T Nation

Noticing a Trend with My GF - Advice Requested


Ive been dating my GF for about a year and a half. We love each other, get along great, and generally have an awesome relationship. In July she went on a 10-day archaeological dig in central america. On the last night she was there she went out to a club and danced with her friends (guys and girls). Totally cool, obviously, except she called me at 5 am their time acting sort of strange. I chalked it up to her drinking too much and forgot about it. Well she was still acting strange when she got back so I asked her about that night and she got defensive. She told me she danced with some guy friends. I asked if anything else happened and she gave me an emphatic “no”. Okay, cool, not a big deal in my book–we move on with our lives. Keep in mind, this was July. Well today we were talking about the earlier days of our relationship and she asked me if there was a point where Id ever seriously considered breaking up with her. I told her the truth:
Last March she’d gone down to Florida to visit her best friend and gone to a frat party with her. When she got back from the trip she was scrolling through my phone, so I picked hers up and she got defensive. That got me suspicious, so I scrolled down a little and found a text to a guy from 3 am that night she was in Florida–the guy was saved in her phone as “So and so Tinder.” Obviously this pissed me off, Id asked what the hell it was about, and shed told me he was a friend from her old school who shed met on Tinder before we started dating but ended up as friends with. She’d texted him (at 3am) because she wanted to meet up for coffee the next day. Suspicious, to say the least, but after taking some time to evaluate things Id accepted this explanation.
Anyway, When she asked me if Id ever considered breaking up with her I mentioned this incident, because I honestly had at the time. This conversation basically led to her telling me that a guy shed been dig partners with for her archaeological trip had kissed her that night she went dancing last July. She said shed pushed him away and gone back to her dorm, and I thanked her for telling me and we basically moved on. However, the more Ive thought about it, the whole thing started bugging me. If that guy really had kissed her out of the blue, why hadnt she told me as soon as she got home? Even if she hadnt done anything to prompt it, she outright lied to me when I’d asked her about that night. If it werent for that incident from her visit to Florida, I’d probably have let it go, but it seems like there’s precedent for her being a bit of a lush. I cant date someone I cant trust, and I also have the feeling that if she lied about this the first time, who’s to say she didnt water down the truth this time? This sort of feels like the culmination of a trend in our relationship. So–for those of you who made it through thar wall of text–please let me know what you think. Am I being paranoid, or am I just now waking up to the fact that some shady stuff went down behind my back?

Clif Notes:

  1. Last march my girlfriend went to a frat party with her friend and texted a guy shed met on tinder (before we started dating) at 3 am
  2. Last July she went to Central America and told me she went dancing with friends
  3. Today she told me one of those guy friends from Central America kissed her that night
  4. Am I paranoid to think she had more part in what went down in Central America than shes admitting? Im posting this online because I think I’ll get a more objective anonymous opinion than the ones I get from friends, and I have the feeling this community provides a greater cross-section, experientially and generationally. I love my girlfriend and it kills me to even entertain the thought that she might have done something behind my back, but also to think that Im starting to lose my trust for her


Your girlfriend is making out with guys in clubs and messaging dudes she met on tinder.

What more do you need to know?

EDIT: I’m glad I was first in. Totally nailed it.


Cliff Notes on cure.

  1. Dump her.
  2. Dead lifts.
  3. Do her BFF, preferably in the butt.
  4. POIDH.


Or you could take the long and painful route…

  1. Start thread on TN asking if you should trust her.
  2. Listen to suggestions on placing tracking device on her car.
  3. Draw out process for 6 months possibly a year.
  4. Finally decide you should have done the SAMA prescribed cure listed above.


Wow! That was a little harsh even for you…:flushed:


How rich is her dad?


Wait, what?

In the olden days, one of these threads would be posted in SAMA at least once a week.

We would wait patiently for the next episode of the story line…

“I put a GPS tracking device on her car. She was parked all night at some house I didn’t recognize as one of her GFs. Blah, blah, blah.”

He’s already listed that she has lied to him about what happened on the trip to Central America,

Either you’re in a committed relationship or you’re not.

And if you’re not, don’t lead the other person on that you are.




Based on your story when you are not around shes a party girl, gets drunk, plays with other dudes, then gets defensive when confronted about said finger banging. Plus, it seems to be a behavioral pattern.

good luck with all that.


She totally sounds like marriage material. Propose to her ASAP. All this stuff will go away once you marry her.


Well I understand why you posted this on a strength/bodybuilding training website. You should have more time for these things now if you took advise from the first few post and dumped her.


Also the cliff notes are probably more like 10 list item numbers, you just don’t know about the others yet.


Easily my favorite TN thread of all time. I didn’t even participate; merely reading the carnage was more than enough.


Jesus Christ, and I thought I was being paranoid. This is why I threw this up here–hard to judge things when Ive been dating this gir for a year and a half and am actually in love with her. If I stepped back and read theough this like a stranger had posted it I’d be saying the same fucking thing. My mistake for letting my feelings get in the way of my judgement


I wonder if she gets a thrill off feeling desirable and chased when she is away from you. If you both are cool with the behavior of drinking and dancing on anyone when your not together, that’s up to the two of you. I don’t think it’s appropriate to behave like your single or put yourself into situations that could give others the wrong idea. You all have expectations of your relationship so it’s really your call on what’s acceptable and forgivable. Good luck!


Nah man, not a mistake. It’s not a bad thing that you care for the girl. It’s promising you’re approaching this somewhat objectively. Don’t shut off your ability for emotion, just learn from this and move on.


This is what you do:

  1. get reservations to a really nice and expensive place
  2. eat the dinner
  3. excuse yourself to go to the bathroom
  4. leave, send her a text saying screw you
  5. she pays for the dinner because youre long gone

Seriously man, get some backbone and leave her. She is clearly trying to pull a fast one on you.


That shit (that maybe happened) was in the past, some of it in another country. Who cares? Getting all worked up over it now is kinda silly.

Also, looking in your girls phone is kind of like sniffing dog shit. You already know you’re not gonna like what you find.


If you want an open relationship where you both can travel and fool around, and she’s okay with you doing it too, then it’s perfect. If not, it’s time to move on.


Well like my old man like’s to say “where there is smoke there is usually a fire”… Florida incident could probably be ignored but I would bet you don’t want to find out what really happened in south america… Just remember it is best to dump her now before you find yourself losing half your shit (but likely more) because she cheated again after you married her…