T Nation

Negative people


#1

I've been getting ino meditation lately (not as much as I'd like to) maybe about 15 minutes to half an hour a day. Overall I find it helps at times, although I'm quite certain that I've yet to even scratch the surface of my potential. Anyway, I've noticed that while I seem to be or at least try to be more at peace with people, most of those around me are negative. Almost all of my freinds are dealers of some sort, and use in some cases, my family members are constantly fighting, even my new dog that I've had for almost a year now won't let me pet it. Point is I haven't yet learned what would be the appropriate way to deal with these kind of things. Is the whole idea that as long as you have inner peace, things that go on around you will just flow. I realize that I'm probably looking for an answer that doesn't exist but asking doesn't hurt. BTW please don't say "avoid negative people" I realize this and while it may be the truth it's just not possible. Therefore if that's your advice just accept that I cannot take it. Thanks.

Wideguy


#2

yeah, i know the feeling. not that i meditate, but i know the feeling. my family is always fighting. they're so negative. i had many friends that were that way. even when something good happened to me, they were negative about it. so i said screw you to those friends and don't talk to them anymore. that's one reason i only have two (well, one now, but that's a long story) friends. i had a bunch, even more girls that were friends...but they were jerks and made me mad.

no, i don't have an answer...sorry. i understand what you're saying, though.


#3

seek tranquility and you will lose it; you can only find it within yourself

i forgot where this quote is from exactly.. but i love it.


#4

That's sort of what I was saying but much not expressed as beautifully. BTW morg that still qualifies as an answer, thanks.


#5

My family fights a fair bit as well. As I like to say, "We put the FUN in disFUNctional."

As far as friends, I came to a realization a few years ago that a lot of people in my life were bringing me down too often. Negative comments, arguements, petty stuff. So I started to think to myself, "do these people have an overall positive influence on my life?" If I couldn't say 'yes', I weeded them out. Eventually I left a lot of my old college buddies behind, ex-girlfriends who I was still 'friends' with, and others along the way.

I really don't have any advice for you but this is what worked for me to bring more peace and happiness to my daily life.


#6

Yo, Wideguy, aaaaaammmmmmmm, I'm sending you positive vibes!

Seriously, I hear what you're saying. I think a positive outlook is really important, sometimes I'll catch myself being negative and do my best to change it.

One thing I find that helps is to think about the "journey of life is." This may sound a little cheesy, but I like to think about life as an unwritten book and I get pumped to add something great to each chapter.

Maybe spend some time reflecting on where you are now in life and what direction you want to go. When you find yourself with an idea, start "writing" that chapter. I bet you find the negative stuff that surrounds you fades away as you concentrate on the positive steps you're taking on your journey. Sometimes I just get so pumped to be alive and be in the "thick" of it.

Write your own book and make it one worth reading!

Hope I didn't weird anyone out...ahhhmmmmm.....aahhhhmmmm....


#7

Thanks for the love.


#8

Avoid negative people. Oh, sorry.

Just keep your meditations and your focus on the good that is all around you, if you choose to see it.

There will always be negativity, but recognize that it is the inherent trait of man himself that this is a reflection of, not the true "creative intelligence", or "spirit", or "God", or whatever we choose to call it that flows through and around us.

Have understanding and empathy for the people who choose the "wrong" path, but don't get caught up in their problems to the point that they bring you down.

Offer hope, encouragement, and guidance, but don't let their problems bring you down to their level.

Remember, focus on the good.

yeah, I know. Deep :slightly_smiling:


#9

Just smile and walk away.


#10

Try to be professional with such people. Don't tell them your deep feeling, secrets. Reach out to positive people so that their influence can somehow be an antidote to negative stuff going around. Having a job and doing things you love is also important as it'll help you adjust better.
Hope that helped.


#11

Grab them by the throat and pummel them into a mash.

Peace =)


#12

The Way of the Peaceful Warrior by Dan Millman

The Tao Te Ching translated by Stephen Mitchell


#13

Okay Wideguy sorry I called you a "meathead" in your last thread. Did you have to lay this guilt trip on me?

All kidding aside, here is a subject that I can appreciate. I have found that life is a circle, and you ultimately get back what you put into it! Sort of like one of your training sessions, but less direct, more esoteric.

You may not think that you are negative, but there might be some things that you are doing in one area of your life that are causing pain to others. You most likely do not even realize it. That pain is coming back to you in other ways! We all like to think that we are "good people". The question then becomes, what is good? Certain behaviors cannot be listed under the category of "good". Even though they may feel "good".

At one point in my life, many years ago. I was so caught up in pleasing myself on a daily basis. Everything was "me" first. I didn't realize true happiness was only found when we spent time pleasing others! In my case I met my wife and shortly after we were married an had children, before I brought true harmony and love into my life. It was in the serving of others, my wife and children, that I drew "positive energy" into my life.

I continue this sort of behavior by giving to charity and volunteering to help others who are less fortunate. Whenever we give, we receive. Ever teach someone how to do a certain exercise? In the process of showing that person, you actually see the exercise differently and understand it better yourself, which ends up helping you! The circle is more eveident with this example, but I think life is very much like this.

If you want peace and harmony in your life you must project peace and harmony from within. Then manifest this love to others on a regular basis. Do you do this? You are not the center of the universe! I used to think I was, and those were the most miserable times of my life.

It may seem difficult to understand at first. However, I believe the fighting all around you, and people,(even your dog) reacting negatively to you is actually your fault in some strange circular manner.

I would wager that you are doing something in your life currently that forbids this sort of harmony from coming into your life. what could that be?

Glad to hear that you are meditating, keep at it! The answer just may come to you during one of your meditaitons. However, After you are finished with one of your meditating sessions, put your shoes back on and go down to the local food pantry and help unload a truck or two!

All the best to you!

Zeb


#14

What's up with your dog?


#15

You already know the answer Wideguy: minimize your contact with negative people, maximize your contact with positive people.

You slowly become like those around you, it's inevitable, imperceptible sometimes, but it's the truth.

I have some negative people in my extended family that I minimize contact with, I've pretty much cut off all contact with other family members. It's hard enough to be a positive person in this world without a bunch of people dragging you down.


#16

ZEB's been trying to give you the answer the whole time... :slight_smile: Sorry, I had to.

Actually, Ive found that if I simply smile at people who probably dont get smiled at all that much, it tends to pick up both of our days and some of the not so important stuff fades to black.


#17

I guess this qualifies as a stupid question but why in hell do you hang around with "dealers"?


#18

Zeb, before I respond and perhaps come off as unappreciating let me say that isn't my intent. Every christmas for the past few years I do volunteer work with this program my mother has been working with that wraps gifts for unfortunate children, I also take my best freind's (who committed suicide 3 years ago) grandmother out to lunch every other month or so, on her b-day and around chrismas time, I did a ton of free yardwork for my neighbor who has been fighting cancer, I make up training and diet programs for anyone who is willing to try to make a change in there sedentary lives, try my hardest to keep positive and understanding with my younger brother who used to have a really bad drug problem, and try to be a good "friend" to my ex fiance who has numerous physical and mental problems. And while it may seem unrelated I've been giving some Serious thought to becoming a police officer. BTW while you tip-toed around it I will acknowledge your slight refference to my open attitude about sex. Not sure what to say about that. If I had any unclaimed illegitament children that'd be a diff. story. So I can't see any connection there. I don't force myself upon any of my lady friends, unless they want me to :slight_smile:


#19

Only you can decide how to deal with the situations in your life. I would bet as long as you keep putting a positive foot forward things will eventually work for you.

Thinking about becoming a Police Officer is great but I suggest you really get all your issuses and stressors unders control because thinking about that shit while you are on duty can get your ass killed.

Keep up the good fight


#20

Wideguy, you cannot and should not ignore negative situations in your life.

Remember, anger is just as necessary and important as love. It's like a little kid's painting really - you get a mix of different feelings in very odd ways. The purpose of meditation is not to teach how to ignore or avoid these, nor is it to teach you to change these. The purpose of meditation is to teach to ACCEPT these, so that you're more at peace with yourself and the world around you. That includes accepting anger when present.

There was a very good book written on this but I forget the name.

Either way, meditation will help you, and I wonder if it'll help eliminate mental blocks allowing you to lift slightly heavier at the gym. It's certainly worth exploring.

At the very least it seems to me it will speed up recovery after a workout and may certainly better prepare you for a better workout by improving the signal from the brain to the muscle. I think it is a potentially very powerful tool, especially in situations where mental/emotional blocks may exist - as pointed out by Ian King.