T Nation

O, Christmas Tree....

We own a fake tree, but my wife has a hankerin’ for a real tree this year. God knows why, they’re as much of a pain in the ass as the fake one, but whatever. So I was out pricing trees and people should seriously go to hell for such a ripoff. $70 for a 7-foot tree that’s going to live three weeks max? I don’t think so - homie don’t play that.

I’m still searching, but it’s nearly too late, and all the nice ones are ridiculously priced - except for the ones that are just outside of Searcy, about 25 feet off of Highway 67, which as far as I can tell, have no pricetags on them at all. So, what I’m wondering is this: if I happened to be driving along the highway at 2 a.m. or so, and needed to stop to see if I had a flat, and I happened to have a chainsaw with me, and accidentally cut down the perfect Christmas tree and stuffed it into my truck and drove away, do you suppose I would be violating any state laws and/or making baby Jesus cry?

Just wondering, thanks.

But if you do that, then you’re robbing one of the pricetag-ladden trees of their destiny. They’re meant to be in someone’s home for Christmas, and if they don’t make it, then it’s a one-way ticket to the wood chipper. Yeah, they’re all going there anyway, but give one of the poor trees …

…ah fuck it. Cut down a real tree and don’t worry about it.

[quote]Cunnivore wrote:
We own a fake tree, but my wife has a hankerin’ for a real tree this year. God knows why, they’re as much of a pain in the ass as the fake one, but whatever. So I was out pricing trees and people should seriously go to hell for such a ripoff. $70 for a 7-foot tree that’s going to live three weeks max? I don’t think so - homie don’t play that.

I’m still searching, but it’s nearly too late, and all the nice ones are ridiculously priced - except for the ones that are just outside of Searcy, about 25 feet off of Highway 67, which as far as I can tell, have no pricetags on them at all. So, what I’m wondering is this: if I happened to be driving along the highway at 2 a.m. or so, and needed to stop to see if I had a flat, and I happened to have a chainsaw with me, and accidentally cut down the perfect Christmas tree and stuffed it into my truck and drove away, do you suppose I would be violating any state laws and/or making baby Jesus cry?

Just wondering, thanks.[/quote]

Chances are its illegal.

Stop being such a cheap bastard. Your wife asked for something that will make her holidays happier and you’re refusing? What a husband. You’re probably going to give her cash for Xmas also huh?

[quote]PGA wrote:

Chances are its illegal.
[/quote]
You are probably right. But then again, if I might misquote the great Mr. Rather out of context, I really think that I can be an honest man and still steal any number of things.

[quote]
Stop being such a cheap bastard. Your wife asked for something that will make her holidays happier and you’re refusing? What a husband. Did you her her a gift certificate for Xmas also?[/quote]

Your heart is definitely in the right place, which I can appreciate, but you might replace the epithet “cheap” above with “poor” and be more accurate. The way I see it, a tree is a tree is a tree, and the price tag should not increase it’s value one iota.
To answer your other (blatantly accusatory) question, I’m getting her a rather beautiful Aquamarine ring from a reputable jewelry dealer, and thanks for your concern.

if you buy that aquamarine ring from a slightly less reputable dealer (read out of a trunk of off the back of a truck) you might be able to afford the $70 tree.

Just spray some pine sol on the fake one…

Did Osama drive up our tree prices? They were always about $15 around here. I’ll have to see what pops paid for it this year.

paid $30 for a real Douglas Fir at Lowe’s in NJ.

But I bought mine two weeks ago. Check out your local Home Depot or Lowe’s for real trees.

Merry Christmas!

Sell your chainsaw. Buy the tree and you should have enough money left over to buy a cheap handsaw.

Where I live(backwoods Wisconsin), a beauty of a tree will cost you maybe $20. You are getting ripped off.

[quote]m0dd3r wrote:
if you buy that aquamarine ring from a slightly less reputable dealer (read out of a trunk of off the back of a truck) you might be able to afford the $70 tree.[/quote]

Yeah, but then he’s still breaking a state law and making baby Jesus cry.

Take the tree and come back to bury the cones next spring.

[quote]Cunnivore wrote:

if I happened to be driving along the highway at 2 a.m. or so, and needed to stop to see if I had a flat, and I happened to have a chainsaw with me, and accidentally cut down the perfect Christmas tree and stuffed it into my truck and drove away, do you suppose I would be violating any state laws and/or making baby Jesus cry?

Just wondering, thanks.[/quote]

Sounds like a Simpson’s episode!
I reckon any reason to use a chainsaw is a good reason…Just watch out for Mayor Quimby and the cheap hooker off in the bushes!

I got a 7 footer at a mom and pop tree farm for $40. I got a cypress so there are no falling needles.

The tree places that set up shop for 4 weeks are a rip off.

Nothing beats a real tree.

[quote]johnny_law wrote:

I got a 7 footer at a mom and pop tree farm for $40. I got a cypress so there are no falling needles.

The tree places that set up shop for 4 weeks are a rip off.

Nothing beats a real tree.[/quote]

You know, it’s funny, when I was a kid living up in Cleveland, nobody I knew had a real Christmas tree. My parents dragged me down here to Florida when I was 11, and I hear all of this, “it’s just not Christmas without a real tree” nonsense.

Ironic that more people seem to want them in a place they do not grow.

My parents prefer real trees.

this thread pisses me off. here in marietta ga it is hard to find a nice real tree for less than 100$. i think my parents tree cost 125$ for a 6 foot and talked the price down to 100$.

im glad all i need to celebrate my winter holiday is an aluminum pole.

My roommate and I decided hanukkah was less expensive.

We took the money we saved buying a manura instead of a tree and spent it on food.

[quote]BrwnbellyYankee wrote:

im glad all i need to celebrate my winter holiday is an aluminum pole.[/quote]

Ah! “Festivus for the restofus”