T Nation

Old People Sayings


#1

So, I recently became very fucking old (22) and I'm in need of some old people things to say. My intent is to confuse all the younggins with my phrases.

So far I I don't have any as I'm new to being old. Ii still have that new old person smell.

Also, feel free to throw in other ideas like

Dancing
Food
Clothing
Things to complain about

Benefits of pants height....navel vs armpit or even suspenders

Anything really

Hurry before I fall asleep

+crazy old man laugh+

"Ahhhhhh. Haaaaaaaa ahhhhhh cough haaaaaaa. Ahhhhhhh"


#2


#3

You're talkin like a man with a paper asshole, dj


#4

OK, here is an old person thing to say:

"Back in my day, squat racks were used to SQUAT! Not for whatever the hell you call that, son!"


#5

Bingo! You can pretty much preface ANY sentence with "Back in my day..." and you'll sound old.

Also "Kids these days...I dunno..."


#6


#7



#8

Look, call It what you want. Alligators ain't climbin no trees.


#9


#10

That's actually me in that picture.


#11

+passes out momentarily+


#12

Dude, that's a good one.

Also, you can blame anything you don't agree with on "that damned rap music"


#13

Just mention blood and anuses and pus-filled contusions more often.

Wait, this is CountRockula??? Then MUCH MUCH more often.


#14

It's mind over matter...I don't mind because you don't matter.


#15

You can do all kinds of fun stuff now that you're old.

  1. To a brunette with short hair, you can say "You ain't no Pat Benetar!"

  2. You can also say things like "I pitty the fool!"

  3. And quote movies like Ace Venturas' "Looohooooozzzeeerrrrr!" and "Laces out Marino!"

  4. You should also whistle songs like "Breakfast at Tiffany's" and "Everything's goona be all-right, rockabye"

  5. Grow out a flat top like kid from Kid'n'Play, but keep it office appropriate you're not a hoodlum.

  6. When you're at a party like a wedding or graduation, mill around and drink. DO NOT FOR ANY REASON DANCE! Unless of course the old person anthems are played like AC/DC's "shook me all night long" or Young MC's "bust a move" or Tone Loc's "funky cold medina" and Bob Segers "old time rock n roll." You're obligated as an old person to dance at that point.

  7. Be nice, until it's not time to be nice, and know exactly where that saying came from.

  8. Smoke weed in your house, let the kids do it on loading docks and behind dumpsters, you're better than that.

  9. Represent your family unit with either flip flops or stick figures on the back of your SUV

and

  1. Always stay a few years behind fashion trends. Get rid of your current stuff and buy some Ed Hardy and Von-Dutch shirts right away! They're finally sensible in price.

#16

Oh yea, and winnebagos are the bomb!


#17

Crop dust the youngins as you hobble by with your arthritic hip and ice block shoes.

Blame it on the fiber.


#18

Regardless of the situation, tell them "Get off my lawn!"

Seriously, though, one of my friends mom said "he thought he was fartin' through silk" the other day, and I lost my shit. For some reason, I just thought it was hilarious.


#19


#20

Told some kid he was "killing me, Smalls" and he didn't understand the reference.

Turns out THE FUCKING SANDLOT was before his time.

feeloldman.jpg

(not relevant to thread but goddamn)