T Nation

Pissed off A LOT

I’m just wondering if anyone has any suggestions on how to “take it easy”. Sometimes I feel fine, but ALOT of the time I can get real pissed, real fast, real easy. I think I may have an anger management problem. As much as I would like to blame everyone and everything else(and often do) I know it just isn’t everybody else that’s stupid, incompetent, an asshole, etc.

It probably doesn’t help that I work at a prison(women’s at that) and have to deal with some real low-lifes and the border-line mentally retarded. But then I guess that’s just passing the buck again.

I workout almost daily, but I don’t think I’m overtraining. I’m dieting, but it’s not that severe. In fact I’ve always kind of been like this to some extent or another. Some people might say I have a low tolerance for bullshit or that I’m just aggressive, but my outward demeanor is just the opposite. In fact most people would probably say I’m a nice guy.

Most people’s lives are filled with daily stresses-trying to balance career, maybe kids, time with spouse, time to workout. I know this, but it doesn’t seem to help. Maybe I’m just being a big cry-baby. I don’t know. But if anyone has any valid advice, I’m willing to take it. Thanks in advance.

             FCF

I’ve noticed this about myself lately, more so than usual. I’ve recently started taking HOT-ROX and trainning much harder than I have in awhile. I’m also under a lot of pressure, and my employees make me feel like they are mildly retarded sometimes(I know they aren’t but it can get frustrating). My boss suggested talking to a counsler about my problems, maybe you could try that avenue as well? It doesn’t hurt to talk about your problems who isn’t judging you and can possible offer some good advice.

I am, according to my friends, one of the most laid-back easy going people they know, its not that I don’t have stressful things in my life, far from it, I have many problems, just like the next guy.

And at one point I went to a councellor, just once though and it helped me tremendously to find out that, IMHO, he couldn’t help me at all. He thought he could, and others thought he could, but I realised that the only person who could change me was me.
The biggest epiphany I have ever gotten was this… simple I know… Anything that I can’t change, I don’t worry about. That’s it, but it is harder than it sounds. If somethign bad has happened, I can’t change it, I can help repair, but what has happened has happened.
Also I never think about the countless ammount of things that could go wrong but haven’t happened yet. Sure my car could get stolen, or I could be mugged and stabbed, but that shouldn’t affect me now, and it doesn’t.
I realise I am just telling you about my beliefs and my outlook on life, but the less anybody worries about things that they can’t control they less they worry about. period.

Also try to laugh everyday, no matter how difficult it may seem, find somethign to laugh, or at least smile at. And never go to bed angry, if you are troubled before bed, stay up a little and think over what is troubling you and why you are bothered by it. or just clear your mind through meditation or prayer or whatever you feel it will take to make you not angry before you sleep. Good sleep means you will awake rested and happy.

I am no expert, but this works for me.

-Dave

I play rugby. I am an angry person by nature, and it helps me a great deal. I love smashing into people. I was a sumo wrestler too. Taking out your aggressions helps.
Smoking pot also mellows me out.
You sound like you need a less stressful job too.

To piggyback on Seano’s comment, I know beating the dogshit out of my girlfriend really helps me out. Nah just kiddin, I think I need to start playin rugby again, I find myself pretty pissed off these days too.

FCFighter, being in a similar profession, cop, I know a lot about what you are talking about. The people we deal with are usually assholes(both criminals and bosses), who try to blame their mistakes on everyone but themselves and whether we like it or not it does wear on us. I’m lucky in that I occasionally get to deal with “normal” people whereas you just deal with garbage. I have a lot of co workers from CCDOC and thats the big difference they noticed. My big thing is not to socialize with my coworkers that much. You know like I do that around each other the jjob is what gets talked about, when that is what we need to avoid. I think it is an occupational thing, my wife just told me tonight how I have NO patience. I just try not to talk about or think about work when I’m not there and find lots of stuff to do to have other outlets for my energy.

Funny that I happened across this tread as I usually don’t hang around this part of the board. To be quite honest with you. You need to go and see a counselor for real. Only you know if you have a serious problem that you can change yourself or not. I remember growing up as a kid and being “different” I just always felt that way. The way it seemed to me was that I did not have a problem with the world or the people in it, they had a problem with me. I had really dramatic mood swings and a really violent temper. I never seriously hurt anybody or fought because I was very seriously afraid of what I would do to the other person. I also spent four years in the Marines and that did not help matters with all the trained to kill yes sir, no sir. Long story short I found out I was Bi-polar rapid cycling. I can have multiple mood swings by the hour at times. Medicine really helps. The bottom line is sometimes you cannot really control it and you really do need help and only you know if you can. If you are asking for help then my freind, I suggest you get it. Good luck.

If the job is causing these negative feelings, attitude, etc., perhaps you should consider a transfer or a new job altogether. Is what you are doing now worth it?

A couple of book recommendations:
‘You can feel good again’ By Richard Carlson & ‘The power of Now’ by Eckhart Tolle.

These are not anger management books, rather both deal with how our minds work, why we get into negative funks and what you can do about it. Read the Carlson book first as it will help understand Tolle’s book better.

Good Luck

I used to be pretty hot-headed, and, well, just drop it. Or say, “I am not angry.” out loud, as many times as it takes to calm down, brain wash yourself, or scare the living shit out of whoever is listening (especially if you’re a big strong mofo).

i am usually pretty chilled but little stupid things would cause me to flip out. i just explode for a moment and end up punching a wall or a door or something. i nearly always regret this brief loss of control. i used to do it regularly like every few days or something but recently i have been much more controlled. the last time i did it was yesterday when i realised someone stole my wallet. i think i am allowed to let off some steam about that one. it took a lot of self discipline and practice for me to keep my temper in check.

Archery my man…try archery. This is a simplistic answer but I am absolutely calm and serene after 10-15 mins. of archery. It lasts for several hours. Helps you focus and remain calm better then any drug. The discipline of doing it everyday regardless of weather cannot be underestimated.

FCFighter,

I’m guessing that you train MMA/NHB?

Its as simple as…

“Serenity Now, Serenity Now…”

Just wanted to tell everyone who replied thanks for the advice and different perspectives. I can relate to the reply by Knuckles14 very well, but everyone had excellent suggestions. I have a buddy that’s told me about “The Power of Now” also. I might have to check that out. Counseling has crossed my mind, but trying to find a good counselor is like trying to find a good proctologist…you don’t really know where to start and you sure as hell aren’t going to ask someone else’s opinion. At least I don’t want to. But if it comes to that, so be it. I think I might try Yami Mao’s suggestion. At least if it doesn’t work directly, I won’t be able to quit laughing when I see anyone’s reaction standing nearby.

            Thanks Again, 
                 FCF

Sex seems to tame my beastly urges.

I’m naturally laid back, but I used to smoke a lot of pot and not take things very seriously. The older I get, and the less vices I have, the more uptight I’m getting. But, it’s a wash.

I learned that there is very little in the world that we can control except for our own person. Make it a goal to control your emotions.

Ex. I lost control one night, drinking alcohol, and I ended up in prison for the night. The next day, I came to the truthful realization that the only thing in this world I have control over is me. Unfortunately, I fucked up and lost that control. I’ve spent the last three years without a drop of alcohol just to maintain my “control over me”.

It works pretty well.

Don’t know if that helps, or even if I’m making any sense. Kind of in a hurry…

~ jackzepplin

Hmm, as has been alluded to, you need to stop and think when you start to get upset. If you aren’t used to doing so, it can be hard to do at first… because you simply are caught up in being angry.

However, only you can make yourself angry by your own thoughts or by giving in to it. It doesn’t get put into your head by someone else.

The first time you stop and notice yourself building up an anger and simply let it go or dismisss it will put you on the road to having control of when you will let yourself get angry.

Now, if you have some type of hormone imbalance or other chemically induced issue it may not be totally your own fault.

In any case, stress is really bad for you, so it would probably be good, for reasons other than being an asshole to a lot of people a lot of the time, to reduce your stress levels.

Learn to let go. Not many things really matter all that much beyond health and family. Find good things to focus on, even if it is simply that you or people you know don’t have the qualities you detest and see daily.

Anyway, just rambling on… maybe something will strike home.

If you are looking for preventative measurements for your anger than I would suggest that you find out what triggers (eg; change in routine, how soemone speaks to you, etc) your anger. Than look for cues that alert you that you are becoming angry. When you know what triggers your anger than you can try and avoid that situation or change your perspective on a given situation. Also, some people do not notice that they are anger way before the behaviours occur. By recognizing the body’s physical reaction to stress/ anger than one can try to calm themselves down before the anger comes out in a behavioual sense (eg; sweating, heart beating faster, muscles tense, etc). Try reading " Mind over Mood" book. There is one for clinician’s and one for the general public. Sometimes looking at a situation in a different perspective may change the way one may react to a situation. Change a negative thought to a positive and realize that you ahve the choice in how you react to a given situation. Also, when looking at day to day situations that make you stressed, try looking at the situation in 4 ways. There are 4 problems there is a “we” problem, an “I” problem, a “their” problem, and a “no” problem. Eacxh problem can be defend in one of these areas. Ask yourself which problem your situation fits. Some people try to solve others problems and are not realizing it until they define it in these terms. I agree with the person who stated that if your job is stressing you than maybe you need to revalaute what it is that is stressing you- inmates (all or some or one in particular)…could you take some time off, or ask to work in a different dept, could you delegate duties, how can “you” chnage your situation to make you feel as if you had more control over your situation and your emotions?
I teach an anger management course as part of my job.

FCfighter: What is your anger style? Do you Act out?, bury your anger (therefore, little things affect you more)?, or do you displace your anger?. It is one thing to feel angry but how do you deal with it?