T Nation

Open Letter To Bush

Dear President Bush,

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God’s Law. I learned
a great deal from you and understand why you would propose and support a
constitutional amendment banning same sex marriage. As you said, “In the
eyes of God marriage is based between a man and a woman.” I try to share
that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend
the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus
18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination… End of debate. I do need
some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God’s Laws
and how to follow them.

  1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female,
    provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine
    claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify?
    Why can’t I own Canadians?

  2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus
    21:7 In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

  3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her
    period of menstrual uncleanness -

Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most
women take offense.

  1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a
    pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is, my neighbors. They
    claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

  2. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2.
    clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him
    myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

  3. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an
    abomination Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I
    don’t agree. Can you settle this? Are there ‘degrees’ of abomination? Oh,
    sorry. IS there degrees???

.

  1. Lev.21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a
    defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my
    vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

  2. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around
    their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.19:27. How
    should they die?

  3. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me
    unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

  4. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different
    crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two
    different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse
    and blasphemes lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of
    getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16.

Couldn’t we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do
with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable
expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God’s word is eternal and unchanging.

"Dear President Bush,

"Since I hate you so much, I am incapable of rational thought of my own, and therefore must resort to getting my thoughts from liberal websites, and work hard pushing their propaganda.

"I never check my facts, and don’t even realize that you didn’t actually make the exact quote I purported you did, and in fact I never even realized this is an old joke from joke websites that initially attacked Dr. Laura. Apparently changing the name to Bush makes it true about Bush.

"I also purport to have a deeper understanding of the Bible then many of the Biblical scholars who still debate the issues within it’s pages. Instead I can take a passage, (or at least plagiarize another person taking the passage,) and purport to know it’s absolute meaning, not knowing if the words are even said to be from god, or just a person in power.

"Regardless I am glad to show my total disrespect for your religion, as tolerance is something I obviously do not believe in. Unless it is absolute acceptance of liberal beliefs, as that is something that should be tolerated. Tolerance is something that only applies to liberal thought after all.

"It should be noted that any conservative idea, philosophy, or belief should not be tolerated, and should be blown out of proportion, and all meaning twisted to the point that to state the acceptance of civil unions, with all the rights of marriage, just not the word, is actually saying you want all gays to be sent to Auschwitz, Dachau, or worse, France.

“Supporting the freedom of liberal speech,
dcdeadlift”

(Humor in the vein it was intended.)
;^)

No offense dcd, but we did this to death like a year ago. Chime in on the “moral issues, gay marriage and abortion” thread… it’s still going pretty good.

This letter has already been the subject of a thread.