I don't wanna go all Reverend Reggie White on ya. But when you say this..........
It begs the question, how often do you do this?
I am pretty sure, the inability to call it quits once you pick up a glass, is
one of the classic symptoms of alcoholism, and you go so far as to state that you have a serious history of substance abuse.
I was a full-on classic drunk myself for 15 yrs, so I should have some idea what I am talking about.