T Nation

ouch

Hi guys. I have a little problem. My roommate beats me on a daily basis. It hurts. I am looking for a new workout program so I can better handle this situation. My stats: 5’5" 145lbs, 12%bf - 185 bench, 265 dl, 205 squat, 450 leg press. My roommate is 6’4" 215 and about 18% bf. Thanks for the help,
sincerely
–beaten

Here’s a great workout for that. Take all your stuff, and pack into cardboard boxes. Lift up one box, take it to your car/U-Haul, and put it in. This is one set. Continue until all boxes are loaded.

How do you expect to beat your roomate when he is almost a foot taller and 70 pounds heavier. Just workout to improve your lifts and do not compare it with someone else’s lifts. I learned this a while back and I find I am better off thinking like this.

If he is literally beating you up, then just call the police on him. You could also move out. If you want to be real crazy pull a gun on him or something. Catch him while he is asleep and pull a Full Metal Jacket. Strap him to his bed and whack him with a bar of soap in a sock. As far as workouts go, eat 4000 calories a day and go to issue #1 and read lifting maximal weights by Poliquin.

LOL funny shit nephorm!

Sorry to hear about your problem, Maam. Call the cops if he beats you again.

I think it’s your roommate’s diet that’s out of whack. Try mixing a good rat poison into his food. (Alternatively, you could just drop a hint that you might do that. Probably work just as well.)

Hes a little bit bigger than you are,lol. You aren’t going to win this battle anytime soon I wouldn’t think. Get bigger!

Is this roommate a friend or lover of yours??? Are you a girl?? Why would you live with someone that beats you??

I’ve been through similar situations myself. Trust me, no workout will ever help you until you fight back. Even though he is bigger and stronger than you are he does not want to get hurt, and you can hurt him if you fight him tooth and nail. Remember, a 6’4" 215 lbs fat ass attacking his 145 lbs roommate is a coward. A lost tooth or even a black eye will hurt his overinflated pride more than you think. With all due respect to Nephorm, do not run or the image of your roommate will be back to haunt you forever. Next time he lays his hand on you, you will be ready. You had the nerve to post your message here, you will have the courage to teach him a lesson. Good luck.

Kick him in the balls.

Tough situation, especially with his reach. But since you are shorter, maybe you could look into tripping techniques. Also, I find that doing specialized squat, DL, and Powerclean work is great for fighting in general, as the three exercises in combination really hone in well on both stabilizing and punching muscles. Best of luck to you.

Take a pair of jumper cables next time and clamp them on his one eyed snow snake OR
If you have private toilets connect one of thos big batteries 10v i thinknot car batteries and tape it to the back of the tiolet, and have two metal wires running into the water to shock the shit out of him next time he takes a piss, talk about some funny shit!!! Now thats hurting his manhood* pun intended.

pugs

Why are you two fighting like this?
The ‘kick him in the balls’ approach will probably work great. Another good one is to get in close and STOMP start from his kneecap down to the foot. Follow that up with some type of ball grab or two handed club-strike to the neck or kidney.
The only ‘workout’ I can think of that will help you is maybe a krav maga class or something along those lines.

I had the same problem with a former roommate. Here’s what I did, hope it works for you.

First I slipped some date rape drugs into his kool-aid.
He later awoke tied down with a pair of scissors in his ass.
Then I got my toolkit and played 'My Little Dentist" for 3 hours.

After having served 2 yrs on good behavior I resumed my studies. I put up those newspaper clippings in my dorm and i’ve never had a problem with a RM ever since.

I would suggest that you walk around the apartment covered in ky jelly, so every time he tries to beat you up, U can safely slip away.

Sorry roomie, didn’t know that bothered you…

You plenty strong to kick his ass! It only takes 18# of pressure to rip someone’s ear off and hand it to them. Stand-up for yourself, then move.

And people wonder why the old school forumites have begun to post less and less. I mean, golly. Lata.

MBE: "Seriously praying to the ghost of Charles Darwin for a 'lil quickness since 1902."

-Eric

Pithy and to-the-point, as usual.

"IronSlammer - trying to figure out where MBE gets his witty closing remarks since T-Mag issue 24"