T Nation

On a sad note ...

Has anyone ever had a spouse die? Just curious because of other thread discussions about getting over girlfriends/boyfriends, or divorces, but what about getting over someone who was loving you up untill they died, and you were loving them back? What then? This isn’t personal, I’m just curious.

Grief counseling.

Never had it happen but I’d only imagine it’d be just like having your best friend die. Try to remember all the things that made that person so special and realize that they loved you and would want nothing more than for you to be happy.

I didn’t mean How do you stop greiving, as much as I meant how, if at all, do you start to be able to love somebody else, romanticly speaking? (Especially if things were perfect with said spouse) Or should you even expect to be able?

You are depressing the shit out of me. LOL. I dont’ really know…I guess if you found someone who made you feel right again and adequate time passed so you were sure of what you felt it’d be OK. Once again when I have love for somebody it brings me joy to see them happy. If you’re happy with you’re life then that’s ultimately what should be the deciding factor.

Good answer. Sorry about the depressing topic, but since reading other threads on break-ups, and the almost unanimus belief of sleeping with other girls to get over the relationship, I wondered what response this question would get.
Do you think, though, that it would be possible to stop comparing everyone new with the memory of the fallen person?

PS
If you could fight anybody, who would it be?

I lost the love of my life 10 years ago from cancer at the young age of 28. I still think of her and miss her deeply every day. She blessed me with a beatiful 1 year old daughter who is like her in every way. That is both a tremendous joy and a terrilble sorrow to see what I had and what I never will again every day.

The pain never goes away you just learn to deal with it and go on the best way you know how. I did not date or want to date anyone for 3 years after she died, I guess I was seriously depressed. I went from 205 down to my “natural” weight of about 145 (skinny bastard). I bought a Bowflex and Powerblocks and started working out again and started to think about dating again. I moved to Las Vegas 3.5 years after she died and was lucky enough to fall in love with a beautiful woman who is now Mommy to “our” daughter.

It will never be the same, but still damn good, as it was and at times wish it was me who died instead because I would like Bridget to be with the most wonderful caring, giving woman God has ever put on this earth.

I know I have been truly blessed in my life.

sully: That is the exact answer that I was looking for. I’m terribly sorry about your loss, and for bringing it up. Just so you know, in a weird sort of a way, you’ve just made my day better. Thank-you!

I don’t think I can post on this topic anymore. Sully I wish I could tell you to your face that that was undoubtedly one of the most beautful, strong, and touching things I’ve read in quite a while. I’ve read many of your posts and seen some of your pics and got the impression that you’re a good man. You definitely are. Thanks for sharing that.

Tyler Durden
AKA Wideguy

Wideguy,

Thanks for the nice reply. The beauty of this forum is that we can all help each other in many ways other than getting bigger and stronger.

Be big and strong with the love you show your family and friends.

:slight_smile:

Dang, Sully. As soon as I read that post there musta been some sorta vapour in the air or maybe the wife was cutting onions in the other room or, oh, I don’t know…

Deep man. Props to you.

Billy

I went through it. I don’t focus on the good times, because I found that made the loss unbearable. I focus on the fact that they’re in a better place and I wouldn’t want them to leave there and come back, even if I could make it so.

Bulldog, same for me. He was seriously ill, and it was time for him to go, to a place where he wasn’t in pain anymore. I was happy , in a way, to say goodbye.
Sully, thanks for your post, it was beautiful. I still miss my guy everyday, but I’ve been blessed to find someone I can love again. Blessed, I believe, by the one who left.

Zan,

I too believe that my current love was guided to me by the one who has passed. I still find great comfort in remembering the love we shared and that she is in a better place and we will meet again someday.

My sincere condolences to you and congratulations and finding the strength to go on and the courage in opening your heart to another.