T Nation

One liners

Ramone “he looked at me like a giant panda riding a bike”
Bp “you need this girl in your live like a moose needs a hatrack”

Hilarious! Anyone got any more?

That Guy/Girl had more chins than a Chinese phone book.

woman…“You sir are drunk!”

Winston Churchill… “You ma’am are ugly. In the morning I shall be sober.”

Woman “If you were my husband I would poison your drink”. Winston Churchill “Maam, if you were my wife I would drink it”.

Me: "You dumbass, sometimes you’re as sharp as a pillow"

Friend: “Sharp as a pillow like a FOX!”

When you get where your going, there you are.


Hmmm, they have the internet on computer now.

Lisa, just because I don’t CARE, doesn’t mean I don’t understand!

Oh Lisa! You and your stories! Bart is a vampire! Beer kills brain cells! Now lets go back to that …building … thingy… where our beds and TV… is.

Homer: Are you saying you’re never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?

Lisa: No!

Homer: Ham?

Lisa: No!

Homer: Pork chops?

Lisa: Dad! Those all come from the same animal!

Homer: Heh heh heh … ooh … yeah right, Lisa. A wonderful … magical animal.

“She plays a mean slobber blues on the ol’ meat horn”

“Ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I shall not put.” HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! I still laugh my head off when I read that.

“It’s not so much how you pick your nose; but where you put the boogers…”

“they’re like two monkey’s fucking footballs.” “its like beating off with boxing gloves.” “its hotter than two mice fucking in a sock right now.”

Some my roommate said my first year in college, he flunked out by the way, but still funny.

“Well I’m gonna go get a case of beer so I can start studying.”

“Shit, I’d hit the crack between her toes if she’d let me.”

“There isn’t anything wrong with fucking hitch hikers, unless they’re dudes.”

“It is my goal to drink the most amount of beer possible when I drink, none of this one or two beer shit.”

“Short, tall, fat, small, it doesn’t matter I’d fuck em all.”

“I drank my first beer at 10 this morning you pussy!”

“When I told you to go fuck yourself, I didn’t mean for you to take it literally”


Said of an agile athlete who always manages to elude defensive players: “He’s got more moves than a migrant farm worker.”

Kayrob, all you need to do is type “Monkeyboy Eric” into the search engine here and you’ll find enough one-liners to keep you busy till the next millenium.

Slicker’n deer guts onna doorknob. Shiny’ern snot onna tv screen. Smells like foot’n ass in here. Pretty’ern a box uh Biotest…uh…not really. Moisturrrrre.

Doorman to my best friend and I coming back to our hotel at 6am in Mexico: Getting started a little early today aren’t we?

My best friend: “Getting started amigo…we never stopped!”