Parking penchant

Hey nation,
Is it just me in Omaha, or do you have these guys who insist on owning the biggest pickup in town, and always, always, backing into their parking spot. They don’t know what the f#$% their doing and always, always, end up taking two parking spots. Also, remember 10 to 15 years ago when somebody pulled into a handicap spot, you’d expect them to get out of the car with a missing arm or extreme limp. Now, it’s just I’m obese and sedentary. Well thats fine, what the f*&%, but lets change the signs to reflect todays trend:OBESE AND SEDENTARY PARKING:
Thank you, I needed that.

Well, since I can’t pull my horse or hay trailer with an Acura rice rocket I kind of have to have a full sized truck. Parking spaces in 80+% of parking lots are too small to park a Superduty or one of the big Dodges the guys from the gay rodeo like(not that there’s anything wrong with that) in and still have room to open the doors.

With the aisle lanes being as narrow as they are, and big trucks not having the best turn radius, pretty well makes backing in the best option to at least make an attempt to get square in the center of one space.

Not being a lazy bastard I just park farther away but I also live in a town where at least half of the vehicles are pickups and most of those are one tons. I guess thats because all of the land that hasn’t been turned into subdevelopments is either a dairy, beef, or horse farm and sometimes we have to move our cows or horses.

Driving in the city is a pain in the ass. I can’t even take my perfectly stock truck inside a parking garage and it has taken up to 30 minutes to find any place to park on the street.

So, I didn’t design and stripe the parking lots or build the parking garages but I’m stuck trying to use them. Once in a blue moon I might take up two spaces, or five if I’m dragging the pony box. I see guys with their new high dollar cars taking up two spaces in the vain attempt to avoid door dings too. I know they could fit in the space with ease.

It’s just the way it is.

My workout partner drives a gigantic truck, and every morning that behemoth rumbles into my driveway. I then spend the next 15 minutes patiently waiting for him to find a spot to back into. The worst thing is that he is a fireman so he thinks he has these spectacular backing skills. He never takes up two spaces though, I know this because I have to squeeze my fat ass out of his truck without letting his 900 lb. door hit the car parked 4 inches away!

if they had a fat people parking could we drive by and throw things at them?

I was trying to find parking at the movie theater yesterday and was noting the high number of minivans, trucks, and SUVs parked in spots that were explicitly labeled “SMALL CAR ONLY”. In this case, there were definitely wider/longer spots more appropriate for these vehicles available, just a little farther away. This is where I had to go park my compact. The spaces were labeled clearly people!

I get pretty frustrated looking for parking sometimes with the number of 1/2 spots and 3/4 spots left around by people not spacing themselves appropriately around meters and so on, or the people who park in 1.25 slots at the mall when the lot is completely full.

I wish everyone could just play nice.

Don’t get me started. Try parking in NYC if you want to experience frustration!

P Dog:



I refuse to live in a city where everyone drives like me!

How about making it illegal for obese people to park close! If you have over a certain body fat percentage you have to park in the back of the lot and take a much needed walk. Then you could save the handicapped spaces for people who need them for legitimate reasons.

Other stuff,
I’m also very fascinated by the incredibly complex and interesting lives my fellow americans lead. But, what really tugs at the strings of my heart, is that they are all so willing to share a slice of that rich experience with me, via their F*&^@#@ cell phones in intimate restaurant, busy classroom, and long anticipated movie theatre settings. I know this has been touched on before, but, this is Christmas, and I just want to say, thank you, thank you, thank you.

I agree with Steely (all except the stupid Dodge comment, like I’d want to drive one of those Fucking Obnoxious Retarded Driver trucks or something).

But I also agree that more and more of the “handicapped” drivers I see are more just fat and lazy than actually handicapped.

Get a life! Sponsor a war orphan in Afghanistan or adopt a greyhound or something meaningful to take your mind off life’s little annoyances. Some of the shit you guys whine about is unbelievable. Maybe T-Mag should have a “Whiner-of-the-Year” contest.

My doctor adopted a greyhound. One day her brother in law let it out and didn’t watch it and the coyotes lured it away and killed it. She’s had that happen to two of her dogs now. I was going to go over and sit around with my .22-250, a thermos of coffee, and a wounded rabbit call but I have better things to do. Things might be different if she’d have given me the free viagra six pack instead of saying she didn’t want to be my recreational drug dealer. Although when I think about it she did provide free lodging on that ski trip to Whistler last year. OK, I’ll whack the fucking coyotes in January.

I looked around as I walked to my truck, parked a good ways from the gym, today. About 1/3 of the cars were parked on or over the stripes between spaces. They weren’t that way because they were avoiding door dings. One of them was so beat up I think the bumper stickers were providing some structural support. People are just lazy I guess. I’m not going to lose sleep over it.

I drive and park a Dodge Dakota in Boston, and I always take only one space. I don’t back in to spots so that isn’t a problem. Of course, I’ve been driving trucks and SUVs my whole life, so I’m used to them. However, like Steely noted, there are definitely parking garages I avoid simply because they give me claustrophobia, even though I do have an inch or two of clearance left. What amazes me, actually, is how people with small cars like the aforementioned rice rockets manage to park so maladroitly as to take up two spaces – it takes real skill to cram a little Honda into two normal sized spots. It takes even more to cram some of the XXL asses I see in the driver’s side of said Honda behind the wheel. Perhaps they have those specially made mini-steering wheels to maximize belly room.

I had a parking garage tragedy once. I still have nighmares over it and tell the story at parties. My fiance and I were going to the Honolulu Courthouse to buy our marriage license ($8.50 and worth every penny). I was driving my 3/4 ton van with the fully carpetted back. It had a vent in the roof to let the breeze in and the smell of stale beer and wet diving gear out. At this time my van was damaged, as in the right rear door was missing. Some drunk smashed into it while it was parked and pretty well ripped the door off. A cold chisel and a big ball peen finished what the drunk had started. The insurance paperwork was moving along at it’s usual glacial speed so driving the van was an adventure.

I pulled up to the 2x6 hanging on it’s little chains and I cleared it easily. I drove slowly and found a spot. We parked, got the license, and came back. I slowly backed out and started carefully making my way to the exit. About 2/3 of the way around the floor I thought that if I hadn’t hit anything by now I wasn’t going to. I sped up a bit. BOOM! The vent hit a beam that was just a bit lower than all of it’s buddies and it exploded in all of it’s injection molded, UV embrittled glory.

“Fuck” we said in unison. There was nothing to be done so we proceeded in an easterly direction and hopped on H1. As I accelerated up to cruising altitude…uh, speed the fucking wreckage that had been the vent started spinning and twisting in the slipstream and banging the shit out of the roof. My soon to be married to me for life passenger lept up and with the wind rushing around the missing door and the newly missing vent hole she managed to grab the mangled mess on the roof, pull it inside, and jerk the damn wire that was holding it loose of the frame.

I knew she was gutsy and that was just one more confirmation of it. The fucking van was bad luck from the day I test drove it and it ran out of gas in a bad neighborhood to the Friday the 13th it got bashed by a drunk while I was off in my dress whites getting some good boy award for derring-do under the briny deep.

I don’t miss that old blue POS but I kind of miss the times we had. Aw, fuck it, the next adventure is around the corner.

Wow, three posts, and all three of them are of some content. Brother, I must have really touched something in you. Pause. Special moment. Now if you would please go resurrect my post in the T/N section, “2 proposals”, I would really appreciate it.
Thank you,

Needing the biggest truck if not job related is a sign of poor self esteem. Gunning your engine at a red light is like watching porn instead of actually partaking. People parking in handicapped parking spots…you may consider doing what I do. Carry your area’s no emergency number and call it if you see someone doing this. Give description and license plate number, time and location.

Just key them if they bother you.


Try this one, when trying to park in the city, park anywhere no matter how far from your destination, then jump in a cab. Whenever I go into the city this is what I do. I do not have the patience to look for a spot.