I'm looking to change my politically-naive ways. Unfortunately, after watching the past few debates, the only thing I've really learned is that these people must think I'm a fucking idiot who doesn't understand what is expected from a question mark. Every fucking question given to these turds was answered with the same formula:
1) confirm for all who are wondering that the moderator - a respected, professional journalist who is being paid to oversee a nationally-televised debate between the front-running candidates for the presidency of the United States of America, each representing one of the country's major political factions and hundreds of millions of people - did indeed ask a good (sometimes great, occasionally excellent) question
2) while doing #1, try to remember what having a soul was like; summon vestigial memory for channeling
3) assure the American people that they ask themselves this very same good, great, occasionally excellent question all the time, because they are both aware of, and give a shit about, the good, great, and occasionally excellent concerns of their fellow citizens
4) break eye contact with camera to prevent blood clot from dislodging under the strain induced from trying to appear sincere
5) insert an evasive redirect Trojan-horsed within a pseudo-topical platitude to allow for:
6) meandering, self-congratulatory soapboxing about a different issue they actually want to answer (or at least answer more than the initial)
7) project a chunky regurgitation of their CV's least offensive/ineffectual efforts that are, if said in sufficient quantity and with sufficient confidence, possibly able to be mistaken as either actual accomplishments or at least tangentially relevant to either the question or the evasion
8) accuse the other candidate of not having the same sweaty, fevered dreams about that good (sometimes great, occasionally excellent) question that they themselves do
9) brandish a wad of used toilet paper fished from the other candidate's septic tank earlier that day by an intern, then launch a concerted effort to convince the American people that it is actually their opponent's CV; allegations of corruption/incompetence/racism salt-and-peppered throughout to taste
10) increase speaking volume over moderator until he fucks off
11) finally stop talking
12) immediately interrupt the other candidate to remind the audience that the only reason their opponent is running is because whatever party they represent has plans to drag the country down to the 9th circle of hell so Satan can run for president in 2020
13) depart event in whatever million dollar contraption brought them there to engage in backroom economic/political "eyes wide shut" parties with the Illuminati, CEOs of any industry referred to with the prefix "Big," and whatever other person/agency/institution they doth protested too much about during the debate
So, OK, we have two candidates: a bloated reality TV buffoon whose neurons have clearly overdosed beyond resuscitation on whatever chemicals he uses to tinge his skin the shade of an irradiated Chernobyl carrot, and a Frankensteinian amalgamation of overly-practiced attributes, positions, and behaviors geared to resemble a sincere human who would never ever fuck you over despite what literally everyone except she and the team she pays to keep herself out of jail is saying. The moderators are too neutered to call them out on their bullshit and no one seems to care.
Assuming a guy wants to edumacate hisself before deciding how exactly he goes about getting fucked raw for the next few years, what sources would y'all recommend to someone looking to wrap his head around the whole circus of American politics? Any networks or website you like? What are your favorite books? Anything that should be avoided? Any place I can go to find out what other countries think of US foreign policy that won't put me on a watch list for waterboarding? I'm down for whatever as long as it keeps the bullshit to a minimum.
Also, besides being white, male, STEM-educated, with a native grasp of English, what else can I do to ensure expeditious relocation to another country when Trump personally ignites a nation-wide riot/uprising/revolution when he loses? The media has basically promised me that this is exactly what he meant by "not accepting" the election results.