Ive been dating my GF for about a year and a half. We love each other, get along great, and generally have an awesome relationship. In July she went on a 10-day archaeological dig in central america. On the last night she was there she went out to a club and danced with her friends (guys and girls). Totally cool, obviously, except she called me at 5 am their time acting sort of strange. I chalked it up to her drinking too much and forgot about it. Well she was still acting strange when she got back so I asked her about that night and she got defensive. She told me she danced with some guy friends. I asked if anything else happened and she gave me an emphatic “no”. Okay, cool, not a big deal in my book–we move on with our lives. Keep in mind, this was July. Well today we were talking about the earlier days of our relationship and she asked me if there was a point where Id ever seriously considered breaking up with her. I told her the truth:
Last March she’d gone down to Florida to visit her best friend and gone to a frat party with her. When she got back from the trip she was scrolling through my phone, so I picked hers up and she got defensive. That got me suspicious, so I scrolled down a little and found a text to a guy from 3 am that night she was in Florida–the guy was saved in her phone as “So and so Tinder.” Obviously this pissed me off, Id asked what the hell it was about, and shed told me he was a friend from her old school who shed met on Tinder before we started dating but ended up as friends with. She’d texted him (at 3am) because she wanted to meet up for coffee the next day. Suspicious, to say the least, but after taking some time to evaluate things Id accepted this explanation.
Anyway, When she asked me if Id ever considered breaking up with her I mentioned this incident, because I honestly had at the time. This conversation basically led to her telling me that a guy shed been dig partners with for her archaeological trip had kissed her that night she went dancing last July. She said shed pushed him away and gone back to her dorm, and I thanked her for telling me and we basically moved on. However, the more Ive thought about it, the whole thing started bugging me. If that guy really had kissed her out of the blue, why hadnt she told me as soon as she got home? Even if she hadnt done anything to prompt it, she outright lied to me when I’d asked her about that night. If it werent for that incident from her visit to Florida, I’d probably have let it go, but it seems like there’s precedent for her being a bit of a lush. I cant date someone I cant trust, and I also have the feeling that if she lied about this the first time, who’s to say she didnt water down the truth this time? This sort of feels like the culmination of a trend in our relationship. So–for those of you who made it through thar wall of text–please let me know what you think. Am I being paranoid, or am I just now waking up to the fact that some shady stuff went down behind my back?
- Last march my girlfriend went to a frat party with her friend and texted a guy shed met on tinder (before we started dating) at 3 am
- Last July she went to Central America and told me she went dancing with friends
- Today she told me one of those guy friends from Central America kissed her that night
- Am I paranoid to think she had more part in what went down in Central America than shes admitting? Im posting this online because I think I’ll get a more objective anonymous opinion than the ones I get from friends, and I have the feeling this community provides a greater cross-section, experientially and generationally. I love my girlfriend and it kills me to even entertain the thought that she might have done something behind my back, but also to think that Im starting to lose my trust for her