Well, at least I had something to do.
Not only something but something satisfying
Mmmm…yeah, there is little more satisfying than scratching an itch and when you spend 10 days in Winnipeg during mosquito season you get lots of opportunity to satisfy yourself (go ahead, giggle, I don’t mind). The looong boooring ride back to Calgary through the Featureless (Desolate), Stark (Boring), Beautiful (If you are drunk), Breadbasket (Full of Gomers wearing John Deere Hats) of Canada is a good time to cut your inner dialog loose and see what happens.
In between satisfying scratches I had lots (and I mean LOTS!) of time to think…ever travel with three little kids in an “Estrogen-Sucker”? I recommend Walking, it would be faster, next time I am bringing an empty bucket and a fist full of Flintstone for kids sleeping pills. How about THAT Dr. Spock?
Anyway, the pure, unrelenting boringness (yes, I am making up a word, don’t like it? too freakin’ bad, you can stick to the English language all you want in YOUR bloody posts, this is mine) of the landscape plays hell with the continuity of thought. Just when you get a train of thought outta the station, along comes the “Holy fuck is this boring, I better drink some more coffee and turn up the tunes or I’m gonna pass out!” thought that kicks in the door of your peaceful little coherent thought process. Nonetheless, reflection on the last 10 days yielded this:
Due to the strangest Real Estate market “boom” ever to hit Winnipeg, ‘Cake and family will be living in a Van down by the river. Many park-like setting were noticed on the daily jaunts to view crappy, overpriced homes for sale or to line up like cattle to view one of only 6 decent dwellings in the whole freakin’ market that wasn’t priced over 1800/month or the 34,197 shitholes that are available for less than 800/month. Want something in-between?, in the memorable words of the first Realtor I spoke to " HA, HA, HA!"
I prefer the more open spaces as you have a better chance at early detection of the marauding bands of Hobo’s than in deeply wooded river banks.
Hey! It pays to be careful.
Yes, yes, I know what you are thinking, you are thinking “Hey 'Cake, what sort of plan did you have before you got there? I mean, you didn’t think that you would blow into town on Wednesday, have a house ready to go on Friday and then spend the next 8 days sitting by the pool drinking Beer and eating Cheese, did you?, because that would have been stupid”
Of course not.
I was prepared for it to take till Saturday.
Needless to say, Mrs. Cake and I will be flying out to take another crack at it later next week, things always work out for me and I have absolutely no fear that they will stop doing so now. Unless they don’t…then please accept my posted pic in the “In Celebration of T-Men” thread as my first personal ad because I am going to end up as a very lonely divorced guy if I do not land a house soon.
On the bright side, living in a Van down by the river may be easier if I look like Chris Farley and the way my diet was this last 10 days I am well on my way! Although every effort was made to separate macro’s and get in the required # of feeds, spending the whole time in town/outta town, looking for houses and camping out made dietary life difficult. I did however get to have stimulating conversation with my family every day about my diet like this:
"What the hell is that “stuff” you’re “on”? (Grow!)
“What do you mean you “need” to eat again?” (Sound familiar?)
“What, you don’t like Pizza?” (Uh, who the heck DOESN’T?)
“No, I do not want an egg-white omelette, I prefer real eggs” (Huh?)
“No carbs after 2 o’clock, that’s just stupid” (Would you care for yet another Beer? 'Cause, I’m sure that would be “Smarter”…)
“You sure have changed what with all this gym stuff and weird diet” (Thank you)
"You paid 70 bucks for that? Christ son, I drink (actual number edited out so as to not embarrass my Dad) beers a day and eat what I want and I’m in GREAT shape! and 65 years old too! ( In Dads defence, a lifetime of construction work has held him in good steed although with his current lifestyle I figure it’s ten, maybe fifteen years until I have to bury him)
The same conversations that all of us have with all of our families, so at least I am not the only one but still…
At least the Winnipeg T-Cell has some sort of beginning with Caber McJock and Ross McMahon…Winnipeg T-Vixens in lurking mode need to come out now…hello…I can hear you breathing…hello?
“Time is a circus, always packing up and moving away”
~ Ben Hecht