T Nation

Phone/Prostitute Rant

So my phone fell out of my pocket in the back of a taxi on Sunday night…I wasnt even drunk. I realized what happened immediately and called my phone hoping the cabby would pick it up but no answer…

He was a 55 year old black man who was admittedly on the way to cheat on his wife and video tape it. (Context)

There is no answer until today when “Felicia” picks it up around noon. She found the phone in the back of a cab. She is understanding, in that she seems to realize that most people have a significant amount of information in their phone. She suggests we meet so she can give it to me, but she wants a reward for finding it (because she is unemployed). After negotiating, I agreed to give her $50 if she gives it back. At this point I just don’t want to have to get my company to order another phone, install our software, and wait 2-3 days to get it.

She can’t meet right away because “it’s not a good time for her”…she is “at her job”. I realize she said she was unemployed but I let it go in hopes of getting it back without much headache.

She calls back about an hour later, and apparently has a few minutes to spare to collect her reward. She suggests we meet at this rough sounding bar/restaurant(deep in the ghetto). I arrive at the puerto rican restaurant and park just down the street. There is a small group of older black gentlemen standing around an apparent sidewalk barber shop about 100 yards away from my car on the opposite side of the street from the restaurant…yeah did I say ghetto?

I call my phone again…no answer. I’m looking around because she said she would be outside but nothing.

I call back and a male answers the phone. He sounds effed up on something and starts to ask me why I am calling Felicia. I explain to him that he is holding my phone and I am here because she found it and was going to return it. He is still concerned as to who I am and how I know her. Anyways, he says she will be back in just a couple minutes and to wait and call back.

About the time we hang up I hear wind coming through the microphone and notice a male walking across the street (talking on a phone) and into the sketchy restaurant. I think this is the guy and decide to walk into the restaurant to see what’s going on. I’ve got at least 8 inches and 70 lbs. on this guy so I’m not nervous about approaching him and it doesn’t look like anyone else is inside.

I get to the door and the place is dark except for some movement in the kitchen and the same guy sitting at the bar. He was texting on a phone but it wasn’t mine. I walk in and proceed to tactfully ask him if he knows a girl named Felicia. He says “naa” but I’m not convinced. I reach into my pocket and redial my number again…waiting for my phone to ring in his pocket so I can politely ask him to hand it over. Nothing happens so I walk back to my car.

I call the number back and get the same male as before. He’s more concerned about how I know her and why I am trying to meet her. Thinking that he has the phone and she’s not around…I say “Listen man, I just need my phone back. I even offered her a reward for finding it.”

He responds with “well she has a lot of phones…and she doesn’t do sex for less than $100!!!”

I almost laughed but calmly responded again “you have my phone, which I offered to give her money for…If you will give it to me then you can take the money and work it out with her…”

He goes into another talk about how “something isn’t right”…as if he is still having trouble grasping that he I am not trying to solicit sex.

After that he demands $100 for the phone, so I tell him to keep it…and had another one ordered by the time I got home.

The funny thing is the phone was locked so they couldn’t do anything but answer my calls…

What a day…

Man if you go into a rough neighbourhood with the attitude “I’ve got 8 inches and 70lbs on this guy” you’re gonna get stabbed. But I digress. Sounds like a pretty fucked up situation, sucks to be you.

I had this happen twice this year. First time I paid a stoner $10 for my phone, second time I spent three hours texting the kid who found my phone in Spanish because he was an exchange student I had never met. He said he didn’t want any money for it (thanks to google translate) but I felt bad so when I met him in the morning I have him a box of a dozen donuts.

He was happy to have em’, I think. He changed my background, though… lol

Yeah I know what you’re saying, I’m really pretty mellow. That was the only way I could justify walking into this place without thinking about being shot or stabbed.

I wasn’t necessarily looking to be confrontational. I wish I could have taken a picture of the sidewalk barbershop. That would add a lot to the story.

NORTH CAROLINA!!! GO ON AND RAISE UP, TAKE YOUR SHIRT OFF, TWIST IT ROUND YOUR HEAD LIKE A HELICOPTER…

WHO AM I? PETEY PAB. MOTHERFUCKER!!!

[quote]Eli B wrote:
NORTH CAROLINA!!! GO ON AND RAISE UP, TAKE YOUR SHIRT OFF, TWIST IT ROUND YOUR HEAD LIKE A HELICOPTER…

WHO AM I? PETEY PAB. MOTHERFUCKER!!![/quote]
if you are going to quote a song, at least google the lyrics if you dont remember them so you can quote it right.

Hahaha,I love random adventures!They take you places you wouldn’t otherwise go,which is clearly what happened here!

[quote]BARDUKE wrote:

[quote]Eli B wrote:
NORTH CAROLINA!!! GO ON AND RAISE UP, TAKE YOUR SHIRT OFF, TWIST IT ROUND YOUR HEAD LIKE A HELICOPTER…

WHO AM I? PETEY PAB. MOTHERFUCKER!!![/quote]
if you are going to quote a song, at least google the lyrics if you dont remember them so you can quote it right.[/quote]

No. There are no rules in a rant thread. It is a good story though.

[quote]Eli B wrote:
There are no rules in a rant thread.[/quote]

OH. pardon me then. i wasnt aware of this fact…

proceed…

[quote]mallen5 wrote:
I’ve got at least 8 inches … on him
[/quote]

That’s a lot to know about some random dude you just “followed” …

Who Cares! Phone Prostitutes Suck!

V