T Nation

not sure how to feel

I’m not normally one to put personal shit on the forum, but it this case I’m going to make an exception. I’m stuck at work and nobody I’ve called is home, so I had to get this out another way.

I was laying in bed this morning when my buddy called to drop the news that a old friend of ours committed suicide yesterday. This was not someone I was ever particualrly close with and I had not really seen or heard from her in the past few years.

The thing that’s bugging me is that about a week or two ago, she phoned me out of the blue. The reason she gave for phoning was that she was looking at a job posting that she thought I might be interested in. The job was one I wasn’t really qualified for, so I thought it was kind of a weird reason to call. If she just wanted to talk, she didn’t need to make up an excuse to call. we shot the shit for a while and talked about her new job, how her and her boyfriend were interested in breeding sled dogs etc. The call seemed weird, but Ihad no clue there was a problem.

What pisses me off most was that I guess it was a double suicide. Her and her boyfriend piped the exhaust from their car into the window. My understanding is that he was being chared for assaulting/molesting her Aunt’s kids. If you’re such a despicable fuck your need to assault kids, go ahead and kill yourself, but why talk your girlfriend into it too? Now I don’t really know that it was his idea or if the assault charge thing is true or what really happened, I’m just venting.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m blaming myself for mssing the signs or anything and I’m not really asking advice. The purpose of this wasn’t to start a thred about suicide, I just had to do something other than just sitting here thinking about it.

Wow! That’s quite a story. I know you said you weren’t asking for advice but I just want to tell you not to blame yourself for missing the signs, if indeed there were any.

Unless you’re a trained professional or somehow experienced at this kind of thing, there’s no way you could have known.

that should have read, I’m NOT blaming myself

Thats pretty crappy.

I’ve had some experience with this area, I’m sorry to say.

If she were contemplating suicide herself, it’s possible that the phone call was part of a process of “saying goodbye” to people in her life. She wouldn’t necessarily have given you any clues that she was up to something. Being receptive and talking was actually the best thing you could have done at the time, in case she DID want to open up.

I know you said you’re not blaming yourself, but “survivor’s guilt” and confusion can strike those left behind anyway.

Talk to your mutual friends about it and work it out as best you can. Good luck.

Dude, that’s rough…

You’re not really required to ask every friend that your’ve had who calls you out of the blue if they’re doing ok and are feeling suicidal. So you’re not wrong in not blaming yourself. It’s definitely a rough situation.

Hope that your venting on here helped you deal…

Take care

B.

Thanks for the replies. Yeah, venting really helped. It helped a lot more when I was able to get home a talk with some of my other friends who knew her. The police are still investigating exactly what happened and we are waiting to hear when the funeral will be. I know what you mean about survivors guilt, it does sort of nag at me that maybe I could have said something different to her. I think my buddy is more messed up over it. They got drunk and messed around a bit a few months ago, but he stopped and told her it was a mistake and that they should just remain friends. He tried to keep in touch, but they haven’t spoken at all since. Anyway, thanks again guys!