So..if he says yes-win. If he says no- he would have hated you anyways and at least you put in an effort.


#20

23 is kinda young IMO. As was mentioned, unless you have some religious or other good reason, why not live together for a (long) while? I cohabitated w/my now wife for 8+ years before getting hitched. By then, we knew the relationship was solid, and marriage wouldn't be all that life altering from what we were used to. Hell, I freely admit the financial advantages were a big reason to make it official.

Made a call, did the Justice of the Peace thing, home in time to lift. Not to minimize the event, but I think the less marriage changes your pattern of daily existence, the better the odds of succeeding. If you go from 5 nights a week at the bar to instant domestication, it's going to be a rough ride.

/.02