T Nation

oral sex


#1

Okay,
I recently started dating a girl who revealed to me that she's not very fond of recieving oral sex. I was a bit taken back by that comment since all women I know enjoy it very much due to the direct stimulation of the clitoris.
Anyway, I was curious and decided to ask her if she had a bad expierence or what it was about it that turned her off. She said she didn't know but questioned me as to why I questioned her on the subject. I replied that I thought it was odd to here her dismissal of that particular sex act for what I thought were obvious reasons. I mean wouldn't a girl think it quite strange if she met a guy who said they didn't care for blowjobs?
Well, she took the whole conversation as if I was making her feel like she was some type of freak because of how she viewed that particular sex act. She actually started to cry a little. I apologized profusely and assured her that wasn't my intention.
Eventually she said something to the effect like " maybe my former boyfriends didn't know what they were doing" I find that hard to beleive, but who knows? She did say that she would like to try it with me. Of course I will eventually but I feel as though she's not telling me everything.
Can anyone give me some possible insights to this dilema? Ladies? Guys? Any advise will be helpful. Thanks for your time.


#2

somewhere between 20 to 25% of all women have been sexually abused. think about it.


#3

I think actually that alot of women are uncomfortable receiving oral sex. Especially if they are younger. Some women are just insecure about their own anatomy, and some women have an ingrained belief that it is dirty, or they think it will taste gross, smell bad, they think it is ugly, or whatever. So it could be something as simple as that. I think you need to talk to her (gently!), and take it slow. I have never actually had an orgasm from oral sex, not that I don't like it, it is great foreplay, but I can't orgasm from it. Upon discovering this most past boyfriends seem to have thought it was some sort of challenge, convinced if they just did this or that, they would be the one to unlock the secret door. Nope. For the most part I find direct clitoral stimulation fairly uncomfortable. I get so sensitive that it is completely unbearable. I do however like indirect stimulation, (think dry hump, not to be too crude here) especially through clothing. So maybe it is something similiar with her as well. Also, since it is a fairly new relationship, she may just need some time to become more comfortable with you.


#4

Dude, Savannah hit it on the head, at least from my experience. I've talked to a lot of women who are self-conscious because they worry that the guy doesn't really like doing it, but is only doing something he doesn't enjoy for her benefit.


With girls like that, you have to sell them that you love doing in -- more than just you like to do it to see them happy. You've got to be gentle with her, and understanding of her insecurities, but then when you do it, you've got to love it. Then you'll be her sexual Prince Charming.


#5

Or, maybe her previous boyfriends really were just lame. Call up the orla sex threads, bone up (so to speak) and give it a (slow, careful) shot.


If you're the one who rings her bell, you'll have her for life.


#6

More from the "They're all crazy" department.


I'm not sure why, but a lot of chicks seem to have this intense fear/dislike/paranoia about their genitals. They seem to think that they're dirty and smelly, and I'm not sure where that comes from. I mean, it's not like they can all have been raised by the mom in Carrie.


I've had some paint-peeling crotch rot before, but I know that if I shower, I'm fine. You would think they would feel the same way. I can understand a girl not wanting me to take a muff dive after she's been to the gym, but when you're reasonably fresh out of the shower, it should be OK, you know?


Personally, I'd like to think of myself as an oral sex master. I love it, and quite honestly, I enjoy eating it more than fucking it. My experience has been that the girl really needs to know how much you want to do it, and how much you enjoy it. Tell her how much you think about doing it, how her pussy is so pretty, and you love it.


You've got to show her that you think of it as a nice, happy little sex organ, and not nature's stink trap. Have enthusiasm when you go down on her, and don't be overly rough or expect her to cum like crazy in the first 5 minutes.


If all else fails, and she's hot, send her my way. :slightly_smiling:


#7

She might not like oral sex because her daddy did? Many girls have been sexually abused... If this is the case TURN AND RUN!


#8

I'd have to agree with the majority of Savannah's and Jack Dublin's posts. Personally, while I enjoy recieving oral sex as foreplay, I rarely cum from it. My "problem" is much the opposite of Savannah's though. I find it difficult to get enough stimulation from oral, instead of finding it generates too much stimulation. Whether I am just an oddball or a freak, I don't know (or really care). Because of my fondness for pressure/friction, even men that are self-professed "masters" at oral actually suck (pun intended). Many men think they are great at giving oral and perhaps when performing on the majority of women, they are; they just don't seem to be able to take direction when dealing with me. I've been very vocal in describing what they should do with their hands/mouth and even demonstrated once or twice and they just....don't...get it.

Regarding a man being "the one to ring her bell" and the chick subsequently being hooked for life, I am an example of that not being the case. Again, it could be that I'm just very different than most women (a surprise to y'all I'm sure) as I did run across one man that was able to get me off that way on a consistant and very satisfying basis and I was by no means 'hooked' on him. Could be because he was something of a freak in his own right though, as he'd not allow me to reciprocate. All we ever did was hang out, watch a movie, he'd give me a wonderful massage, eat me till I came and then pretty much shut down for the night. It was so frustrating because he'd not let me suck or fuck him. He just had no interest in anything below his own belt. Other than that, there've been few (and far between) instances of my getting an 'O' from oral - nothing to really write home about. And nothing to get 'hooked' over.....but since my proclivity is giving oral, that could be a factor. I'd much rather give than recieve; or at least be in a 69 position so I'm giving whilst recieving.


#9

I had a girl once like you. She really got off on my sucking her clit into my mouth and pressing it against the back of my teeth and rubbing really hard with my tongue. Between that and a finger up her ass and she was a happy camper. Ever have a guy try the teeth thing?


By the way, if you demonstrated how to give oral sex on yourself, I'd be willing to pay a few bucks to see that. :slightly_smiling:


#10

Yup, I've told a number of guys to try the teeth thing but they seems to have a hard time understanding that I don't mean to BITE my clit but to use pressure. The biting of clits is not terribly pleasurable. :wink: Most men lack the tongue-strength to give me the pressure I like so I've told them to use the technique you described as well as rolling their tongue over their top teeth and then using the teeth to apply pressure. If you push hard enough, my clit will find that happy little place between the top of your tongue and your gumline and get lots o' pressure (friction also by the skin attachment of you upper lip to gumline).

And nope, the demonstration wasn't on myself. I may be flexible, but that'd be a bit more than I can muster. I had a friend that was more than interested in donating her body to the exploratory sciences. Sad that even after watching said demonstration, the guy's technique was still lacking.


#11

WOW. So many different opinions and emotions here. Every one is an expert pussy eater or at least they think they are. If you cannot get everyone off that you eat then there is a problem. Not very hard to listen to what the other person has to say or moan should I say. A good practice for all you men that want to learn the proper technique for appropriate amount of bite pressure on a clit. Just grab a grape and put it in your mouth and gently bite on it and twirl your tongue around it and so on and so forth, if you break the skin of the grape then you are biting too hard. Karma, sorry if you have every had your clit bitten I am quite sure it hurts as I have had my member bitten once and it does not feel good at all. I guess this is where the woman with no teeth and all gums joke comes into play.


#12

If you really care about this girl, then be really patient. Take alot of time during foreplay. Kiss and lick her entire body. Ease into oral sex with her. Don't just dive in because it sounds as if maybe she is not really comfortable with herself. Alot of women have to learn that and the right guy can really make a big difference. I was in my 30's before I became at ease with oral sex. I loved doing it but was unable to enjoy having it done to me until the right man made me so comfortable with him that I was able to really let go and relax. I really think it comes down to trust, as weird as that sounds. When you are comfortable with someone and trust them completely, then you can do anything with them.


#13

Just lick her butt hole until she feels comfortable with you licking her beaver.


#14

Start with just kissing it. No tongue penetration. Just kiss it. Do this for awhile until she feels comfortable. Don't lick it. Just kiss it. Got it?


#15

Run dammit, run!!!!!! How does she feel about intercourse? This is a red flag man.