T Nation

One Hundred Cheeseburgers vs a Doctor


#1


A slightly bigger than normal, angry, adult, male doctor. Wherever the doctor naturally live, except it's only the size of a football field. The cheeseburgers can be whatever kind you want, but no secret sauce. They have to fight this doctor with their own selves. They may use the torn buns and maimed toppings of fallen friends as weapons against the doctor.

I think you could get like ninety of them to surround the doctor, then scare and confuse it while the rest split up. From the group of ten, two could work on poking the doctors eyes out and then climbing on it wrap their onion rings around its neck to choke it, while the last eight burgers, hold down its limbs. Two per arm and leg

Well?


#2

My first question is whether or not this fake doctor can make a #fullhouse to defend himself from the burgers?


#3

PX wins.


#4

This is a real doctor guys.
The doctor is nameless.
No tools or weapons for either side.


#5

If he means the McDonalds ones, easily.


#6

Yeah well, it does make a difference if the Cheeseburginator battles his life long prey, or if we are talking a 160lbs neurosurgeon who is a practicing vegan.


#7

He said a doctor, not a dentist.


#8

I think the doctor inhales 10 burgers and starts to think he can win.

Suddenly, the burgers merge together and form a cheeseburger motorcycle, the only weakness the angry doctor has.

They run him over, and suddenly he loses his #fullhouse look.

The burgers may rape him afterwards.
That's debatable


#9

It honestly depends on the doctor's goals. If he's recomping, trying to hold his weight for roughly a decade and a half, then he will only eat maybe 50-60 burgers.

But if he sees a bit of lat growth and decides to ride those gains it out a bit, well then.... Those burgers are fucked. He's eating allllllll of 'em.


#10

He's trying to make all kindssssssss of gainssssss


#11

#12

The thing about cheeseburgers is that when they are in groups they become docile and very easy to beat one by one.

One rogue burger on a bad day will fuck up even the best burger brawlers though.


#13

Good post.
There is a common misconception in the burger community about them becoming ravenous in large packs/herds.
This is simply not the case unless they are stimulated.
Once riled up though, watch out.


#14

This thread isn't even a page long and i already laughed out loud a few times, i like where this is heading.


#15

You bring up a good point too with the stimulation. If someone just pares the herd down one by one from the outside in, by the time they realize anything is amiss there are only a couple left.

You shoot straight in and grab at the core of the herd and get all of the surrounding burgers riled up, there is no telling what type of carnage will ensue.


#16

You sir, just made me lol


#17

This post was flagged by the community and is temporarily hidden.


#18

Burger rape?

I'm not going to sleep tonight.


#19



#20

It's a lot like the human centipede

Pepper your angus really takes on a new meaning in this regard.