T Nation

NFL - Week 3

My, oh, my… Only 6 out of 15 correct last week. Hopefully, my spread picking will improve. Probably not, though, since I am picking “whomever” to beat the Giants, Lions, and Rams by 21+ every week. A man has to cultivate a system, eh?

Even though any time you see a spread greater than 10 from me it is a joke, the Packers beat my spread against the Lions. Who covers a 21 point spread? They did, against the Lions. Simply amazing. Time for Millen to go, the Fords to sell the team, and new blood up there…

Now, for WEEK THREE:

  1. KC at ATL: The Chiefs have to win one eventually, and Atlanta sucks bad enough to be the Ones. KC by 3.

  2. OAK at BUF: Well, the Bills seem to be playing well, eh? Oakland seems to be playing poorly. Buffalo is at home. See where I am going with this? Exactly. Raiders by 3.

  3. TB at CHI: Hrm. Two crappy teams that taste crappy together. Lemmesee… Back in the '70’s, Tampa was part of the NFC Central before going to the AFC, and since then most NFC Central teams became the NFC North… That would make this a GRUDGE MATCH for CHICAGO or something, right? Bears by 3.

  4. MIA at NE: God, I wish the Dolphins didn’t slurp so much. NE by 7. Rumblegrumble.

  5. ARI at WAS: The Cardinals have been surprising (considering they have a superbowl ring wearing QB who leads the NFL in all-time career completion percentage and average yards per attempt). Okay, maybe not so surprising. But Washington is still in the NFC East, which has only one non-DOMINATING force (the Giants, of course). Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Washington at home by 3.

  6. HOU at TENN: Tennessee by 10. “Budweiser Beer Sponsored Lock of the Week”

  7. CIN at NYG: Ocho Cinco will have a banner day in this 21 point route of the Giants at home. Eli will weep into his li’l pillow. Bengals by 21.

  8. CAR at MIN: Er… Carolina’s run defense… Lemme look it up… Carolina is coughing up 110 yards per game on the ground. The Vikings have the number 4 rushing offense in the league. The “NeelyDan Rules of Dominance” cites that, “any offense getting 200+ yards on the ground will win.” It is in the rules, gang… Vikings by 7. FEARLESS SPREAD

  9. DET at SF: Good news for San Fran! They play the Lions! SF by 21.

  10. STL at Seattle: FInally, a win for Holmgren. SEA by 21.

  11. NO at DEN: Ah, crap, why do I gotta give a prop to Denver two weeks in a row? Broncos by 7. FEARLESS SPREAD

12: CLE at BAL: Ah… Love it. The old Browns versus the FAKE EXPANSION TEAM Browns. We know that under those Edgar Allen Poe Ravens logos are actual Cleveland Brown logos of yore. (Well, okay, Cleveland doesn’t really have a logo. When I was a kid, they had a little brownie fairy pixie thing as a logo on their banners and whatnot, though.) The Ravens are the Browns who left in the night. The Browns are the league-created expansion team. What does it all mean? Browns by 4. Duh.

  1. JAC at IND: We have a professional football team in Indiana. WTF? Anyway, they used to be in Baltimore, where the Browns of Yore now will host the Fake Upstart Browns. Is it all related? Only if you consider Jacksonville to be an ill-considered expansion team in a small television market who cannot sell out home games. See how clear it is? THUS, Colts by 4.

  2. PIT at PHI: After last week, when the Steelers barely beat the Browns (who are a fak… never mind) and the Eagles put on their Air Show, I almost feel bad for the Steelers having to walk into Philly’s house to play. They are gladiators with wooden sticks sent into the colliseum filled with lions. They are doomed. Mene mene tekul upharsin. The gig is up. Elvis has left the building. They’re taking the dirt nap. The Eagles by 14. FEARLESS SPREAD

  3. DAL at GB: Dallas will outscore their opponent, regardless of the opponent’s score. Or something. They scored with impunity against the Eagles’ rock-solid defense. The Eagles scored off of flukes such as fumbles in the end zone, runs from the 1 after a pass interference call, etc. You can’t depend on points off of turnovers… Cowboys by 6.

  4. NYJ at SD: *Sigh… The fan in me wants Favre to excel this season. But the fan in me also wants Norv Turner in the AFC Championship game. Objectively, one has to give this one to the Chargers by 6.

Edit - Rainjack is my friend.

It’s going to be impossible for Norv Turner to be in the NFC championship game seeing as how SD is in the AFC.

I found the NFL review in playboy this month to be interesting.

They have the superbowl to be: New England & Dallas with NE winning. However this came out before the whole “brady” thing happened…

Whoops.

[quote]rainjack wrote:
It’s going to be impossible for Norv Turner to be in the NFC championship game seeing as how SD is in the AFC. [/quote]

You can now appreciate the level at which I place the bar in my life, Rainjack.

ALSO: GAME 7 HAS A TYPO OF ROUTE INSTEAD OF ROUT.

Anyone else on pedantic patrol today along with Rainjack?

Stick to the facts because that was more interesting. The quality of the predictions went downhill the second you tried rambling like Bill Simmons on ESPN.com.

Oh, and the old Browns will do more than cover that spread against the new “fake” Browns.

  1. KC at ATL: Falcons duplicate week 1’s performance. Herm Edwards hangs himself after the game. ATL by 10.

  2. OAK at BUF: Bills embarass Oaktown, Lane Kiffin punches Al Davis in the throat, then Al Davis bites Kiffin’s throat, turning him into a vampire. BUF by 17.

  3. TB at CHI: Bucs shut down Bears “offense.” Graham and Griese do enough for the W. TB by 3.

  4. MIA at NE: Fins are still bad. NE by 7.

  5. ARI at WAS: Kurt Warner is partyin’ like it’s 1999. Fuck, Prince is gay. ARI by 6.

  6. HOU at TENN: Battle of the Johnsons: Andre vs. Chris. Andre is taller. HOU by 3.

  7. CIN at NYG: The Bengals get humiliated…AGAIN. Carson Palmer weeps softly on the sidelines.

  8. CAR at MIN: Tarvaris Jackson vs. Jake “I would be a SB MVP if Tom Brady were never born” Delhomme. Tough call (not really). CAR by 3.

  9. DET at SF: Not worth talking about. SF by 7.

  10. STL at Seattle: See above. SEA by 20.

  11. NO at DEN: Gonna be fun to watch. Shootout at Mile High. DEN by 1.

12: CLE at BAL: Is the Ravens D really back? We’ll see. CLE by 3.

  1. JAC at IND: Both are a mess on the O line. Good luck blocking Freeney with a 3rd string LT. IND by 10.

  2. PIT at PHI: Both coming off tough division rivalry games. Someone will have a letdown. Not McNabb and Co. PHI by 3…just kidding. I can’t pick against the Stillers. PIT by 4.

  3. DAL at GB: DAL has MNF hangover. GB by 4.

  4. NYJ at SD: Favre on Monday night. He lights up a weak Charger D. NYJ by 6.

No way the Chefs beat the Falcons, Turner and Norwood should have a field day on the 31st ranked rush D. Now if KC somehow shuts them down and Matt Ryan has to win we could be in trouble. God I hope we don’t lose, I live in KC and my life would suck if that happened.

Once I saw you predicted to Bengals to beat the Giants by 21 on the road, I stopped reading.

[quote]Djwlfpack wrote:
Once I saw you predicted to Bengals to beat the Giants by 21 on the road, I stopped reading.[/quote]

Agreed, that’s just silly. SILLY I TELLS YA. The Bengals couldn’t be a pop warner team right now. Marvin Lewis needs to be fired, pronto.

Guys, you might be missing the point of the thread.

Lighten up, it’s to spur discussion and maybe generate a snicker or two.

Christ.

[quote]NeelyDan wrote:
… and maybe generate a snicker or two.

[/quote]

But it does leave the door wide open for fail pictures, which are always funny.

I know on at least one occasion you did the whole loud nose exhale thing while reading the post.

Chiefs 14
Falcons 31

Raiders 3
Bills 17

Bengals 17
Giants 24

Dolphins 17
Patriots 34

Texans 6
Titans 14

Bucs 24
Bears 28

Cardinals 12
Redskins 13

Panthers 10
Vikings 13 (OT)

Saints 9
Broncos 24

Lions 10
49ers 13

Rams 27
Seahawks 24 (OT)

Jaguars 24
Colts 23

Steelers 24
Eagles 3 (lawl)

Browns 14
Ravens 6

Cowboys 34
Packers 24

Jets 24
Chargers 12

I’m playing a franchise in NFL 2009 and in week 2 3 of the matches ended with the exact same score as in real life so Ima give it a shot with my game’s week 3 results.

[quote]NeelyDan wrote:

  1. PIT at PHI: After last week, when the Steelers barely beat the Browns (who are a fak… never mind) and the Eagles put on their Air Show, I almost feel bad for the Steelers having to walk into Philly’s house to play. They are gladiators with wooden sticks sent into the colliseum filled with lions. They are doomed. Mene mene tekul upharsin. The gig is up. Elvis has left the building. They’re taking the dirt nap. The Eagles by 14. FEARLESS SPREAD
    [/quote]

You, NeelyDan, are sadly mistaken. I’ll be at the game to witness, once again, the Steelers proving themselves as the dominant professional PA football team.

[quote]Bauer97 wrote:
NeelyDan wrote:

  1. PIT at PHI: After last week, when the Steelers barely beat the Browns (who are a fak… never mind) and the Eagles put on their Air Show, I almost feel bad for the Steelers having to walk into Philly’s house to play. They are gladiators with wooden sticks sent into the colliseum filled with lions. They are doomed. Mene mene tekul upharsin. The gig is up. Elvis has left the building. They’re taking the dirt nap. The Eagles by 14. FEARLESS SPREAD

You, NeelyDan, are sadly mistaken. I’ll be at the game to witness, once again, the Steelers proving themselves as the dominant professional PA football team.

[/quote]

Bauer, cut him some slack, he’s Canadian! lol

[quote]Kataklysm wrote:

Rams 27
Seahawks 24 (OT)[/quote]

I like this guy.

[quote]B rocK wrote:
I found the NFL review in playboy this month to be interesting.

They have the superbowl to be: New England & Dallas with NE winning. However this came out before the whole “brady” thing happened…

Whoops.[/quote]

I thought their NFL review was good, the college ball review however was done by someone who smokes crack and doesn’t know much about football.

GB/Dallas - Dallas by 7.

[quote]Bauer97 wrote:
You, NeelyDan, are sadly mistaken. I’ll be at the game to witness, once again, the Steelers proving themselves as the dominant professional PA football team.

[/quote]

I expected more from a guy with the name of an iconic piece of sports equipment up here as his handle.

The prediction stands, good sir. I wager one pumpkin pie.

[quote]rainjack wrote:
It’s going to be impossible for Norv Turner to be in the NFC championship game seeing as how SD is in the AFC. [/quote]

…and Tampa Bay is in the NCF South not the AFC.

Falcons over the Chiefs

Bills over the Raiders

Giants over the Bengals

Patriots over the Dolphins

Titans over the Texans

Bucs over the Bears

Cardinals over the Redskins

Panthers over the Vikings

Broncos over the Saints

49ers over the Lions

Seahawks over the Rams

Colts over the Jaguars

Eagles over the Steelers

Ravens over the Browns

Cowboys over the Packers

Chargers over the Jets