Tucker Max makes no secret of being an asshole. In fact it?s the first thing he tells you about himself at the top of his madly popular blog, TuckerMax.com. And there?s plenty of evidence to support his contention. He?s been sued for invasion of privacy by one of his ex-girlfriends, a former Miss Vermont, and for libel by a Philadelphia event planner whose New Year?s Eve party he skewered online. He?s been scolded by a judge as ?a poster child for vulgarity? and picketed during an appearance at Ohio State University by feminists accusing him of ?promoting a culture of rape.?
He?s also a University of Chicago graduate with a degree in law from Duke and the author of a book detailing his misadventures, I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell, that made the New York Times bestseller list for nearly four years (the paper?s reviewer characterized him as ?highly entertaining and throughly reprehensible?). A movie version hit screens in 2009 and is now available on DVD. His follow up title, Assholes Finish First, is due out in the fall. In the meantime, he continues to regale readers online with accounts of his boisterous misbehavior.
What can such a reprobate have to offer in the way of relationship advice? Plenty, including the following ten dating tips that, while not guaranteeing you?ll end up as successful an asshole as the author, at least allow you to benefit from the wisdom acquired while becoming the one he is today.
1: Know who you are and what you want. Everything flows from self-awareness. The first thing you have to figure out when doing anything at all, dating included, is your goals and objectives. Seems obvious, right? Except most guys that come to me for dating advice get this part wrong.
Are you just looking to get laid? Do you want a girlfriend? A casual fuck buddy? The answers to these questions should determine your course of action. If you?re just looking for someone to have sex with and that?s all, then your approach should be fundamentally different than if you?re looking for a wife.
Understand your motives and objectives. Every decision is shaped by them. And of course, from this point follows the next:
2: Go for girls who want the same thing you do. This is another obvious imperative that many guys get wrong. If you?re 18 years old, exploring your identity and want to experience as many different women as you can, that?s perfectly reasonable. But then don?t be that idiot who keeps trying to have one night stands with girls in search of a boyfriend.
Here?s the great thing about America:No matter what it is you want, there are plenty of people who want the same thing. If you just want to get drunk and have wild, emotionless sexual encounters, there are plenty of girls who are into that. If you want casual fuck buddies, or a series of monogamous relationships, you can find these things easily. Hell, if you want to dress up like a clown and shit on someone?s chest, there are more than a few people into that too.
The point is simple but very important: Figure out what you want, then go for it. If you adhere to those two basic requirements, everything else is pretty much just execution.
3: Don?t lie.I was 24 when I learned the most important lesson there is. Dont lie to women. Of course, there are myriad ethical and moral issues with lying, and those are certainly valid, but my advice is more pragmatic. Nothing good comes from lying. You aren?t going to get more pussy, and you create a ton more problems for yourself. In fact, the day I started being honest, I realized I could put in half the work and get twice the pussy. It was amazing.
There are a lot of guys who think dating and relationships necessitate some form of deception, especially if your goals are mainly physical interactions (e.g., sex).Well, my entire existence is proof of how flawed that view is. Women want to fuck just as much as men do, they just don?t want to be lied to. And they want to feel safe about what?s happening.
If you?re completely honest about who you are and what you want?whatever that is?you create an atmosphere in which women will trust you. I cannot tell you how many women have said this sentence to me: ?You may be an asshole, but you?re honest about it. I know what I?m getting.?
It?s easier to be honest. Lying doesn?t work.
4: Make an attempt. It always makes me laugh when I go out to a bar and see guys just standing around, talking to each other, staring at girls. If you?re just going to drink beer and talk to your buddies, you might as well stay home?the beer is cheaper there.
Sounds like a clichÃ?Â©, but you can?t win the game unless you actually get on the field and play. Neither sex nor relationships are going to seek you out; you have to make them happen. But like so much of life, the failure is in the execution.
Many guys follow this info up with some bullshit question like, ?Yeah, but what exactly do I say to a girl?? Ugh! That?s like asking me directions to your local grocery store. How the fuck am I supposed to know all the specifics of your situation? There is no magic opening or amazing line that works in all circumstances. There are no shortcuts to success in any field. The key is just being able to socialize like a normal person. If you need instructions on that, the best way to learn is practice. If you want to become good at socializing, go socialize.
5: Stop being afraid, especially of rejection.You wouldn?t believe how many dudes send me these long e-mails that essentially boil down to them wanting something but not wanting to actually go for it because they?re afraid of rejection. Sorry, asshole, doesn?t work that way. Life is risk.
I?ve had girls reject me, and I?ve rejected girls. This is a fact: EVERYONE will face some sort of rejection in their lives. It?s not a big deal. If you are too afraid of rejection to make a move, then you aren?t going to get anything done.
And of course, this begs the question: How do you stop being afraid?
6: Don?t judge yourself based on casual interactions. Rejection only bothers you if you have a lot invested in the outcome. But why would you have a lot invested in casual socializing? Going out and meeting new people should not require a major exposure of your inner soul. Being in a relationship with someone, yes, but just socializing?who cares? If you meet people who don?t like you or you don?t like, it shouldn?t be a big deal either way.
The problem is that many people judge themselves based on what others think of them. They live and die by every interaction. If this is your mindset, you will not dare to risk rejection. But if you stop investing in such minor things you free yourself up to do more.
7: Stop focusing on results; enjoy the process. Dating, like life, is the journey, not the destination. That journey is about finding out who you are and having some fun in the process. If you think it?s about how many women you fuck or anything like that, you are wrong and sad.
The process itself is what you should be enjoying. Avoid focusing on some sort of desired outcome. Some of the best nights I?ve ever had were when I didn?t get laid. Just had fun with my friends, and that?s the whole point. So much of my game comes from the fact that I don?t give a fuck if the girl likes me or not. In most ways, it?s inconsequential to me. I am just out to have fun, crack jokes, entertain myself and my friends. Everything else flows from that. If you don?t care about the result, you can be relaxed and fun and the type of person other people like to be around.
8: Make yourself the type of person someone would want to date. This is something that A LOT of people get wrong. How many times have you seen a girl?s list of things she wants in a boyfriend that runs more than three pages long and basically describes the most perfect person on earth, yet she is overweight, selfish, petulant and boring?
You ever notice how most couples are about the same level of looks (and usually intelligence too)? This is not a coincidence. Humans are very good at figuring out their market value and then finding someone similar with whom to pair up. The good part about being a guy is that looks are way down the list of things that matter to women. Most of the things that do matter?personality, humor, success, temperament?can be improved with work. So get to it.
9: Try everything and everyone at least once. Every relationship you have is going to end, until you have one that doesn?t. Understand that the entire point of dating is to have fun in the moment with someone you enjoy. How can you know what type of person you are, or what type of person works best with you, until you have experienced a lot of different people.
10: Understand that your age defines many things about who you are and what you can accomplish. I cannot emphasize this enough. Much of what you do and what you CAN do is determined by how old you are and how much experience you have. If you?re in high school, you aren?t going to be fucking five different girls a week, and if youre 32, you won?t be getting smashed five times a week at college parties.
The point: If you are in high school, don?t expect to do the things I do. And if you are 35, don?t act like you?re in high school.