As far as not getting big goes, as a female, it will probably be rather hard to 'get huge', however, you can definitely get stronger and more toned. To see what I mean, have a look at some of the photos on: http://www.maryseturcotte.com/ She's an Olympic weightlifter, she trains constantly, and could easily lift me over her head without breaking a sweat, but she still looks hot. There's a quote I heard somewhere that fits here:
"Behind every worthwhile curve, there is a well-developed muscle"
I.e. to get a great butt, deadlift. To get great legs, squat. If you want to shed some fat, try Alwyn Cosgrove's "AfterBurn" method