T Nation

Parents

Sorry if I sound whiney and annoying, but I just have to get this off my chest. Today while working out at home (I’m 17 and live with my parents) my mom came in and starts yelling at me in the middle of a set about not moving the laundry into the dryer. I told her I would do it as soon as I was done with my workout, but she got mad, pulled me, and tried to grab the dumbells out of my hands while I was doing curls. Talk about fucking up your focus! Anyway, I pushed her out of the way (not violently), continued my workout, and she went away.

They screw up my workouts fairly often–they don’t understand that I actually plan and concentrate when I workout; I don’t just throw around weights. My dad asked me for a workout routine, I gave him a modified Westside program (including rest periods), and he goes and eats pizza, folds laundry, vacuums, or does other highly un-T things between sets. My mom asked for advice, but all she wants to hear is things like “do high reps on the machines” and eat low fat, high carbs, and soy protein. She constantly criticizes my eating, referring to my “unbalanced diet” with “way too much protein” (at 180 lbs I eat about 130g/d protein, and more fruits and veggies than she does). She knows the healthy way to eat because she took a college nutrition class in the 1970s and has about 40% bodyfat. The worst part is when I defend my training dietary habits and she says " I thought I knew everything when I was a teenager, too."

All this negativity really ticks me off, but doesn't discourage me. However, tonight she told my dad that I pushed her and now he says he is going to take away my weights and my car until I apologize to her.

I would like to hear how any of you would handle this situation.

Ah, to be 17 again…

If I was your father you would not have to worry about the car or lifting, you would have to worry about healing! the lowest man on the planet is a man that puts his hands on a woman (and you know how I mean) and you put your hands on your own mother, you are a not a man and you may never be. you ARE the lowest of the low.

Apologize but deep down inside don’t mean it. Then you have your weights and the parents are off your back. Just ignore your parents and eat how you want to. My parents think a good diet is one that is almost completly carbs and nothing else. They are too old to understand and will not change their minds no matter how much proof you show them. Since you are 17 you will either be in college or on your own soon. Just wait it out.

you’re lucky you’re not sleeping on the steets!

I’d handle it by smacking you upside the head! Oh… you mean if I was you… I’d suck it up and apologize for being an ungreatful brat… there is no excuse for pushing your mother… when it was you who had not completed a task as agreed upon. As for thinking your father is a pussy because he vacuums and does laundry, you have a lot of learning to do, A real T-man is self sufficient. That means cleaning up after himself… and not leaving all the work for his wife to do… getting out of work only means someone else has to do it. Anybody ever work with people like that? … if your serious about getting your folks into a training plan, then make them a deal… you’ll do a few extra chores around the house if they agree to follow a routine you design. That way they just might have time to train since they’re not cleaning up after your ass.

#1) Apologize to your Mother, and do it when you mean it. #2) NEVER raise your hand to her again, and let her know (during your SINCERE apology) that it was just a moment of frustration. #3)Sit your parents down and let them know the love and passion you have for pushing the Iron and following a healthy diet. Discuss with your Mom all you’ve learned about nutrition and how you would like to share that knowledge with her. Let them know that you do what you do because not only do you LOVE it, but that it will all ultimately lead to a full and healthy life. That’s it…

Yep, whiny and annoying sounds about right. Until YOU pay the bills, don’t bitch. There are a lot of kids in this country your age who don’t even have HOMES, let alone ones with two parents, laundry machines, and cars to drive. Every time I pay a grocery bill or make a car payment, I think of how my parents busted their asses so that my brother and sisters and I had food to eat and a roof over our heads. Go to your local homeless shelter and take a good look at those folks. Without your parents’ support, that’s YOU you’re looking at. I’m sure THEY would just LOVE to hear about how your parents just don’t understand your need to focus during your workouts.

It’s posts like this that make me terrified of another World War.

Join a gym.

Give your mother respect and show it as much as you can but stick to your convictions. This is a lesson/circumstance that you will always come across. Learn diplomacy and you will be unstoppable.

I had the same exact parents. Although I didn’t do anything to my mother, they had the same dickhead mentality. I totally disregarded them. Any time they asked for a diet or workout plan, I’d make them pay me for it, cause something given for free has no perceived value, even to your parents. I say fuck them. You’re right dude. And don’t listen to these assholes who tell you you should get your ass kicked cause you pushed your mom. Shit happens.

It is difficult educating your parents; I am very familiar with that. BUT, the frustration that stems from the education issue should NEVER have been allowed to be released on your mother. I understand that you did not push her roughly, but your mom does not perceive it that way. THAT is what matters. For example, right now while I’m typing this, I have the best intentions in the world of simply providing my point of view and offering an opinion, hopefully so that you can understand a different point of view. HOWEVER, one person may come in here and read this as me yelling at you. Another person may come in here and think I’m full of myself, trying to preach at you. So, my perception (and intention) may not be another’s perception, and it applies in your case, as well. Except we’re not talking about a simple forum, we’re talking about your relationship with your mother and the unbelievable importance that she places on that. You must understand that she is probably a little AFRAID of you now, and it may be difficult to gain that trust back. To literally answer your question: “what would you do”… I would apologize very sincerely for pushing her, explaining that being rough was NOT my thought or intent.

I would apologize for not moving the laundry, especially if it is something that has been a topic of discussion before. I would ASK her to respect that you value your workout time, and in return you will be more thoughtful of the various topics you and your parents may have discussed. In an ideal world, with rational parents, this should help. Also, by doing this (providing it is sincere), YOU have done the right thing, and your parents will never be able to come back to you for continued wrongdoing. If they are NOT rational, you have STILL done the right thing. You can live with the peace that comes from being the better person and doing the right thing later down the road - when you have moved out.

d-dawg: when I was 17 it was a situation much like you discribed, my parents didnt understand $hit! I would suggest to appologize but dont mean it. You should go your own way and give a fuck about others that stand in your way (even family if they do)
that way youll have a lot more success in life, dont try to please everyone, go your own way and one day you will be a champion, in sports and in life. remember:
“I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is to try to please everyone”

btw, I would have splapped my mother if she took my weights away!
way to go soldier! do your thing!
-m

I would say the lowest of low are people that abuse children or the disabled, not women. Hetyey you need to relax, its not like he socked his mom. I agree that there is something wrong with boys who beat up their moms. He didn’t though-- if his account is accurate, he freed himself from his mom’s grasp nothing more. Have your parents read the facts and fallacies of Fitness by M.C. Siff, to dispell workout myths.

Sounds like standard 17 year old stuff. Just remember…some day you will regret every single disrespectful moment you ever had with your parents, no matter how “justified”. Try not to set yourself up for too many regrets. It can be a real bummer.

Holy shit, i have the exact same situations as you man. I try to tell my parents that it takes concentration to do squats heavy or lights, or any exercise really. THey always seem to ask me something or bother me when i’m doing the workout, like can’t it just wait a little. One time i was doing bench and trying to concentrate hard on getting all 6 reps, and my mom comes downstairs on like the 4th and starts bugging me about shit, fuck i lost it and the weight nearly fell on me. If i would of put locks on the bar i would of been stuck, I couldn’t help but lose my temper on that one.

How should you handle the situation? I think you should do ALL the laundry for a full month, and work on your brains before worrying about your muscle. This is after you apologize profusely and kiss your mother’s feet. Oh, and in case its too hard for you to comprehend, I’ll give you a HINT: Next time your mother comes in the room while you are working out…gently put your weights down and see what she wants.

Eat it and appologize. They may not understand you, or your goals, but they are your parents and are paying for the majority of your life. They do deserve respect even when they are not understanding.

you probably feel reasonably bad for hitting her, even though what she did wasn’t right to interupt your workout. Even if what she did was wrong, you should be a T-dude and do the right thing which is giving her the apology she wants(doesn’t really matter if you really are sorry)
I am 16 and I have shit like this happen to me, so I know. If you can afford a car, go get a gym membership. I did a smart thing which is work at a gym cause I get paid and have a free membership. With the nutrition part, just follow your own path and ignore unnecessary criticism.

I disagree with several of my fellow T-bro’s input. I wouldn’t categorize your violence towards your mother as abusive or unwarrented. You were in a state of mind which is emotionally straining (albeit enjoyable) and she broke the inertia of concentration. Had you struck her, I would consider that excessive, but she invaded your physical space which is not the safest thing to do when someone is in the middle of curls or any other exercise. Thre is high stress, high adrenaline, and the testosterone is flowing. As for the “Other kids in this country live in shacks, ect.” That is very true, and very unfourtunate. However looking at the situation of another individual in NO WAY remedies d-dawg’s issue. Explain to mom that you need your space when you’re working out and afterwords you’ll abide by her every command (or something to that effect). While you should be respectful, I think in this case an apology gives her leverage in a situation where she shouldn’t have any. When you’re working out, you’re working out, case in point. Besides, in cases like these, someone being wrong and someone being right is not as constructive as finding a solution to the problem, whomever it belongs to.

“MB Eric: Your local Anesthetic since 1521.”

-Eric