after lots of work on form the weights are finally starting to come up. and now i'm freaking out about a whole bunch of stuff... i've been told that my body seems especially sensitive to androgens (body hair, acne) even though in the past they were in normal range. now... i've been feeling really horny like never before. like i'd imagine a 15 year old boy must feel. hard to keep my mind off sex. lots of masturbating doesn't even seem to help. seriously starting to rack my brain for fuck buddy candidates... hard to work out, even, with so many hot guys at the gym...
i'm worried that i'm going to lose control of my bladder / bowel function on a max effort. that is the main worry that i have that holds me back, i think. do other people get this? do you just think 'fuck it' and try the attempt anyway? or am i unusual in this respect?
i think my waist is starting to thicken. i'm not really so worried about my body and what it looks like... but i'm starting to get scared that i'm turning into a dude or something (with the sex drive too). i've also started feeling pretty confident / narcissistic... having trouble sleeping more than 3 hours at a time. feeling a little... paranoid / grandiose - hard to explain. need to feel wound up in some way in order to get the weight up sometimes... i'm very sensitive about my personal space. often feel like the gym guys get in my face even though they probably don't mean to. feel rage or something... can use that for good with the weight. don't feel like punching anyone or anything. but just worried about my levels of aggression / lust in general, i guess.
hard for me to know if things will just settle down eventually or if i should back off or something for a little bit. dunno. anyway... needed to talk to someone about this stuff. thanks for listening.