So, I recently became very fucking old (22) and I’m in need of some old people things to say. My intent is to confuse all the younggins with my phrases.
So far I I don’t have any as I’m new to being old. Ii still have that new old person smell.
Also, feel free to throw in other ideas like
Dancing
Food
Clothing
Things to complain about
Benefits of pants height…navel vs armpit or even suspenders
You can do all kinds of fun stuff now that you’re old.
To a brunette with short hair, you can say “You ain’t no Pat Benetar!”
You can also say things like “I pitty the fool!”
And quote movies like Ace Venturas’ “Looohooooozzzeeerrrrr!” and “Laces out Marino!”
You should also whistle songs like “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” and “Everything’s goona be all-right, rockabye”
Grow out a flat top like kid from Kid’n’Play, but keep it office appropriate you’re not a hoodlum.
When you’re at a party like a wedding or graduation, mill around and drink. DO NOT FOR ANY REASON DANCE! Unless of course the old person anthems are played like AC/DC’s “shook me all night long” or Young MC’s “bust a move” or Tone Loc’s “funky cold medina” and Bob Segers “old time rock n roll.” You’re obligated as an old person to dance at that point.
Be nice, until it’s not time to be nice, and know exactly where that saying came from.
Smoke weed in your house, let the kids do it on loading docks and behind dumpsters, you’re better than that.
Represent your family unit with either flip flops or stick figures on the back of your SUV
and
Always stay a few years behind fashion trends. Get rid of your current stuff and buy some Ed Hardy and Von-Dutch shirts right away! They’re finally sensible in price.
Regardless of the situation, tell them “Get off my lawn!”
Seriously, though, one of my friends mom said “he thought he was fartin’ through silk” the other day, and I lost my shit. For some reason, I just thought it was hilarious.