K did a great shoulder / glute workout
Only have a light glute workout left on Thursday and Wed Fri is rest !
Yesterday was a bad mental health day for me.
Our department is swamped and understaffed. Lately they have been asking the specialists (me) to work on adjustments on the weekends for bank time.
I always say no.
I feel tremendous guilt, but what I do on the weekend is what sustains my mental health during the week.
I over exercise to make up for the lack of time I have to workout much during the week. It appeases my ocd. 2 hour workouts, 2 hour hikes, an hour of yoga Saturday and Sunday. During the week I do 25 minute workouts during my lunch. Its been a good balance for me. I love indulging in exercise on my weekends and focusing solely on work during the week.
I say no because I care about ensuring I am positive, happy and focused during the week.
Well yesterday they sent an email to everyone saying they needed a certain number of people or the following weekend it would be mandatory.
This is very upsetting to me. I already work late every day and cannot shut off my brain. All of my time is for work, thinking about work, worrying about work.
On weekends I sleep, breath, exercise , and feel at peace.
The threat of that being taken away is very unsettling to me.
Some people want over time, great, let them have it. I want time to spend hiking with my mom.
I woke up at 245am and couldn’t sleep thinking about this. My OCD feels threatened. I worry ill be trapped in that room instead of outdoors and it will make me feel mentally extremely uncomfortable.
I am well aware people are under employed , unemployed, laid off. And this may sound like an entitled brat bitching about something others desperately need. I empathize with that. But in my current situation, I feel deeply concerned about depression and anxiety if I cannot do the things I do to avoid depression and anxiety.