T Nation

Not Seeing Eye to Eye with Friends


#1

I am 25 now, trying to get all my shit together so by the time I am around 35-40 I will be laughing. Got a good start, own my own home, on a mortgage so I am sharing it with the bank, got a sweet dog, big pitbull. Right now I am starting to not be able to see eye to eye with any of my friends, they are still wanting to black out their faces drinking 3 nights a week.

They're on some idea that things will just happen for them when they get to that age but I see plenty of older guys still acting 18. Its a battle but I am thinking I am going to move away get the career going full steam. In the small town I am in, it is impossible to stay away. All my buddies will still be here whenever I am back for holidays, and fuck I am not saying I am not going to have fun, I just need to get out of the rat race of every weekend being 18/college shit.

Just a rant, had to get it out, seems all my good friends have really just turned into drinking buddies


#2

Meet them in the middle and go out on Saturday night.

I know some dangerous people that drink most every night. That's not good, but don't be such a monk that all you do is lift weights, drink water and cook chicken breasts.


#3

Get a gf.


#4

Agree with this. Being mature is good, but don't forget to enjoy the ride.

That being said, as a fellow 25yo I've seen my friends get ahead with careers and wives and it makes me wish I'd gotten my shit together earlier. Your friends will probably feel the same way eventually. Maybe you could give them a nudge in the right direction rather than breaking ties. Or live and let live, whatever.


#5

Also at 25 life may seem like it's passing you by...but I'm 38 and still basically feel like I'm in my 20s (physically, in that everything is working fine and all) and I've seen a few buddies that started their careers and settled down by 25 and they start to feel, well, a little bored I guess you'd say by the time they get to their late 30s early 40s.
Sure if you've got kids and enjoy settling down then there's absolutely nothing worng with it and it's probably one of the best ways to live your life.


#6

i am 25 with a successful career and i like to party


#7

You guys are probably right, I don't want to be a bum later on nor do I want to think I missed out on being a maniac when I was younger.

Still been ripping going out 2-4 times a month, it's almost like they don't want me to succeed. Scoff at me going into the office on the wknd to get something done, scoff at the notion of studying for a certification exam or just eating clean and going hard in the gym. Almost makes me think they want me to stay on a level playing field.


#8

You will find some friends are just associates. If your only tie is shit faced drunkenness, you will outgrow them through the seasons of your life. So be it.


#9

Yeah, but look at that black facial rash it's caused.


#10

We know we saw all the pictures from the strip club.


#11

true


#12

At 27, I am very glad that my career is going the way I want.

I am also very glad that I am not married yet, because the people who I see that married early, are fucking miserable.

The divorces have already started for a couple of them.

Having fun and being responsible are not mortal enemies though. Keep that in mind. It's not all one or all the other.


#13

Have fun and all that, but really, you need to look at where you want to be 5 or 10 years down the road and decide whether your group of drinking buddies in any way can hamper that progress.

I come from a kind of extreme perspective in that I was part of the group of friends you're referring to in my little social circle coming out of high school and college. A lot of my friends from that time period just kind of passed me by as they grew up and accumulated more and more responsibility as I shirked it every chance I got so that nothing could get in the way of my drinking and drug use. For me, I couldn't do both. I couldn't be successful in life AND snort all the cocaine and drink all the booze that I wanted. So as my group of friends started to evolve over time, I gravitated more and more toward people who had a similar mindset to me. And they gravitated toward me.

When I got sober, the hardest thing to deal with was watching this group of drinking/drugging buddies absolutely disappear. Shit, a friend that I'd known since I was 6 who I grew up around the corner from was the only one out of that group that even had any contact with me at all when I got sober, and even he and I grew apart after about a year. It was hard to handle, but I don't blame them at all. I made a change in my life and demonstrated that I had different priorities in life for once. I didn't really expect them to make that change with me, even though I hoped I could have my cake and eat it too, just like having cocaine, booze AND success.

My point here is that you're in the same position, albeit under different circumstances. In hindsight AND at the time, I didn't harbor any serious resentments toward my friends who moved on while I wallowed in addiction and the partying 8 days a week lifestyle. If I did, I wouldn't have been any better of a friend than those who did NOT move on when I did. You have to do what's good for you and your future. Think of this time in your life as a filtering process where you find out who your true friends are. Mid-20's is a rough time for a lot of people anyways. It's a very transitional time for most and you shouldn't be anything but excited about the fact that you do seem to be moving forward with this transition better than your friends. You don't need to abandon them at all, but you need to understand that part of this transition is learning that your true friends would never do anything to belittle your progress or hamper your chances at success. The moment they begin to do this is just part of that filtering process.


#14

As long as you prioritize, cocaine, booze and success can exist together.

However, OP, if you feel your party buddies are a hindering you, drop them.


#15

You guys are right and I am somewhat on the same page, part of me wants my friends to get on the same page as me, but I can't ask that. I have to make the commitment to better myself right now and know that one Friday or Saturday or any night for that matter, they will be there, but day to day, I am somewhat losing those close friends.

I definately am not holding any resentment, it is not up to me to tell them how to live their lives and vice versa and if it gets to that point, that is when I really need to drop them. This is some good perspective, thanks guys


#16

Free yourself to be yourself. What ever that means to you.


#17

I have just been going through this situation. I am 27 years old. A bunch of my old friends weren't crazy partiers. Instead, they spent the majority of the their time playing sports, and going out to eat, and watching movies. Oh, and spent a ton of time gossiping. I was a part of this until I was about 19-20, and then started to really get involved in improving myself. Learning new languages, improving my employment, and the like. They continued to do nothing productive. Continued with the "hanging out" and such, not advancing personally or professionally. When I was 25, I moved out to Chicago from the suburbs and since then have really lost touch with the "old group". I have found new friends and we all have similar goals. I have occasionally gone out to play sports and hang out with the other guys. They have not changed. Still the same old same old stuff. The only difference is, they complain a lot more now, gossip more, and are in worse shape. I am glad I made the changes I did.


#18

lol. is there some inside joke i am missing?


#19

Good advice here, but I remember a study that stated that your friends are mostly and always based upon your income. The higher you climb in income range the more likely you are to change friends and lifestyle choices. There are those few friends who are exceptions.
Houstonguy did you not go from rags to riches?


#20

Your shirts shore are purdy.