T Nation

Now I Have a Machine Gun, Ho-Ho-Ho

Wow!! Such a wonderful back day today

Love my new lat pull down bar :sparkling_heart:
Really focused on holding and squeezing every rep. My mind muscle connection was addicting today.

Been thinking a lot about my snoop dogg today. I really miss him… January 20th is one year since he passed.
I had a bad dream about him and I woke up very sad. But then I remembered this shutterfly website where I made some of gabes xmas gifts and I ordered way too much stuff, lol. I made my snoop into a blanket and a calendar …

I also made this funny hanging wall art of a screen shot in Stardew Valley where I proposed to Shane LOL. I’ll hang it in my bathroom .

I think ill order something with a bunch of pics of us together. Some best friends kinda decoration.

BYE

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K did a great shoulder / glute workout

Only have a light glute workout left on Thursday and Wed Fri is rest !

Yesterday was a bad mental health day for me.
Our department is swamped and understaffed. Lately they have been asking the specialists (me) to work on adjustments on the weekends for bank time.
I always say no.
I feel tremendous guilt, but what I do on the weekend is what sustains my mental health during the week.
I over exercise to make up for the lack of time I have to workout much during the week. It appeases my ocd. 2 hour workouts, 2 hour hikes, an hour of yoga Saturday and Sunday. During the week I do 25 minute workouts during my lunch. Its been a good balance for me. I love indulging in exercise on my weekends and focusing solely on work during the week.

I say no because I care about ensuring I am positive, happy and focused during the week.

Well yesterday they sent an email to everyone saying they needed a certain number of people or the following weekend it would be mandatory.
This is very upsetting to me. I already work late every day and cannot shut off my brain. All of my time is for work, thinking about work, worrying about work.
On weekends I sleep, breath, exercise , and feel at peace.
The threat of that being taken away is very unsettling to me.
Some people want over time, great, let them have it. I want time to spend hiking with my mom.
I woke up at 245am and couldn’t sleep thinking about this. My OCD feels threatened. I worry ill be trapped in that room instead of outdoors and it will make me feel mentally extremely uncomfortable.

I am well aware people are under employed , unemployed, laid off. And this may sound like an entitled brat bitching about something others desperately need. I empathize with that. But in my current situation, I feel deeply concerned about depression and anxiety if I cannot do the things I do to avoid depression and anxiety.

Anyway
BYE

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I’m getting burnt out on work too. Did 800 hours of overtime last year, and over 1,000 the 2 years prior. Work used to be my getaway when I hated my home life, now they won’t leave me alone and I don’t want to work :joy:. My job isn’t as mentally demanding as yours (it sounds like), I know mental stress is usually always worse then physical stress.

Maybe just don’t sign up and see if they get the people they want :man_shrugging:

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Amazing V-taper and overall hourglass shape!

My dog is 8 tonight, still sleeping with him almost every night, I dread the day he’ll die. Sorry for your loss.

It’s like people will always judge you no matter what, and it’s not because some people have it harder that your problems aren’t real problems! We underestimate the kind of impact this can have on us. My job at Maccy is only 20 hours a week yet I dread going to it half the time, is super stressful and driving me on the verge of having an anger breakdown often, tired of having bosses talking of employees like freaking dogs or fucking them over because they are 18 and don’t know any better.

Anyway, I feel you, can’t wait to resign!

Well, it’s a better gateaway than drugs or alcohol, it brings money to the table ahahah

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K, woo! Fantastic leg workout today.

Hip thrusts
275lbs x 9
305lbs x 1
340lbs x 1
230lbs x 12
105lbs x 25 partials

Box front squats
60lbs x 6
80lbs x 6
90lbs x 6
100lbs x 2 x 2

Trap bar dl
100lbs x 10
110lbs x 8
130lbs x 5

Sit squats ss t bell squat ss reverse hyper
80lbs / 75lbs / 30lbs
X 8 x 8 x 12
100lbs 75lbs 30lbs
X 8 x 8 x 10
100lbs 50lbs 30lbs
X 10 x 12 x 12

Wedge db sq ss sissy squats
15/15

Bulgarian split squats
3 x 8

Kettlebell leg ext
Ankle weights
Ass machine
Weight vest stair sprints / kettlebell swings

Just lovely.
I told myself ima give it my all for 2 hours straight and all is what I gave it.

Back day tomorrow
I’m feeling strong and lean at the same time #feelsgoodbro
I’ve eliminated supper time carbs during the work week when I move less and then on weekends when I move non stop I have nice big piles of rice and chicken.
It’s great.
Scooping up the rice while I play my stardew valley.
Um
Anyway
K BY3

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Alrighty , back day greatness

I felt pretty tired, but still as focused and passionate as ever. Bent over row is feeling really good lately. Finally tapped into real mind muscle connection during that movement now. I’m sure if I add weight it will be a standing up row , but whatever lol .

Current physique status. Feeling great.

It’s nice to know that I’m just as determined when I see zero people and live in sweat pants as when I have to go into the office and have meetings with some guy I was banging.

That’s proof this ain’t for them, it’s for me, and it’s far more rewarding now than it’s ever been.
I often have really bad anxiety on Saturday nights because Saturdays are always the most amazingly , wonderful days and it makes me feel like something has to go wrong soon, does anyone else get like that?

Things are quite good for me so I dont want time to pass because time passing brings change and I assume it will be bad.
I also don’t want my mom to age or my son to grow up because they’re my whole world . I get worried that this casedemic, on going collapse of the world will last years and I cannot build relationships in its current state. By the time we’re “allowed” out, it will be a matter of urgency.
Those are my typical Saturday night thoughts after the most fulfilling days. I’m sure its just fatigue because I sleep for 10 hours and feel happy again on Sundays… but it seems pretty consistent. The better the day is , the more I assume the future is grim.

Anyway, too much babbling
Here’s the picture of my game I got made

BYE

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K had the morning off so I had a nice long shoulder/ glute workout

In life news I’m seeing someone :slight_smile:

No jinx.

Isa miracle!!

BYE

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K awesome leg shit today

Hip thrusts
280lbs x 9
300lbs x 1
310lbs x 4
245lbs x 8 w/ hip circle
155lbs x 15 partials

Safety squat bar box squats
90lbs x 6
100lbs x 6
110lbs x 6

Trap bar dl
100lbs x 2 x 8
110lbs x 8
120lbs x 8

T bell squats ss sit squats ss reverse hyper
75lbs / 80lbs / 30lbs
X8 x 8 x 10
X 8 x 10 x 12
X 10 x 12 x 12

Bulgarian split squats
3 x 8

Wedge squats ss sissy squats
15/ 15

Kettle bell leg ext
Ass machine
Db rdl

Stair sprints / kettlebell swings

Felt good, felt strong. Love my leg day .

Cloud 9 bros, I’m on it.

BYE

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K back day

Did everything like I always do… had a lot of fun though. Listened to music today. Sometimes I dont because it makes my anxiety go up and I cant focus on my workout. Today I just wanted to have fun !
Felt like an easy workout , but thats cause my tunes were making me wanna dance :slight_smile:

Vacation day tomorrow gonna do shoulders and glutes , yay.

BYE

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Glutes and shoulders today

Great workout, lots of energy .

In life news I’m a bit of a wreck .

The person I’m seeing is the same person who I’ve been in love with since around 2013… Marshall we called him.

He went to jail .

I never stopped waiting deep down to be honest. He called me sometimes from prison so I knew roughly when he’d be out.
Always wondering, waiting, thinking about him . Did I ever move on or did it just become easier to deal with ? I’m not sure.

Anyway, he got out of jail and has been sober for quite a while now. Apologized for everything. Started being really nice to me, patient , considerate. Always completing me, treating me like how I’ve always dreamed some day he would.

Inside I’m like having horrible memories of things he did in the past.
He’ll text and be like good morning gorgeous, what you up to?
I’ll say oh just having breakfast:)
In my head im like wAHhh something awful from 2016.

Whatever, it’s understandable i suppose.
I dont want to be like this though. I just want to be happy and hopeful and i love this human so much.
I’m anxious and its uncomfortable.
In time we’ll see surely. Trust takes time.
K
BYE