I’m told by one of my colleagues in California that there’s an Orthodontist who is busy all day long putting braces on women who feel they are too fat. Then he uses a thin, 014 gauge ligature wire to tie the top and bottom braces together. Voila ! The patient can’t open their mouth, but can get fluids in through spaces at the sides of their piehole. Weight loss occurs in record time.

Just thought I’d share that with you fine folks. If anyone wants this procedure in Alberta, I’d be happy to oblige. Except for Cupcake, who looks sublime. Even without his flame shirt.

ps. j/k, I won’t do that. Not in my narrow ethical agenda.

This procedure sounds equally effective for preventing thin, bitchy girls from yapping your ear off.

And, as a little perk, they can talk. As such, you don’t have to listen to them complaining about how much they miss their Doritos.


Oh my god! I just realised that I haven’t had doritos in over a year!

But how the hell are they going to go down on you? This is an outrage.

I just can’t believe that people can’t starve themselves like a good anorexic. I mean really, how hard is it not to eat?


are you referring to original or cool ranch flavor?

On my 18th birthday, I was in the hospital waiting for my jaw surgery to begin.

They had to move my lower jaw back and recenter it. Afterwards, I had my jaw wired shut for 6-weeks. But there was a opening big enough to fit a straw through.

By that time, I had already begun training and was learning about nutrition. I knew that I did not want to lose alot of weight, so I had my parents make sure there was plenty of peanut butter, soups, yogurt, etc. around. I even figured a way of “eating” tuna fish. My condition actually improved faster than what my surgeon had expected and I had experienced very little bruising and swelling (bruising and swelling went away/down w/in 2 weeks).

Wild. So that’s my little story.

BTW, regarding this post: Crazy. Just crazy.

Cool Ranch, of course.

fucking aye, cool ranch doritos rule!