T Nation

NeelyDan's Lawn


#1

Hello my pretties,

Any landscape/lawn care enthusiasts out there?

My soon to be wife and I recently bought in a small town in southern ontario (shadap, court) and I want my lawn to be the lawn everyone guagues their lawn against, because I am driven through the validation of others.

Basically my lawn is thin, lots of dandelions and clover, and basically unappealing. Ghetto, really. So tell me, what are my steps towards getting the lawn of my dreams? Bonus points for solutions not involving weed n feed/weed killers, as they've all been banned here in howling liberal ontario.

ps neelydan is a howling liberal


#2

"guagues"? Is that some funky French-Canadien word? J/K.

If you're already overgrown with dandelions and clover and you can't use weed killers, what you can do is wait until sometime in August and then kill it off. Spread newspapers all over the lawn and then cover it with black plastic. In about 3-4 weeks, everything will be dead. Remove the plastic and rake up whatever newspaper and dead weeds are left. Till the soil (you may also need to treat your soil if the pH isn't great), seed it, cover with straw and water daily. Ideally you will want to seed in September since the chances of weeds infiltrating are much lower then. You will have to be vigilant in removing by hand any weeds that come up. Dandelions are actually the easiest weed to get rid of because they are very visible and as long as you pull them up by the roots before the flower turns to spores, you're all set.

No weed-n-feed [shakes head]. What a bunch of commies.

DB


#3

Astroturf.


#4

X2, tear up all the sod and just put in the fake shit. These days you can get some really good quality turf that looks good from a distance.


#5

heeheeheehee
heeheeheehee
heeheeheehee

PS. You spelled my name wrong. Don't forget to capitalize! It's Court to you Neely.


#6

Neely, I'm the possessor of herbicide. Shhhhh. Don't tell anyone. My lawn was getting over run by devil's claw and bugle weed.

I'm with the tear it up and start over then stay on top of the mess. However, you may want to consider the fact that the people that are typically most concerned about their lawns are crotchety old men. If you're going to waste too much head space on it, you'll need to purchase a cardigan. If you need the approval of others, let it be for dick size or cash.

Speaking of cash, you could just hire lawn care guys to do it for you.


#7


The Mrs gets most of the credit


#8

some more


#9

You could try running it over with a plug areator then seeding it heavily with a thick growing weed resistant grass. Check local nurseries for what ever blend is best for your climate region.

Also get the pH of the soil checked and adjusted. This combined with a good grass blend will definitely help to overrun the weeds. Milorganite is a good fertilizer that will give most grasses a very dark rich green, but weeds love it too, so save that for last.


#10

Decent advice, but I've never heard of the newspaper and straw routine.

We purchased a house a few years ago where the people that used to live here let it go (sounds like your place actually). What we did, was pull as many weeds as possible with one of those dandelion pullers, then put a good 4" of fresh soil across our lawn (don't buy the bagged stuff as it'll cost you a mint - get it trucked in).

We raked it and rolled it flat, then seeded with a top quality lawn seed - don't cheap out as it makes a HUGE difference.

We have a patch of lawn that runs along the side of the house that got dug up by an excavator that came over. We've debated about turning this patch of earth into a parking lot and getting an RV, but we couldn't make up our minds. I needed to do SOMETHING with it, for the dirt we put on top and rolled was starting to get washed away with rain and wind, so I told my wife to pick me up some CHEAP lawn seed as it's a small strip I don't care about.

She picked up some shat from Walmart that was sooooo cheap!

Long story short, the lawn that grew looks like a pile of crab grass and disgusts me every time I see it (every day). I wish I could rip it up and re-do it, but I don't want to spend good money after bad on this little patch.

So my advice on the seed is don't cheap out and get the best you can afford.


#11

NeelyDan should wait until labor day, rent a slit seeder, and use a ton of good quality seed.

Most of Eric's lawn was killed by grubs a few years ago, and this got it going again, after Eric offed the grubs with some grub poison.

Use at least double the recommended amount of seed, Eric used 12,000 sq ft worth of seed on about 5,000 sq ft of lawn. Overseeding is best done in the fall.


#12

Concrete + green paint = win


#13

i think the best course is to rip it up. improve the soil and make sure you have decent topsoil 150mm for seed or 100mm for rolls of turf. plenty of food and water for a month. DONT WALK ON IT


#14

neelydan likes your style

i don't mind going the start over route....what's the best way - rip up the existing sod, or just plop a yard and a half of soil on top of it and then seed?


#15

Hang on to that stuff, it's GOLD!

And it's BECAUSE of my dick size that I need approval of others.


#16

Overseeding works where you're not overrun by weeds, especially those with strong root systems, like dandelions and crabgrass. They will just reappear a little while after your new grass starts to show up. Then they will take over by choking out the roots of the new grass.

DB


#17

rip 'er up, copy that ghost rider


#18


Perhaps...since NeelyDan cannot or will not use weed killer.

Do NeelyDan or DB know what a slit seeder is? Looks like a lawn mower, but it carves deep vertical slits deep into the soil, through thatch, grass, weeds etc. and leaves the seeds deep in the soil. Eric went right over dead grass, weeds and even some fungus.

Eric spent about 125 bucks for the rental of the slit seeder and seed. Lawn is the best one in the 'hood now.

Before photo attached.


#19

Ahh man :smiley: Unfuckingbelievable. Dudes and their lawns :smiley:

Its good to be free <grinnin>


#20

How bout some more with the mrs. on the swing, in a bikini say for example?

Nice yard.

How big of a space are you talking about Neely? I have pretty much removed all the grass from my 1/3 acre lot. I have a huge dick, swimming pool and giant flower beds. I keep weeds down by using newspaper covered with the neighbor's grass clippings. Yes, I've had the police called on me for picking up my neighbor's bags of grass clippings....I no longer visit that particular neighbor's house.