OH man…It’s Halloween and I’m a vampire. I put on my fangs, eye black, fake blood, vampire medallion and cape. I drink a few gin & tonics at my house. I’m lookin pretty vampy. I figure I’m FINALLY going to get to hook up with the cute redhead that lives on the 2nd floor. They’re having a houseparty and I’m going to go to it later.
I head to a bar first and apparently get a couple rum & cokes. I head back to my apartment and head to the 2nd floor. They’re having a 40 oz.er halloween party. Perfect. I love 40s. I drink one. I see the girl, she looks fucking adorable. I realize that I’m pretty drunk. I do a quick calculation and realize I’ve probably had about 10 shots of hard liquor and a 40 in under 75 minutes.
I figure, whatever, I can handle it. I figure I’ll go talk to her after I finish my next 40. I go into the bathroom because I have to pee. That’s the last thing I remember.
I wake up this morning face down in my bed, with my costume and boots still on, an mp3 playing on my computer that’s stuck repeating a 1 second loop from the middle of the song for some reason, a half empty 40 by my bed, and my cape drawn up over my head. I get up and light shines in my face and I actually hiss and draw the cape up over my face. It would’ve been funny if anyone else was there to see it. I vaguely remember throwing up in my bathroom at some point in the night.
I see one of my room mates, he headed up there long after I had left. He actually talked to the girl and she said that I told her I threw up 14 times. The girl I want to hook up with. I walked up to her and told her I threw up 14 times.
Who the FUCK does that?? Who says “Hey there’s that pretty girl I like. I’ll go impress her by telling her that I just ejaculated my stomach contents over a dozen times.” I mean I didn’t even throw up when I was in their apartment. I didn’t throw up until later. I was lying to this girl and simultaneously killing any chance I ever have of hooking up with her.
I am never. drinking. again. after this weekend.