So, I started recognizing some symptoms in myself a couple months ago, in the gym of all places. Dumbells weren’t racked in corresponding pairs so I took a few minutes and fixed all of them. Kind of laughed it off and thought “damn that was kind of anal…” but thought nothing more about it.
Then over the last month or so, I’ve started really becoming concerned with some of my behavior and find myself wondering “What the fuck is wrong with me?”
Every night I check the locks in my house a half a dozen times to ensure they’re locked. Clutter is increasingly driving me crazy, where as before I could tolerate a rouge pair of my GF’s panties in the bathroom, or a lone shoe sitting by the front door. I got a new gas grill over the weekend (Lowe’s is having a kick ass sale right now, check it out) and all the plastic and cardboard on my patio from putting it together drove me to a point where I had to go into the house and make myself calm down.
Last night, and event occured that really has me thinking and concerned. We picked up some friends for dinner and went to La Jolla (kinda posh San Diego Neighborhood) to a fairly nice yet laid back place. Since there was no parking up front I dropped my GF and our friends off at the front door and drove around the block to find a place to park. Once I found a place, I parked, got out, locked the door and started walking toward the restaurant. I looked back and my Tahoe looked a little crooked, so I went back, got in, and straightened it out. Got out of the truck, started walking again, looked back, and it still didn’t look right so I went back and straightened it out some more.
I did this two more times.
All the while getting more anxious because I knew I had people waiting for me, but I couldn’t help it. It had to be “right.”
So, naturally, I hardly enjoyed dinner becuase the whole time I’m wondering “what the hell is going on with me?” I consciously know something is up, but I can’t tell myself to just “stop” until I’m satisfied.
One side of my brain is telling me that these are classic OCD symptoms and I need to get seen for it, and the other side is telling me that it’s just a phase and I need to chill out. I never used to be this way, I was always one of those guys who thought “ahhh fuck it, no worries” but now I have to check and double check stuff before I feel content.
Am I developing OCD? Am I full on into it? I’m freaking 32 years old, is this something that develops as we get older?
What the hell?
Thanks for any input,