Please help, I fucked up on so many levels, I know. But I am going insane. I’ve had an absolutely dead dick for the past 6 months and I can’t take it anymore. I am 23 years old, started my 5th cycles at the start of august which consisted of :
500mg test E/weeks
700mg primobolan E/weeks
50mg anavar/weeks. (1-5)
60mg ralox/weeks (wanted to remove some gyno from last cycles)
200mg DNP (first 2 weeks, wanted to do a small suicide cut first 2 weeks)
Other length doesn’t matter for the rest because I didn’t finish it.
I started the first 3 weeks with DNP, everything was going well. Then at week 4, I added in HCG @ 500 IU E3D because I wanted the increased loads and to recover faster once I would do my PCT. I did feel an increased sex drive initially, for the first 3-4 injections. Then around weeks 5-6-7, my libido started going downhill, to the point where it was non-existent at ALL. It was still early, didn’t know toward what kind of hell I was drifting to yet, at this stage. So I theorized I had crashed my E2, which could’ve been logical since I was running EQ and primobolan, which is said to crash estrogen. At this point, you should know that I had absolutely NO libido. I didn’t jack off for 4 weeks straight. Literally not interested in sex. Anyways, to try and result my theorized problem of estrogen and low libido, I’ve added NPP at 300mg/weeks to my protocol, increased testosterone to 750mg/weeks and dropped Primo and EQ. (Why npp? Cause I’ve done 3 cycle on this and always increased my libido like crazy. Thought It would do the same.) I went on for like 3-4 weeks like that, with no results, still.
Then, well, still nothing. So at this point I’m running 750 mg test/weeks, 300 npp/weeks and HCG. I decided to drop the HCG aswell as my problem could’ve been the opposite that I thought, maybe I had high estrogen instead ? I know my usuals high estrogens symptoms but I didn’t had any really. Anyways, went on and started taking some aromasin, started with 12.5mg 2x/weeks and upped to 25mgs, no improvement at all.
At this point were in October and I’m getting scared, it’s the first time something like that happened to me. I decide to drop everything to a cruise dose, as I’ve read off someone in a similar situation to me, that was advised to do just that. So I start injecting only 150mgs/weeks of test E, split 2x/weeks, and let time do its thing. Honestly, I did see an improvement. I had some small sort of libido; I would masturbate once per weeks and experience some weak erections. But it was still super far from normal, there’s no way I would go out and have sex with this kind of low libido and it was so small that it wasn’t sustainable for me. I will evaluate this libido at like 20%. Up from 0% a few weeks ago.
So some weeks goes, it’s now mid-December, I’m reading everyday on the subject, looking at every forums for people in my situation, without being able to find a solution. I think about re-introducing HCG, as it helps usually a lot of peoples on cruises. I introduce 250IUS E3D and notice a very small amelioration. Okay, nice I guess?
At this point I hadn’t my blood taken because I thought it was a temporary issue and it is extremely hard where I live and walk-ins clinics are illegal, you requires a prescription to get bloods and I have no family doctor. Anyways, I tell myself fuck it, go though the difficult process of finding a random doctor to get my bloods, I tell her I’m actually off everything just so I’d get my bloods taken. (it takes 30 days to receive the results, so I just got them in January)
Then I go through my old cycle logs and remember that when I came off an old cycle and used high dosage HCG, my libido was thought the roof. So I do a single shot of 1000IUS of HCG and BOOOOOM. There it goes. 100%. I was horny like I was before, I could masturbate for a whole day straight (I always been like that when my libido is normal), I was so happy, thought I had it under my belt. This also confirmed to me that my problem was not psychological. So I decide to up my dosage to 500 IU EoD and see where it goes.
Sadly, after a few weeks, the libido went downward to like 30%, which sucked completely. Was back to being somewhat horny only once per weeks. I was taking aromasin, can’t remember really the dose, but it was small, wasn’t having high E2 symptoms, nor small E2 symptoms.
Now were in early January, I got my results from my bloods I had taken in December :
Test: 23.3 nmol/L (9-28.3) (reference range)
Freetest: 692 pmol/L (70-468)
Bioavailable test : 18 nmol/L (2.3-14 nmol/L)
SHBG: 12.7 nmol/L (13.3-89.9) kinda low shbg
Estradiol: 78 pmol/L
Prolactin 7.6 ug/L (2.6-13.1)
TSH: 1.43 Mu/L (0.38-5.33)
My test was kinda high, estrogen too but nothing significant that could cause such a low sexual drive. I tell myself fuck off and decide to come off everything and plan my PCT. I cannot endure this no more. My plan is to dose high HCG for 4 weeks while the test E clears up and then introduce nolvadex and clomid at moderate doseage.
While coming off, taking HCG @ 1000IUS/days, libido was actually pretty fair, I was jacking off every 2 days, it was enjoyable tbh. It was the closest I had to having a sustained, normal libido in months. After about 4 weeks at this dosage to let the test E clears, I stop the HCG and introduce nolvadex at 20mgs/ED and Clomid @ 100mgs/ED for the first 2 weeks, while planning to reduce the doses after to 10mg nolva/ED and 50mgs clomid/ED.
Well, as you can probably guess already, my dick went to absolute shit right there. Okay, that’s to be anticipated I guess? It wasn’t my first rodeo in a PCT, so I kept calm. As far as I can remember, I always had ED and low libido in PCT. (Even tho this time was way worse, but I kept calm).
It’s now been 5 weeks since im on PCT and haven’t recovered at all, my dick and libido is completely dead. Nonexistent. And it’s starting to considerably hurting my life. I know my PCT isn’t over and my test probably haven’t recovered but I know that it’s not normal to be so bad. I plan to try and get some bloodworks after weeks 5-6.
I’ve tried everything (when I was still on cycle) : Proviron, masteron, Cialis, Viagra, all kind of shitty OTC supplements, Caber, Melotan-2, Adderall (I got a script for this), EVERYTHING. Nothing helped.
I am now exploring the options of pregnanolone, since some claim HCG increases libido by increasing pregnanolone and DHEA and HCG did give me extremely good libido. But I honestly doubt it will do anything, tbh. I haven’t seen any anectodal case of people increasing libido with pregnenolone.
I know the issue isn’t psychological, cause I really did see improvement in less than hours with HCG. I am not watching any porn. I didn’t take any SSRI, ever in my life. My dopamine system isn’t fried (Yes I got a script for Adderall, but I take only 5mgs IR, once every few days when I really need it. Never went higher than 10mgs). I am not fat at all, I’m 200 lbs, 6 feets @ around 15% bodyfat atm (was 10% at the start of the cycle) and I do cardio almost every days for 30-90mins.
So what the fuck could be the cause? The ONLY way I am able to cum, is with a very high dose of Viagra and Cialis, where I concentrate really hard while jacking off, which I do like once every week, to measure how I feel. Other than that, I feel like my dick is like, cold and disconnected from my mind? It reacts to physical touch, without being turned on really, like blood will go into it if I touch it but there is no pleasure at all.
Please someone help me, I am so fucking scared of not recovering and I am running out of solution. I genuinely don’t see any point in living if my dick is going to stay dead like this forever and I am starting to get very depressed. If I recover, I vow to never, ever uses steroids again in my life.
Thanks in advance for reading this and helping.