No Kids - Any Regrets?

[quote]lixy wrote:
… in our day and age, kids are mainly to feed one’s ego. [/quote]

Where do you come up with that “fact”?
We have a 15 year old son, and I assure you his “being” has nothing to do with our egos.

[quote]Farside wrote:
After 10 years of marriage, my wife and I have decided to not have any children due to a genetic condition she has which could have severe health consequences if she gave birth - that and neither of us are really interested in being parents.

So before I head off to get snipped, I was curious if there were many other couples out there that have gone the ‘kid-less’ route, and if so, have you ever had any regrets over the decision? ??

[/quote]

Go ahead and get snipped. Then contact an adoption agency. I have 2 biological kids and a little girl (age 6) from China. They are truly the light of my life.

Try China, btw. The kids have no fetal alcohol or drug issues; they most are kids abandoned by farmers moving into the cities.

I simply can’t imagine life w/o my kids.

All the best!
HH

If you don’t want them you better not have them. There are far to many children out there that were not wanted. It take a love for children to raise them. They are at time a pain in the ass but the rest of the time they are the most amazing beings on earth. Given the right chances they will do wonderful things.

The hardest, most important and rewarding job I ever had. I only wish diabetics would do as you and your wife have decided to do. Difficult but extremely wise decision, my hats off to you both.

[quote]lixy wrote:
msd0060 wrote:
lixy wrote:
From my perspective, you’re doing the planet a great service. I might get flamed for saying this, but in our day and age, kids are mainly to feed one’s ego. And now that women can have fulfilling careers, the little people are not a priority any longer.

With 7 billion people around, it’s not like the species will go extinct any time soon…

But…

Idiots will reproduce 5 times.

So many smart people opting out of it, kind of saddening. How many white trash redneck idiots did I grow up with that already have kids? (I’m 22). It’s nuts. If I don’t have kids, I fear I’m doing the world a grave injustice.

I was looking at from the burden-on-the-planet perspective, not the dumbing-down-of-society bit.

With regards to outbreeding the idiots and mentally sick, I’m afraid that battle was lost right from the start. Cases like Josef Fritzl’s illustrate that perfectly.

I’ll say it again, having kids is all about one’s ego. When you look at the millions of children starving to death, babies ditched in garbage bins (it’s a common sight in India and China) and the burden Humanity is imposing on Earth’s ecosystem, there aren’t many reasons why you’d have to have kids besides: 1) ego 2) pursuit of eternal life 3) God told me so 4) you’re poor and you see it as an insurance for when you grow older 5) you’re rich and you got bored with pets.

I dramatize of course, but that’s the general idea. Even when people aren’t actually thinking that, instincts subconsciously kick in to make the decision for them. Any anthropologists around?[/quote]

Ridiculous.

[quote]Zap Branigan wrote:
Ridiculous.[/quote]

That’s not much of an argument, now is it?

[quote]lixy wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
Ridiculous.

That’s not much of an argument, now is it?[/quote]

Overpopulation is a function of (a) how much resources there are and (b) what a resource is.

With nanotechnology and nuclear power, the earth could easily sustain 10 billion people, perhaps even 20 billion.

On the emotional side, my little daughter was abandoned in a cardboard box by a slum. How could one NOT want to give that child a home and family? Granted, my wife and I have been very fortunate, but what’s more precious than life?

"I call heaven and earth to record this day against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore choose life…
— Deuteronomy 30:1-20 KJV

[quote]lixy wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
Ridiculous.

That’s not much of an argument, now is it?[/quote]

It doesn’t require much argument. You clearly don’t know anything about the subject hence your little rant.

If YOU don’t want kids, that is fine and I agree with you. You should not have them.

[quote]Headhunter wrote:
Overpopulation is a function of (a) how much resources there are and (b) what a resource is. [/quote]

This is a silly notion.

To me, overpopulation is about the average human not being able to go ten meters without running into another human being.

Which, by extrapolating the current growth, is only a few decades away.

My point exactly! I salute you for that decision. If only more people would go down that route instead of giving in to whatever instinct that makes them want to duplicate themselves, the world would be a better place.

God bless you and your wife.

Kids change everything in a marriage. Have a kid and you and your spouse aren’t the priority anymore. That adjustment alone has ruined many a marriage, not to mention all of the other burdens having children puts on your life/marriage (time, money, freedom, etc.). I have kids and it was a commitment my wife and I had a pretty good understanding of when we made the decision to start a family. We were both older than some (30) and we were ready to take that step. But in spite of that understanding the actual reality of having kids was still an eye opener. Nothing we can’t handle, but having kids made me wonder how younger people (teens, early twenties) could handle this same burden.

Going childless means you and your wife can focus on each other. You can spend all of your income on yourselves. You only have to plan a future for yourselves. When you consider all of the potential problems that can come with kids being childless is a pretty sweet deal. My kids are my life and I love them more than anything in the world, but I’m not one of those people who looks down on those who choose not to go this route. And that will probably be the worst thing you have to deal with being childless: other people’s attitudes and constantly haranguing you about the need to have kids.

Good luck with this and the great thing is as has been mentioned. If in the future you do want to start a family you can always adopt.

I know I think very differently from many people, but having no children (bio or adopted) just seems like an end, somehow. Thousands of generations, thousands of years and…that’s it. The end.

That’s one reason why I’ll never understand why people can be gay. If its a choice, its like THE END.

All the people before you who are your family made the decisions that led to you. Yet a person decides to end all that.

Of course, if its a big risk or physically impossible, that’s another thing. But it all just seems so…final. There’s a kind of sadness to that.

[quote]Headhunter wrote:
I know I think very differently from many people, but having no children (bio or adopted) just seems like an end, somehow. Thousands of generations, thousands of years and…that’s it. The end.

That’s one reason why I’ll never understand why people can be gay. If its a choice, its like THE END.

All the people before you who are your family made the decisions that led to you. Yet a person decides to end all that.

Of course, if its a big risk or physically impossible, that’s another thing. But it all just seems so…final. There’s a kind of sadness to that.[/quote]

yup

It seems to me that in childless couples, there’s a kind of emotional and spiritual depth that seems to be lacking. A kind of superficiality.

I don’t intend to knock you or your decision, as I don’t know you. And I’ll full-out acknowledge there are probably a number of people who should not have kids because they’re too irresponsible to handle themselves, much less someone elses future.

I haven’t met a single parent whose life hasn’t been enriched by their child.

As a counterpoint, I’ve met a number of individuals who hate their parents. So if you’re not gonna do it, great. If you do though, do it right (not advice to you, just my general thoughts on the subject).

I love them, but I don’t want them and never have wanted them.

For a short period of time, I thought I could/would, but I just don’t.

And if I did, I would adopt.

It’s causing huge issues in my relationship right now.

Where’s the “rolleyes” signal when you need it?

Seriously, dude, that’s one sweeping and broad statement you just made about something for which it is possible for you to know very, very, very little (the emotional and spiritual depth of another couple’s relationship).

[quote]Otep wrote:
It seems to me that in childless couples, there’s a kind of emotional and spiritual depth that seems to be lacking. A kind of superficiality. [/quote]

[quote]Damici wrote:
Where’s the “rolleyes” signal when you need it?

Seriously, dude, that’s one sweeping and broad statement you just made about something for which it is possible for you to know very, very, very little (the emotional and spiritual depth of another couple’s relationship).

Otep wrote:
It seems to me that in childless couples, there’s a kind of emotional and spiritual depth that seems to be lacking. A kind of superficiality.

[/quote]

Lol, true very true.

D

[quote]ouroboro_s wrote:
I have two kids and love them to death. However, it is a hard enough undertaking that I wouldn’t suggest it if you are ambivalent in any way. You may regret it but that wouldn’t be as bad as having them and regretting that. They really can be pains in the ass.[/quote]

While I agree this is a good point, I will throw in my own experience just to confuse the OP a bit more :slight_smile:

Actually I did not want kids, they just happened :slight_smile: (I have three). However, now I am glad that I do have them.
Certainly, they can be a pain in the ass; however, this is only one side of the coin. I can’t wait to get home at the end of my work to hear the details of their day.

We live in a time when it is believed that joy, liberation could be ours if we could be free of all responsibilities and commitments. However, in the end, this leads to an empty life. It really does. I think Milan Kundera treats this subject brilliantly in his novel, “The Unbearable Lightness of Being”.

That said, I cannot argue against what Ourobos has said, but it’s a bit complicated. The spectacle of parenting might look terrible but turn out to be the most splendid thing. Of course, the opposite could be true. There is no easy answer to this.

[quote]Khronos wrote:
Kids change everything in a marriage. Have a kid and you and your spouse aren’t the priority anymore. [/quote]

Why can’t you have more than one priority of equal importance in a family? Sure, there are sacrifices that have to be made, but you have to work at keeping a balance. If the husband and wife don’t keep each other as a priority, the marriage will likely fail and the children will likely suffer. I seriously caution people against this.

This is exactly right. Too many people can’t handle this for different reasons.

Going childless means you and your wife can focus on each other. You can spend all of your income on yourselves. You only have to plan a future for yourselves. When you consider all of the potential problems that can come with kids being childless is a pretty sweet deal. My kids are my life and I love them more than anything in the world, but I’m not one of those people who looks down on those who choose not to go this route. And that will probably be the worst thing you have to deal with being childless: other people’s attitudes and constantly haranguing you about the need to have kids.[/quote]

It won’t help if he keeps sharing his misguided views of people only having children for selfish reasons. Honestly, to me, not having children seems more selfish because you don’t feel like being inconvenienced. I could care less if people don’t want to have kids - it’s a personal decision. But, please don’t project a fragile ego (not directed at you Khronos) onto to those of us who have chosen to enrich our lives with children.

DB

I will probably get bukkakeed with hate, But I have to chime in on this. I forced the chick I was with to get an abortion after impregnating her. At first, She was going to keep it no matter what, but than I really started knocking
some sense into her.

I told her this was going to ruing our lives and that were way to young for this shit. She gave in and got it, I was so relived. I told some people about this and they have not spoken to me since. I think about what the kid would have looked like,sometimes.

But I never desire to have another one. I sometimes think I should have put it for adoption, but the chick would have never agreed.

[quote]nomorewar wrote:
I will probably get bukkakeed with hate, But I have to chime in on this. I forced the chick I was with to get an abortion after impregnating her. At first, She was going to keep it no matter what, but than I really started knocking
some sense into her. I told her this was going to ruing our lives and that were way to young for this shit. She gave in and got it, I was so relived. I told some people about this and they have not spoken to me since. I think about what the kid would have looked like,sometimes. But I never desire to have another one. I sometimes think I should have put it for adoption, but the chick would have never agreed.
[/quote]

Abortion sucks and it’s a terrible thing. But the last thing a child needs are parents that don’t really want them. Adoption isn’t always a sure thing, and that whole life is no way for a kid to be happy and grow, never feeling like they belonged anywhere.

Abortion sucks, but sometimes it’s what best for everyone. Sorry god fearing Christians. I know, Hell, yep, see you there.

I recognize that I am too selfish, at the moment, to have children. But I would like to have a child at some point. I have nothing against adoption, but I really would like to carry my own genetic material forward, if possible.

I know several people who had marriages or relationships fall apart because one partner wanted a child while the other did not. This is just a crucial point, I think.

I would not want to have children within the first year or two of knowing someone. I think it is important to spend time together, enjoy the romance and freedom of being a young couple, and make sure that you can handle the little stuff before getting married and handling the big stuff (like children).