Serious question here guys. Want your advice please.
I have a girlfriend that is perfect in almost everyway, but she is a little overweight and I am losing attraction to her. To be honest, I was not initially attracted to her to begin with do to her size, but her beautiful personality won me over. and through the progression of the relationship, I overlooked her weight (initially 35 pounds overweight). She will make a good wife, I just fear that she will blow up more than what she is now, because even now, I am depressed when I see her naked and honestly am getting tired of the sex. She is now about 20 pounds overweight and she cleans up very nice, concealing her weight to a point where she just looks like she has mad back (her fat storage is centralized around her lower body). I know it sounds shallow, but it?s true. I am a huge excersise nut and always have been and until the day I can no longer move properly, always will be. I feel that the body is a gift and we should pamper it with love and it is a gift to your spouse that can be enjoyed and admired. I don?t have any other way to put it. It is not that I am projecting any other problem we are having beacuse our relationship is strong. Does anyone understand? What solutions can I find for this, because I find myself straying? I am a very good looking man and my girlfriend also very pretty, but what I need is for her to turn me on like all of my previous girlfriends have with their tight bodies. I know that it might never happen, but I cannot see myself with a woman that I am losing physical attraction to. I know that looks and bodies are all temporary, but I need to have my girfriend feel the same way about these things as I do. We are young now, and if it is like this now, it won’t get better later. we currently are working out together and I am trying to instruct her, and I do not want to push her as this is a delicate subject matter to her as it is for most women. Any advice? Am I jus an asshole, because I honestly do not feel like I am. I am a very good person who does not cheat on girlfriends and is always on the striaght and narrow, but you cannot change what the heart wants.
Serious question here guys. Want your advice please.
Forgot to add that shee has not lost any additional weight in a year. She seems to be cheating with her diet.
No you’re not an asshole.
I mean come on, you can’t force politically correct beliefs upon one’s own impulses.
You cannot help what attracts you.
The only advice I could give is to try and talk to her about this. She has to make the decision to lose weight, unless something snaps in you and suddenly you’re attracted to her again. But like you said…this is a delicate subject…
I’m a firm believer in communication though…
best thing you can do…have her start reading t-mag.
Either you’re satisfied with her or you’re not. If you have doubts now because of the way she looks, it is probable that your concerns will increase. She WILL get bigger eventually. That’s a no-brainer.
What does her mom look like?
I think what you want is reasonable, and a very difficult issue.
Ask her to go to the gym with you.
And prepare healthy meals together…
That’s the best advice I can think of.
I don’t know man, that’s a tough one.
As I posted in my WOOOHOOO!! thread, my wife is overweight, but is starting to lift. She was overweight when I married her, so I’ve no right asking her to get “tight”, however, I’m very impressed with the progress she’s making.
I love her with all my heart and the weight won’t change that, but I do get more excited when she’s leaner. The thing is, if you really love her, it won’t matter. If her weight makes you want to be elsewhere, than you should probably be elsewhere.
Don’t make it permanent thinking that she’ll get fit later. That’s like a woman thinking she’ll change her husband once they’re married. Not gonna happen.
Ask the “freeman” about this, send him a PM. His girlfriend porked up over winter break and he still likes her.
I don’t know where people got the idea that men prefering a certain aesthetic was “shallow”. It’s not.
Especially compared to what many women look for in men.
Women dating and marrying paunchy, bald doctors and lawyers with bad moustaches is shallow.
Now, on to your question. I had a girlfriend that was a bit chubby and didnt like to work out.
I asked her to come running with me but she always made excuses so I gave her som e incentive.
I put a crazed look on my face and started chasing her down the street with a butcher knife. It was hilarious!!
Most females like doing things together. Find some activity she might enjoy (biking, jogging, roller blading…I’m sure you have a better idea) and show an interest in it. I know cardio sucks but lasting relationships are built on sacrifices. Then make the time when the two of you can do it together. This way you can be kinda subliminal about it without getting smacked.
Like someone else said, you’re not an asshole. T-Vixens expect T-Men. Why should T-Men expect any less?
Other than that, do whatever it takes to fix this. The resentment will continue to build up within you if you don’t and you’ll find yourself in an ugly situation.
We sound like an episode of Oprah.
Anyway, I had a girlfriend that was really lean when I met her (she played tennis), but she hurt her leg and gained 20 pounds. I know what you mean by losing attraction.
I started playing tennis which I had never done before and let her watch me. I was horrible and it bothered her so much that I was that bad that she got back in shape just to kick my ass in tennis.
Does your girlfriend have any kind of sport or activity? Let her kick you ass in it (or let her think she kicked your ass) and maybe it will get her motivated or something like that.
Thanks for the responses guys. Yeah, she likes tennis and likes to bike. I plan on do a lot of this with her in the future. I want to get her in shape fast. I am tired of looking at a sloppy bottom. I look at other women, and think " man, am I asking for too much". Oprah and all of these PC people have really made us second guess primal insticts. her mom by the way is not fat, either are any other females in her family.
its weird, girls cry when the significant other tells them they’re fat, but when a friend does they don’t mind.
for example, my best friend is a girl. short, hyooge boobs and used to have a tight gut. shes had a boyfriend for over a year now and whenever he tries to encourage her to get her ass on the treadmill she cries to me. i straight up told her she had a gut and rather than kicking me in the nuts she had me put together a workout plan (asked for diet advice too but i don’t know shit about that). while shes lost only a couple lbs, she feels better about herself and actually looks a bit better.
so maybe get a second (neutral) party involved.
Personally I always thought that the way somebody took care of their body was an indicator of personality. Would a girl that gets drunk throughout a week make a good wife? Of course not. Will someone that isn’t into exercise ever fulfill your needs? Probably not. She doesn’t have to go to the gym, as long as she stays active and is trying to look good.
I find the girls that say they are confident in how they look, but really don’t look all that great are really just covering up. There’s outside self confidence, then there’s true deep confidence. If a girl doesn’t have the latter it’s hard to stay with them. They’ll be watching Opra too much Not to say you can’t get along with them, it’s just harder. I don’t think it’s always just weight either. Girls are always self-concious naked. If you find one that isn’t, you either have a winner or a porn star. BTW anybody been wacthing Family Business? That’s some funny shit cousin Stevie gets himself into.
Just my opinion though.
Similar problem except my girlfriend of 3 months (she’s 48 and has 4 children) has a pouch or loose skin. She’s 5’ 4" and weighs only 130. Can this pouch be lost by exercise? Or is this a tummy tuck situation? Comments please.
You like what you like, so if her weight is truly an issue, do both of you a favor and move on.
You should seek a mate/gf/whatever that has the characteristics with which you can truly be satisfied. Likewise, she deserves the opportunity to seek out someone who can truly accept her “as is.” Otherwise, your relationship will continue to be built on deceit, and at some point, that is going to cause all kinds resentment.
In the end, it’s about displaying the kind of character that you would expect from her if the situation were reversed. I mean, if she was not physically attracted to you anymore, wouldn’t you prefer that she ended the relationship sooner, rather than later, to allow you to find someone who could accept you “as is”, despite the short term pain?
You don’t have to be cruel or blunt - you could simply say that although you enjoy being with her, you want the opportunity to date other people (which is the truth, is it not?) and leave it at that.
Firstly, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to be with an attractive, fit woman. However, don’t feed me this crap about how you “can’t change what the heart wants.” Especially when you start out by saying you were initially unattracted to her but became attracted later. People’s tastes change all the time, and they find a variety of things attractive, even if they are happy with their partners – especially after time passes. And aside from that, physical attraction has a lot less to do with your heart than with your nuts.
That said, if you’ve already got her exercising, try to drill down on her diet more – especially given that you think she is cheating. Sell her on the “planned cheats” and try to get her to stay clean otherwise. Put some time and effort in to making a meal plan, and get her to keep a food log. Take some “before” photos, and take more on a monthly basis to chart progress. And don’t forget to give her lots of positive reinforcement on her progress – especially if she can sense that you’re unhappy with her physically at present, which I can almost guarantee you she can. A reward of a new, smaller outfit or some other such thing might also be good.
Once you get her making good progress she can see in the mirror, it will be its own reward. In all honesty, I think everyone who has read up on the basics here knows the physical ins and outs of weight loss. The key will be to keep her mentally motivated.
Archaic got the best idea.
You should help her diet. But never remind her of her diet.
I’ve seen this happen with my friends. Guy would question his GF choice at a restaurant. She’d get embarrassed and told him she’s off the diet so lay off of her.
From a woman who used to weigh in over 200#s and has maintained a 80+# weight loss for the last 4 years, this is my advice- accept her as she is or leave. The only time weight loss/healthy living is to work is when it comes from within. No amount of external pressure will ever make someone lose and keep off the weight. I had a wonderful, loving (and super-fit) bf/fiance who admitted that he would prefer if I lost weight (but it wasn’t a condition of his love) and I couldn’t lose weight for him, for our impending wedding, for anything. Do you think anyone likes being overweight? Like any woman would rather look like Rosanne Barr instead of Brittany Spears? I think your heart is in the right place and I don’t think you’re an asshole. But you need to accept her as she is today, or move on. There are so many reasons people stay overweight and reject a healthy lifestyle. Looking back, I can’t believe I was ever obese and that I allowed myself to live that way. But I did, and it was a very long journey I took to get where I am today. The only way that it worked was when it came from me. PM me if you would like to talk a little more about it, I’d be happy to talk with you and share my experience.
ps- Again, I know you guys have your hearts in the right place when you suggest trying to get your girls more active by suggesting walks, bike rides, etc. Said ex used to do that, and in the long run it just made me resent him AND exercise.
She’ll only get fatter.