T Nation

need some advice

All right, first of all a little background information before I ask my question. I recently got back together w/ my ex-girlfriend of about 1 1/2 years. We broke up in November because she went away to school and it just wasn’t working. Anyway, she had a beef w/ me doing any drugs or alchohol. I smoked a lil pot here and there, nothing major and I didn’t drink at the time. So in those few months she changed her mind and started going to parties and getting drunk and what not. So when I started talking to her again I was like cool, she said she was ok with anything I did that it was my life blah blah blah. And so last night I went to my friend’s house and hung out with them. I hadn’t hung out with them in maybe 3 or 4 weeks, because they are just stoners that are boring and don’t do anything. So I had a few beers and when they smoked a doob I had maybe 3 or 4 hits, nothing major. So now she’s all mad and worried that I’m going to become a pothead again, which believe you me won’t ever happen. I plan on training hard this summer for hockey in the fall so that I may play for a junior A team that scouted me. So weed isn’t part of that equation. So that all being said, what should I do about her?
Should I just break up w/ her again? Thanks.

I hate a nagging female! That being said, if thats all she bitches about and its not really that big a thing to you. Why not just stop smoking pot? I understand about the chill’n wit da homies thing I really do, but weigh your choices and decide on whats most important to you. Pot or the chick.

James, haha, ok. I have to chuckle at that, because I chose her over pot. I was just testing to see if she really meant what she said. Yes, I agree with you pot is not that important I can live without it. Like I said I h aven’t smoked in like a month and even that last time was just a couple hits. I even told her I won’t do it if it still bothers her. But she doesn’t believe me because I said it before and ended up smoking again. But that was a long time ago and I’ve definately learned a lesson that pot is not good thing to be smoked a lot. So that being said, what is your opinion now?

I ran across mistake number one in the first few lines of the email, so I won’t read any further: you are again with your ex. Big mistake. Sex with your ex - OK… anything else - predestined for failure.

hey who do you play for now, and what jr A team scouted you? i played prep school, but decided against the jrs, and then i took up bodybuilding.

I’m not on a junior A team, but I am from michigan and some dude started a new junior A league here and the team I was scouted for is called the Downriver Lumberjacks.

Why wait for the summer to start training? Start training now. Check your priorities, if hockey’s your goal: lay off the grass and get goin’. You only live once, when you’re fifty what do you want to tell your grandkids about your life? Oh and you should wait at least a year to get back with an ex, drop her.

It sounds to me like she has a complex or something. Its not like you’re a pothead(anymore). I don’t see what the big deal is? You’re into sports and being healthly,… so what if you took a couple of hits off da old reefer. Its not like you’re cooking up rocks in her parents kitchen. She should drop this paranoid act immediatly. Yea yea then shes going to say “its only because I Love You” but, if she loved you she would TRUST you. Trust is a major part of any relationship if she can’t trust you maybe she shouldn’t be in the relationship. She needs to take you at your word and leave it at that. Hey, I’m no Dr. Dru or Adam Corolla (sp) but I call’em like I see’em. Good luck bud let me know how it turns out.

Well, I guess she beat me to the punch. She just told me today that “I just want to be friends.” She’s not doing this because of Saturday, but because we had a couple minor misunderstandings, “fights” as she calls them. She thinks if we are just friends that we won’t “fight” at all, which is true because I’m not going to talk to her. So she’s right on target with that one. I guess she wants a guy that won’t say anything when he see’s something wrong or when she does something that he disagrees with. God knows I’m not one of THOSE guys. I mean, I could REALLY fight with her about something, if I wanted to. The first time I saw her again she got me an illegal left turn ticket and that ticket is going to get my license suspended. I could be bitter about that, but I’m not. Oh well, I tried. I’m thinking that when she calls or tries to talk to me again I should just say, “I’m not going to talk to you because I don’t want to risk getting into a fight. Goodbye.” I think that would be good, any opinions?

Sounds like you still want to be with her, despite all your protestations, and that’s why you are imagining all these different scenarios in your head and what you would say if…

You are so right.

The thing is if she couldn’t accept him for who he was and the mistakes that he had made…then he needs to forget about her and find someone who can.

I think that you need to figure some things out for yourself before you even think about getting back with her. Is this the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with? Does she feel the same way? If the answer is no to either, leave her now and save yourself the time and effort that you could use to lift or holler at other females. If you really love her and arn’t just with her to get some, then let her know that. Don’t let her interfere with your training. Also let her know that it is important to you to train so she won’t be able to get mad at yo when you spend countless hours doing so. It is important to always communicate with her and be honest with her about what you want. ask her what she wants. if you can’t remember what she tells you (because of the marijuana smoke) write it down. You probably didn’t smoke just to test her, you probably really wanted to. If she doesn’t want you to smoke than don’t, ever. its better for you anyways(two steps foward, one step back).When you are in a relationship with someone your actions effect the other person, even if it is only a few hits. If you have promised her that you would quit?/stop?, you must have meant it so it should mean something today and everyday. If you are having problems stopping then make a list of reasons why you shouldn’t, and what you should do if you feel like you want to and read it every time you feel the urge. good luck with your girl and stay clean for yourself and for your relationship if you or her means anything to you.

So, you do still want to be with her. Why? Do you still love her, or is she just convenient? As Jonny B said, “is this the one you want to spend the rest of your life with?” I think that may be a little strong because I get the feeling that you both are relatively young, so to answer a life-long committment at this point may be beyond where you are at. However, do you want to be with her because of who she is and what she means to you at this point in your life? Or, do you still want to be with her because seeing her again has brought back some old feelings and it seems that getting back together would be easier and simpler than actually moving on. It takes awhile to get over someone, especially when old feelings flood back because of an encounter. At any rate, once you figure that out, then you need to talk to her. People really hurt themselves and others by NOT SAYING stuff to each other that needs to be said. It’s so much easier to get naked with someone than to open up your heart and your emotions–but if you TRULY care for this girl, then you need to really open up to her, and she to you. I wish you luck!

She might be seeing something that you don’t in regards to your minor drup use, or she might just be creating drama, which we all know women do from time to time. If the latter is the case, I say provide her with the drama and threaten to break up with her, she’ll love you for it.

see if you were reading the posts you would know she broke up with me already yesterday.

Oh man! I kick myself now. I just found out why she really dumped me(of course it didn’t come from her). A big part of it was because I took those 3 hits of pot, I know I’m such a bad guy, but theres also another big reason. She wants to get with this kid that after we broke up the first time, went psycho and called her like 10 times a day and one time was waiting on her porch when she got home from school, so she went to her friend’s and cried. So this is the kid she wants to get with. I have to chuckle at that. Anyway, all I have to say is fuck stupid bitches. I’m done wasting my time. Time to train.

A-men to that, Steve. Hit the weights and find a better one. Plenty of fish in the sea. What’s the proverb… Hos are dime a dozen? :slight_smile:

Let’s face it, you really don’t want this much hassle from a woman. You are going to be moving and she’s going to get all insecure. My advice, being from Minnesota, I know there are girls with the “hockey fetish.” They’ll fuck a guy just because he plays hockey and they’re always damn hot. Find one and have some fun, probably no strings attached.

How do you think I met her? :wink: