My, oh, my… Only 6 out of 15 correct last week. Hopefully, my spread picking will improve. Probably not, though, since I am picking “whomever” to beat the Giants, Lions, and Rams by 21+ every week. A man has to cultivate a system, eh?
Even though any time you see a spread greater than 10 from me it is a joke, the Packers beat my spread against the Lions. Who covers a 21 point spread? They did, against the Lions. Simply amazing. Time for Millen to go, the Fords to sell the team, and new blood up there…
Now, for WEEK THREE:
KC at ATL: The Chiefs have to win one eventually, and Atlanta sucks bad enough to be the Ones. KC by 3.
OAK at BUF: Well, the Bills seem to be playing well, eh? Oakland seems to be playing poorly. Buffalo is at home. See where I am going with this? Exactly. Raiders by 3.
TB at CHI: Hrm. Two crappy teams that taste crappy together. Lemmesee… Back in the '70’s, Tampa was part of the NFC Central before going to the AFC, and since then most NFC Central teams became the NFC North… That would make this a GRUDGE MATCH for CHICAGO or something, right? Bears by 3.
MIA at NE: God, I wish the Dolphins didn’t slurp so much. NE by 7. Rumblegrumble.
ARI at WAS: The Cardinals have been surprising (considering they have a superbowl ring wearing QB who leads the NFL in all-time career completion percentage and average yards per attempt). Okay, maybe not so surprising. But Washington is still in the NFC East, which has only one non-DOMINATING force (the Giants, of course). Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Washington at home by 3.
HOU at TENN: Tennessee by 10. “Budweiser Beer Sponsored Lock of the Week”
CIN at NYG: Ocho Cinco will have a banner day in this 21 point route of the Giants at home. Eli will weep into his li’l pillow. Bengals by 21.
CAR at MIN: Er… Carolina’s run defense… Lemme look it up… Carolina is coughing up 110 yards per game on the ground. The Vikings have the number 4 rushing offense in the league. The “NeelyDan Rules of Dominance” cites that, “any offense getting 200+ yards on the ground will win.” It is in the rules, gang… Vikings by 7. FEARLESS SPREAD
DET at SF: Good news for San Fran! They play the Lions! SF by 21.
STL at Seattle: FInally, a win for Holmgren. SEA by 21.
NO at DEN: Ah, crap, why do I gotta give a prop to Denver two weeks in a row? Broncos by 7. FEARLESS SPREAD
12: CLE at BAL: Ah… Love it. The old Browns versus the FAKE EXPANSION TEAM Browns. We know that under those Edgar Allen Poe Ravens logos are actual Cleveland Brown logos of yore. (Well, okay, Cleveland doesn’t really have a logo. When I was a kid, they had a little brownie fairy pixie thing as a logo on their banners and whatnot, though.) The Ravens are the Browns who left in the night. The Browns are the league-created expansion team. What does it all mean? Browns by 4. Duh.
JAC at IND: We have a professional football team in Indiana. WTF? Anyway, they used to be in Baltimore, where the Browns of Yore now will host the Fake Upstart Browns. Is it all related? Only if you consider Jacksonville to be an ill-considered expansion team in a small television market who cannot sell out home games. See how clear it is? THUS, Colts by 4.
PIT at PHI: After last week, when the Steelers barely beat the Browns (who are a fak… never mind) and the Eagles put on their Air Show, I almost feel bad for the Steelers having to walk into Philly’s house to play. They are gladiators with wooden sticks sent into the colliseum filled with lions. They are doomed. Mene mene tekul upharsin. The gig is up. Elvis has left the building. They’re taking the dirt nap. The Eagles by 14. FEARLESS SPREAD
DAL at GB: Dallas will outscore their opponent, regardless of the opponent’s score. Or something. They scored with impunity against the Eagles’ rock-solid defense. The Eagles scored off of flukes such as fumbles in the end zone, runs from the 1 after a pass interference call, etc. You can’t depend on points off of turnovers… Cowboys by 6.
NYJ at SD: *Sigh… The fan in me wants Favre to excel this season. But the fan in me also wants Norv Turner in the AFC Championship game. Objectively, one has to give this one to the Chargers by 6.
Stick to the facts because that was more interesting. The quality of the predictions went downhill the second you tried rambling like Bill Simmons on ESPN.com.
Oh, and the old Browns will do more than cover that spread against the new “fake” Browns.
KC at ATL: Falcons duplicate week 1’s performance. Herm Edwards hangs himself after the game. ATL by 10.
OAK at BUF: Bills embarass Oaktown, Lane Kiffin punches Al Davis in the throat, then Al Davis bites Kiffin’s throat, turning him into a vampire. BUF by 17.
TB at CHI: Bucs shut down Bears “offense.” Graham and Griese do enough for the W. TB by 3.
MIA at NE: Fins are still bad. NE by 7.
ARI at WAS: Kurt Warner is partyin’ like it’s 1999. Fuck, Prince is gay. ARI by 6.
HOU at TENN: Battle of the Johnsons: Andre vs. Chris. Andre is taller. HOU by 3.
CIN at NYG: The Bengals get humiliated…AGAIN. Carson Palmer weeps softly on the sidelines.
CAR at MIN: Tarvaris Jackson vs. Jake “I would be a SB MVP if Tom Brady were never born” Delhomme. Tough call (not really). CAR by 3.
DET at SF: Not worth talking about. SF by 7.
STL at Seattle: See above. SEA by 20.
NO at DEN: Gonna be fun to watch. Shootout at Mile High. DEN by 1.
12: CLE at BAL: Is the Ravens D really back? We’ll see. CLE by 3.
JAC at IND: Both are a mess on the O line. Good luck blocking Freeney with a 3rd string LT. IND by 10.
PIT at PHI: Both coming off tough division rivalry games. Someone will have a letdown. Not McNabb and Co. PHI by 3…just kidding. I can’t pick against the Stillers. PIT by 4.
DAL at GB: DAL has MNF hangover. GB by 4.
NYJ at SD: Favre on Monday night. He lights up a weak Charger D. NYJ by 6.
No way the Chefs beat the Falcons, Turner and Norwood should have a field day on the 31st ranked rush D. Now if KC somehow shuts them down and Matt Ryan has to win we could be in trouble. God I hope we don’t lose, I live in KC and my life would suck if that happened.
I’m playing a franchise in NFL 2009 and in week 2 3 of the matches ended with the exact same score as in real life so Ima give it a shot with my game’s week 3 results.
PIT at PHI: After last week, when the Steelers barely beat the Browns (who are a fak… never mind) and the Eagles put on their Air Show, I almost feel bad for the Steelers having to walk into Philly’s house to play. They are gladiators with wooden sticks sent into the colliseum filled with lions. They are doomed. Mene mene tekul upharsin. The gig is up. Elvis has left the building. They’re taking the dirt nap. The Eagles by 14. FEARLESS SPREAD
[/quote]
You, NeelyDan, are sadly mistaken. I’ll be at the game to witness, once again, the Steelers proving themselves as the dominant professional PA football team.
PIT at PHI: After last week, when the Steelers barely beat the Browns (who are a fak… never mind) and the Eagles put on their Air Show, I almost feel bad for the Steelers having to walk into Philly’s house to play. They are gladiators with wooden sticks sent into the colliseum filled with lions. They are doomed. Mene mene tekul upharsin. The gig is up. Elvis has left the building. They’re taking the dirt nap. The Eagles by 14. FEARLESS SPREAD
You, NeelyDan, are sadly mistaken. I’ll be at the game to witness, once again, the Steelers proving themselves as the dominant professional PA football team.
[quote]Bauer97 wrote:
You, NeelyDan, are sadly mistaken. I’ll be at the game to witness, once again, the Steelers proving themselves as the dominant professional PA football team.
[/quote]
I expected more from a guy with the name of an iconic piece of sports equipment up here as his handle.
The prediction stands, good sir. I wager one pumpkin pie.
