T Nation

'Pegin it...ouch!

Well, at least I had something to do.


Not only something but something satisfying


Mmmm…yeah, there is little more satisfying than scratching an itch and when you spend 10 days in Winnipeg during mosquito season you get lots of opportunity to satisfy yourself (go ahead, giggle, I don’t mind). The looong boooring ride back to Calgary through the Featureless (Desolate), Stark (Boring), Beautiful (If you are drunk), Breadbasket (Full of Gomers wearing John Deere Hats) of Canada is a good time to cut your inner dialog loose and see what happens.

In between satisfying scratches I had lots (and I mean LOTS!) of time to think…ever travel with three little kids in an “Estrogen-Sucker”? I recommend Walking, it would be faster, next time I am bringing an empty bucket and a fist full of Flintstone for kids sleeping pills. How about THAT Dr. Spock?

Anyway, the pure, unrelenting boringness (yes, I am making up a word, don’t like it? too freakin’ bad, you can stick to the English language all you want in YOUR bloody posts, this is mine) of the landscape plays hell with the continuity of thought. Just when you get a train of thought outta the station, along comes the “Holy fuck is this boring, I better drink some more coffee and turn up the tunes or I’m gonna pass out!” thought that kicks in the door of your peaceful little coherent thought process. Nonetheless, reflection on the last 10 days yielded this:

Due to the strangest Real Estate market “boom” ever to hit Winnipeg, ‘Cake and family will be living in a Van down by the river. Many park-like setting were noticed on the daily jaunts to view crappy, overpriced homes for sale or to line up like cattle to view one of only 6 decent dwellings in the whole freakin’ market that wasn’t priced over 1800/month or the 34,197 shitholes that are available for less than 800/month. Want something in-between?, in the memorable words of the first Realtor I spoke to " HA, HA, HA!"

I prefer the more open spaces as you have a better chance at early detection of the marauding bands of Hobo’s than in deeply wooded river banks.

Hey! It pays to be careful.

Yes, yes, I know what you are thinking, you are thinking “Hey 'Cake, what sort of plan did you have before you got there? I mean, you didn’t think that you would blow into town on Wednesday, have a house ready to go on Friday and then spend the next 8 days sitting by the pool drinking Beer and eating Cheese, did you?, because that would have been stupid”

Of course not.

I was prepared for it to take till Saturday.

Needless to say, Mrs. Cake and I will be flying out to take another crack at it later next week, things always work out for me and I have absolutely no fear that they will stop doing so now. Unless they don’t…then please accept my posted pic in the “In Celebration of T-Men” thread as my first personal ad because I am going to end up as a very lonely divorced guy if I do not land a house soon.

On the bright side, living in a Van down by the river may be easier if I look like Chris Farley and the way my diet was this last 10 days I am well on my way! Although every effort was made to separate macro’s and get in the required # of feeds, spending the whole time in town/outta town, looking for houses and camping out made dietary life difficult. I did however get to have stimulating conversation with my family every day about my diet like this:

"What the hell is that “stuff” you’re “on”? (Grow!)

“What do you mean you “need” to eat again?” (Sound familiar?)

“What, you don’t like Pizza?” (Uh, who the heck DOESN’T?)

“No, I do not want an egg-white omelette, I prefer real eggs” (Huh?)

“No carbs after 2 o’clock, that’s just stupid” (Would you care for yet another Beer? 'Cause, I’m sure that would be “Smarter”…)

“You sure have changed what with all this gym stuff and weird diet” (Thank you)

"You paid 70 bucks for that? Christ son, I drink (actual number edited out so as to not embarrass my Dad) beers a day and eat what I want and I’m in GREAT shape! and 65 years old too! ( In Dads defence, a lifetime of construction work has held him in good steed although with his current lifestyle I figure it’s ten, maybe fifteen years until I have to bury him)

The same conversations that all of us have with all of our families, so at least I am not the only one but still…

At least the Winnipeg T-Cell has some sort of beginning with Caber McJock and Ross McMahon…Winnipeg T-Vixens in lurking mode need to come out now…hello…I can hear you breathing…hello?

“Time is a circus, always packing up and moving away”

~ Ben Hecht

Good things come to those who… must endure hellacious skeeters & real estate agents.

Both of which are almost genetically identical by the way.

Suprised you left this tidbit out of your post 'Cake.

Now just make sure neither the mosquitos nor the housing barons get ahold of any GROW, but if they do for shit’s sake don’t let 'em get south of the border!

‘Mosquitos remind us that we are not as high up on the food chain as we think’ - Tom Wilson

'Peg city …holla!

Don’t sweat it bro, Winnipeg can be a pretty cool place to be. The people are down to earth, the patios & restaurants are outstanding and the ladies are top notch (definitely head to grand beach before labor day). Its definitely NOT easy to find a nice affordable pad in this town with the current boom in the housing market but thats just because a lot of positive things are going on here.

T-Mag & Biotest are alive and kicking in this town and they are very well represented…Let me know if you have any problems with anything…

Good things come to those who… must endure hellacious skeeters & real estate agents.

Both of which are almost genetically identical by the way.

Marlin Perkins debunked that myth during the late 70’s when he and Jim Fowler featured the murky depths of southern Louisiana for a 4 week “mini-tour” for sweeps week that year.

Not so surprisingly it was discovered that Real Estate agents are more closely related to the Haemopsis (A Large, Blood sucking Leech) than the Mosquito. Unlike the Leech-Parent of the subspecies, the Real Estate agent is able to camouflage it’s true identity and nature by wearing Denver Hayes Wrinkle-Free pants, Polo shirts and using Mini-Vans as its primary mode of transportation.

Mosquitoes however, were found to be at the top of the Car Salesman sub-group and although they share the same pesky ability to annoy, they have nowhere near the ability to drain you of the blood that a Real Estate agent can.

I knew that one day PBS would come in handy.

“The best blood will at some time get into a fool or a mosquito”

~ Benito Mussolini


…Ha!..and then there were three…yes the “Ice Cube Cell” is off and running, great to see…

I should have mentioned this earlier but somehow it never came up, I am a Winnipeg Boy (mostly) and spent my formative (read when I was doing all sorts of stupid and illegal things) years in West Kildonan and Garden City so I am no stranger to the subtle charms of the 'Peg. If I were to list them, it would look like…

~ Cultural diversity (Calgary is a Cultural melting pot, full of nothing but “Canadians”, no one seems to remain Polish, Ukrainian or German, they all seem to turn “Canadian”. If you overlook the large population of Jewish folks, this is the most “Canadian” province of them all.

~ Ethnic Food (Alicia’s in the North end anyone…Mmmmmm…)

~ Grand Beach

~ Falcon Lake region

~ Ridiculous amounts of European descended beauties. It is just plain wrong that the 'Peg gets so many beautiful women and the rest of the country gets screwed. One of the first things I noticed when I moved out to Calgary was the dearth of beauty (current T-Vixens exempt!) and I am always reminded of it when I visit then return home. God they’re Beautiful, someone should do a study on it.

~ Summer is HOT (unlike the tepid Calgary summers)

~ Four seasons

~ Humidity

~ Socials

~ The friendliest people on earth…“Friendly Manitoba” is not just on the license plates, it’s true too!

~ Leaves that turn colour in the Fall

I could go on and on but these are just some of the things I look forward to of course the list of things that I will miss about Calgary would most likely be just as long.

“We all have hometown appetites. Every other person is a bundle of longing for the simplicities of good taste once enjoyed on the farm or in the hometown [he or she] left behind”

~ Clementine Paddleford

In the same vein, I’ll be heading up to Timmins, Ontario tomorrow to visit a friend of mine for a week.

Taking a Greyhound bus. Yes, it will take 14 hours from Niagara Falls, Ontario to Timmins, Ontario.

I have a big-ass book that I’m going to read for the trips to and from.

“…of some bubonic chronic that made me choke, shiiit. This ain’t no joke. I had to back off up a bit and sit my cup down. Tanqueray and chronic, yeah I’m fucked up now.”

Good 'ol Marlin Perkins, where would we be without him.

But as for grouping skeeters with used car salesmen, your memory is mistaken.
(consulting my library of wildlife tapes)

Mosquitos are physically incapable of sly winks that assure you “this will be painless”.

No, they must be grouped with IRS agents who never blink nor hesitate before drawing blood.

But has Jim Fowler ever done a show on the Winnipegian females of our species. (with slight blue collar accent) “now this I gotta see!”

“America… just a nation of two hundred million used car salesmen with all the money we need to buy guns and no qualms about killing anybody else in the world who tries to make us uncomfortable.” ~Hunter S. Thompson

Missed this thread somehow.
if you can’t find a house, you’re welcome to stay at our place- there’s tons of room in the driveway for your van! You can plug it in once winter comes too!
Seriously, good luck amigo. The housing market here both sucks and blows.
the Ice-Cube Cell… has a ring to it…