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Personal Advice On The Internet

Three years ago I met this girl through a friend of mine. Long story short, we hung out a few times, just friends, not super close either. Eventually we were both in predicament where we needed places to live at the same time. Ok so we move in together, roomate style. We lived together for ~10 months, strictly roomates; although she did try hooking up with me while we were shrooming one time, I shook it off as her being temporarilly insane(she later admitted she knew what she was doing).

So skip to us moving out, she moves to San Diego, I stay in Arizona. We are both extremely busy but we keep in close contact(I was originally suppose to move to San Diego sametime; weird coincidence we didn’t even know we both had the same plans until a few months living together). I head up to San Diego to visit her/vacation, she comes down to hang out in Phoenix. We’re good friends, my best female friend I’ve had since high school. Nothing happens during any of these times. Its during one of these repeated trips to SD and her plans of buying a condo I decide on moving there which works for both of us cause we got along really well as roomates and since her parents are helping her buy the condo, rent would be really cheap for me.

Soooo skip to this past week. I am heading up to SD to check out the condo she has finally decided to buy and is in the process of closing on. So I get into town, scope the place and we head down to the gas lamp(bars) with two of her friends Saturday night to party. Alcohol, yes but definetly not the first time. Drunk yes a little, but not nearly as drunk as either of us have ever been around each other and clearly both of us in control. Anyways I remember us hitting the dance floor and about 20 seconds later making out with neither of us pulling back. We didn’t really mention it at all, but a few bar changes and we were stealing kisses from each other. Night progresses and yeah one thing leads to another, sex(sorta thats another story in iteself), L words(2nd girl ever to get that dropped on her).

Proving it wasn’t a drunk thing that turned into a mid day nap the next day… to me staying an extra night. There was some awkward bedroom laughs between us(like I can’t believe I’m fucking YOU type of thing) that led us to deciding to not talk about what really happened and to just let whatever happens happen. Which was all good until she asked me “So you bringing a bed with you when you move out here?” I told her that was the million dollar question and hugged her BUT…

… it was about then that reality hit me on what had actually happened the past two days.

So here I am, 22. The longest relationship I’ve had was about 9 months four years ago. Since then it’s been a consistent string of 2 month MAX relationships. Granted I’ve been getting sick of banging new girls every month for awhile now, I really don’t think a live-in relationship with a girl that I’ve seemingly known forever is what I had in mind.

So here I am, planning for the past year to move to San Diego upon finishing school for an extended “vacation with a job.” You know, surf, chillax, not stress to many things/have much resposibility, of course living with someone like this is a responsibility.

Input.

Are you signing a lease under her? You said rent was gonna be cheap, so I’m assuming she’s not looking at you as an easy way to help finance the condo purchase.

It sounds like she had it all planned out. Most girls do. She definitely has some serious interest in you. That girl is up to something. So, you’re not looking for anything long term? Maybe let her know that before you move in.

I think she did have it planned.

wow.
So what kind of ring did you pick out? :wink:

Hey, if you know eachother well enough to say “I can’t believe I’m fucking YOU”, you should marry her (probably not the best thing to say shortly after sex).

Seriously, you sound like you both like eachother a real lot (maybe even in LOVE…)

Okay, now I’m not going to sound very "T-Man"ish, but I’d say that you should go for it.

You’ve been friends for a looong time, you obviously had a lot of chemistry between you both, it finaly got let out, first with the making out, then with the sex later.

I’m not saying you should ask her to marry you (I was kidding earlier). I’d say live with her for a while, get to know eachother while living together again (people can change so give it a loooooooot of time) and see where it leads.

If you don’t go any further, you’ll never know how far it could have gone…

You gave an excellent account of the facts, but how do you feel about her?

At your age, there is no rush to get married or anything.

Why don’t you get together and see if it lasts?

I mean, if you aren’t looking for a woman like her, that you can obviously be friends with, can live with, can party with and have strong feelings for, what are you looking for?

So, a question for you, if you don’t try this, are you going to be second guessing your decision the rest of your life?

If you do try this, are you going to be second guessing your decision for the rest of your life?

What is that you aren’t telling us, because right now it seems pretty simple?

[quote]vroom wrote:
What is that you aren’t telling us, because right now it seems pretty simple?[/quote]

You’re thinking she’s not pretty enough for you?

Friends for so long usually means no physical attraction on one side or some similar limiting factor.

She has a really nice body for someone who doesn’t workout at all, of course I gotta say living with me and the way I am always made her a little more fitness conscious. But yeah she isn’t really “my type” She gets hit on a ton(5’3, 105-110, blonde), but since I’m so tall(6’5) I usually go for taller girls with black hair, but this isn’t really the issue, I’m not that stuck up. Starting off I don’t think I was her type at all either.

Yeah there may be something I’m not saying, I just don’t know what. You guys are being great though, appreciate it. Vrooms right… if thats not what I’m looking for than I don’t know. And to answer the question? I would regret not giving this a shot, I basically have nothing to lose as long as this doesn’t end on a sour note.

[quote]dcfball wrote:
She has a really nice body for someone who doesn’t workout at all, of course I gotta say living with me and the way I am always made her a little more fitness conscious. But yeah she isn’t really “my type” She gets hit on a ton(5’3, 105-110, blonde), but since I’m so tall(6’5) I usually go for taller girls with black hair, but this isn’t really the issue, I’m not that stuck up. Starting off I don’t think I was her type at all either.

Yeah there may be something I’m not saying, I just don’t know what. You guys are being great though, appreciate it. Vrooms right… if thats not what I’m looking for than I don’t know. And to answer the question? I would regret not giving this a shot, I basically have nothing to lose as long as this doesn’t end on a sour note.[/quote]

Then give it a go. But make sure you are always honest with her about how you’re feeling (even when it’s confusing). Since she’s one of your best friends, it would really suck to fuck things up with her.

How much do you like her? Will you regret not doing it? Do you like her more than you are afraid of getting hurt or losing the friendship? I can’t say what to do, but those are the questions I see you having to answer for yourself.

Take a second and consider the move without the girl in mind. San Diego is a great place to be. What is there for you (besides her?) What is here (AZ) for you now, what are you leaving behind? In the long run, if the relationship doesn’t work
out, what will be the impact on your life?
You are young, and I find it hard to consider serious relationships at that age . Instead, I consider life experiences. Just my opinion, but this sounds like a great oppurtunity to do something different. I think everybody at some point should drop everything and leave home, and
discover (or maybe reinvent?) themselves in a new setting. For me it was the military, but that is not needed.
I say go for it. Try it out there, and you can always come back if it doesn’t work.

This is life bro, noone can give you advice you’ll actually take. In the end you’ll do what you would have done anyway. These thihgs have to be lived through, experienced etc… For you to learn from evolve and grow as a human living among humans. Every experience is unique and different so noone really had any experience in what you’re going though, even though they may think they do.

Consider this though. Sometimes people end up together with another person and really grow into one another. This happens while they’re under the impression they may not be eachothers type. The truth is none of us knows what our type is, we think we know, but in the end your type is the type you can live with daily and chill out with while each letting the other be his and her own self. So go for it, don’t be afraid of new experiences.

Just be prepared for the worst. That being if it doesn’t work out, how would that impact not only your friendship but also your status as roomies… HUGE impliations. Some folks handle it better than others. Seeing how you two have lived together for so long already and STILL have feelings for each other, that’s a good thing.

It’s the question for the ages, is it better to have loved and lost than not have loved at all?

Personally, I am a big advocate of better to do it and then perhaps regret it than to not have done it and forever question yourself what if you had…

go for it. nuff said.

going for it. stupid question. thanks yallllllllllllllllllll

the advice on here was awesome also btw, thanks everyone. i posted on another forum too and got over 75 replies so i got a lot of insight. thanks!