Need A Man's Perspective: Motivate My Husband

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21

[quote]Professor X wrote:
MarvelGirl wrote:
If you’re 60 pounds overweight then I don’t really think you can complain yet. I know I’d be offended if my fat spouse told me that I need to get into shape.

Agreed. Until you actually get lean, any griping about his body will just come across like pointless nagging.

This goes back to dedication. You don’t get props just for STARTING to exercise. Also, if you are carrying in excess of 50lbs of extra body weight, you get praise when you diet much more off than you have.[/quote]

Do not agree.

She has lost weight and had babies. He got fat and quit.

She is already exhibiting dedication. He’s a punk.

PX I have read your posts to men in this situation and you never harp at the guys. Why the double talk?

EDIT: and also you would have told the man to dump the fat wife.

22

[quote]OctoberGirl wrote:
The OP is working on losing her weight. She isn’t the issue. All you folks jumping on and saying she should shut up until she loses the weight are the same ones that “amen” to every “bulking beast” that talks about the 30lbs his wife has put on.

get over it.

She’s working on a healthy lifestyle and just wants some suggestions for motivating her spouse.

When they married they were both in good shape. He PUSSIED OUT and got fat. She had 3 kids.

if you have some suggestions, great. If you just want to lay junk on a person already putting in the effort, you are a tool.

fucking bandwagon jumpers, I swear to god

[/quote]

If any human being thinks they will reach middle age without having to exercise to stay in shape without getting fat, they are delusional. That means that if a couple gets married and neither have the mentality that regular exercise is a good thing, it is simply a matter of time before they both get fat.

That goes for the military or anywhere else. Obviously, neither of them felt that daily exercise was a good thing when they first got married outside of whatever the military dictated.

That doesn’t mean he “pussied out”. He never started to begin with.

She is the one who has changed (which is a good thing), but the woman he married wasn’t interested in working out apparently. That is why he will brush off anything she says on the issue BECAUSE SHE IS STILL CARRYING THE EXTRA WEIGHT.

He obviously doesn’t care that he has a beer belly. She now does care about her own.

She needs to face the fact that she will NOT change his mind for him and possibly the only thing that will get through to him is if she actually makes SIGNIFICANT progress.

Otherwise, he will continue to not care…and frankly, that is who she married, someone who doesn’t care about what shape he is in.

Why do women think they can change people?

23

[quote]Professor X wrote:
I honestly feel that things like this should be worked out BEFORE marriage. If you both are slobs when you get married, does it really shock anyone that when one person CHANGES drastically and the other doesn’t that there are problems?

This would seem to be more of an issue for people who marry extremely young (like before the age of 25).

Her husband hates exercise. From the sounds of it, she did too until recently.

The only way someone can be justified in allowing this to end a marriage is if one was a health freak to begin with and the other pretended to be until they got married. Otherwise, if you knew the person well enough, expecting them to change drastically doesn’t make much sense.[/quote]

Profx, I agree that if both were slobs before marriage then this SHOULD have been worked out before. Of course we don’t know the detail but from the sounds of it they both WERE in tip top shape.

Then they both let themselves go. Then she gets back on track and he shows no interest whatsoever. To me this does sound like false advertising (on the surface).

In my case, I didn’t do my due diligence and actually married for all of the wrong reasons over and above this one so I learned the hard way.

24

[quote]Professor X wrote:
OctoberGirl wrote:

The OP is working on losing her weight. She isn’t the issue. All you folks jumping on and saying she should shut up until she loses the weight are the same ones that “amen” to every “bulking beast” that talks about the 30lbs his wife has put on.

get over it.

She’s working on a healthy lifestyle and just wants some suggestions for motivating her spouse.

When they married they were both in good shape. He PUSSIED OUT and got fat. She had 3 kids.

if you have some suggestions, great. If you just want to lay junk on a person already putting in the effort, you are a tool.

fucking bandwagon jumpers, I swear to god

If any human being thinks they will reach middle age without having to exercise to stay in shape without getting fat, they are delusional. That means that if a couple gets married and neither have the mentality that regular exercise is a good thing, it is simply a matter of time before they both get fat.

That doesn’t mean he “pussied out”. He never started to begin with.

She is the one who has changed (which is a good thing), but the woman he married wasn’t interested in working out apparently. That is why he will brush off anything she says on the issue BECAUSE SHE IS STILL CARRYING THE EXTRA WEIGHT.

He obviously doesn’t care that he has a beer belly. She now does care about her own.

She needs to face the fact that she will NOT change his mind for him and possibly the only thing that will get through to him is if she actually makes SIGNIFICANT progress.

Otherwise, he will continue to not care…and frankly, that is who she married, someone who doesn’t care about what shape he is in.

Why do women think they can change people?[/quote]

PX?? Did you even read that they met in the service when they were both in top shape?

he had a 6-pack and was in good shape. Why wouldn’t she think that was part of his lifestyle?

It isn’t her trying to change him, it is her trying to cope with him HAVING PUSSIED OUT AND CHANGED.

the slob gave up

25

[quote]randman wrote:
…from the sounds of it they both WERE in tip top shape.

Then they both let themselves go. Then she gets back on track and he shows no interest whatsoever. To me this does sound like false advertising (on the surface).

In my case, I didn’t do my due diligence and actually married for all of the wrong reasons over and above this one so I learned the hard way.[/quote]

Yes, but the military alone is why they were in shape (more than likely). This is like those football players who quit playing and then gain 400lbs. They gained the weight because the ONLY reason they exercised before was because of football.

That means if you are marrying someone who does NOT believe that regular exercise FOR THEMSELVES is a good thing, EXPECT for that person to get fatter over time.

That’s just life and the way things are.

It doesn’t matter if you married a damned fitness model. If she wasn’t doing it for herself at all, eventually, she will quit once whatever stimulus made her train is gone.

26

[quote]OctoberGirl wrote:
Professor X wrote:
OctoberGirl wrote:

The OP is working on losing her weight. She isn’t the issue. All you folks jumping on and saying she should shut up until she loses the weight are the same ones that “amen” to every “bulking beast” that talks about the 30lbs his wife has put on.

get over it.

She’s working on a healthy lifestyle and just wants some suggestions for motivating her spouse.

When they married they were both in good shape. He PUSSIED OUT and got fat. She had 3 kids.

if you have some suggestions, great. If you just want to lay junk on a person already putting in the effort, you are a tool.

fucking bandwagon jumpers, I swear to god

If any human being thinks they will reach middle age without having to exercise to stay in shape without getting fat, they are delusional. That means that if a couple gets married and neither have the mentality that regular exercise is a good thing, it is simply a matter of time before they both get fat.

That doesn’t mean he “pussied out”. He never started to begin with.

She is the one who has changed (which is a good thing), but the woman he married wasn’t interested in working out apparently. That is why he will brush off anything she says on the issue BECAUSE SHE IS STILL CARRYING THE EXTRA WEIGHT.

He obviously doesn’t care that he has a beer belly. She now does care about her own.

She needs to face the fact that she will NOT change his mind for him and possibly the only thing that will get through to him is if she actually makes SIGNIFICANT progress.

Otherwise, he will continue to not care…and frankly, that is who she married, someone who doesn’t care about what shape he is in.

Why do women think they can change people?

PX?? Did you even read that they met in the service when they were both in top shape?

he had a 6-pack and was in good shape. Why wouldn’t she think that was part of his lifestyle?

It isn’t her trying to change him, it is her trying to cope with him HAVING PUSSIED OUT AND CHANGED.

the slob gave up

[/quote]

Do you know how many out of shape retired military I know in their late 30’s who ONLY stayed in shape because the military made them?

These are things you find out about a person BEFORE you marry them.

27

[quote]Professor X wrote:
OctoberGirl wrote:

PX?? Did you even read that they met in the service when they were both in top shape?

he had a 6-pack and was in good shape. Why wouldn’t she think that was part of his lifestyle?

It isn’t her trying to change him, it is her trying to cope with him HAVING PUSSIED OUT AND CHANGED.

the slob gave up

Do you know how many out of shape retired military I know in their late 30’s who ONLY stayed in shape because the military made them?

These are things you find out about a person BEFORE you marry them.[/quote]

PX… I know quite a few in the military…

But I also know quite a few that really thought they were into working out and then fell out of it.

And PX, you are assuming they never talked about it. You are stating they never talked about it. I’ve read the OPs posts. She never stated that.

Stop stating that they should have discussed this prior to marriage until you know they hadn’t. Unless you’ve been PMing with the OP?

now do you have any suggestions on how she can motivate her husband? This was the cause of the original post. Not… “why is it my fault my fat husband is a pussy.”

28

[quote]Professor X wrote:
Yes, but the military alone is why they were in shape (more than likely). This is like those football players who quit playing and then gain 400lbs. They gained the weight because the ONLY reason they exercised before was because of football.

That means if you are marrying someone who does NOT believe that regular exercise FOR THEMSELVES is a good thing, EXPECT for that person to get fatter over time.

That’s just life and the way things are.

It doesn’t matter if you married a damned fitness model. If she wasn’t doing it for herself at all, eventually, she will quit once whatever stimulus made her train is gone.[/quote]

OK, this is possible that he was just staying in shape because of the military. I’ll give you that. So let’s take this to the end state. She didn’t do her due diligence well before getting married (like me). And she gets herself back in tip-top shape. And has talks with him. And changes all of the food to healthy fare, blah, blah, blah.

And it’s a couple of years later and he still shows NO INTEREST in changing and as a matter of fact, he’s fatter still. Then what should she do?

Stay in the relationship because she didn’t do her due diligence effectively beforehand? I know I didn’t. And I was at the point that the weight issue WAS that big of a deal. I just can’t see staying in a relationship out of obligation if you are simply not happy.

And having a partner very out of shape can be a huge factor for some and be a major source for the unhappiness with your partner. I know it’s a huge factor for me. So I guess I can be judged for the fact that I would end up leaving if everything else was tried above and still no change.

29

You can not change how someone is, they have to be ready for change. I agree this should have been worked out before. A moot point now so there is no reason to dwell on it.

I would get a life insurance policy for both of you.

When he asks why, you can explain all of the risks and express how you don’t want to raise your children alone, but if you do you want to be able to afford it.

If that doesn’t work start feeding him cookies…

30

All i care about is WHAT shape the dear old hubby is in at this point when she is 60 pounds overweight. If I were a 60 pounds overweight woman, i wouldn;t even MENTION “six pack” in my list of complaints.

If she is one of the obese women who watches ‘Sex and the City" and fantasizes about getting "hot’ dudes and still being a wrinkled porker, she needs to get her head out of her ass and look in the mirror before she complains about her husband not being RIPPED.

if she had said “I gained a ton of weight, and my husband became OBESE…now I;m losing the weight and he refuses to work out and improve himself” I would agree with everything that she said here.

From her posts, she isn;t trying to be a fitness model or anything, but rather wants to be a dumpy woman married to a ripped guy, and thats something I have a serious problem with. This is just a reversal of the American sitcom where we have fat guys married to slender sexy women, and just as ridiculous.

[quote]OctoberGirl wrote:
It isn’t her trying to change him, it is her trying to cope with him HAVING PUSSIED OUT AND CHANGED.

the slob gave up
[/quote]

31

kbragg -

Does he suffer from “The Dickie-doo”?

32

THAT is the root of the problem.
I attract more older (usually married) women when I go out because the ones my age have been brainwashed into thinking anyone who bodyuilds is an insecure egomaniac.

The older ones fell into the same trap, married regular dudes who were in tolerable shape but not remotely interested in laying a foundation of muscle to maintain when they reached middle age…

and now relaize the error of their ways, and proposition the muscular younger men they shunned earlier while at the same time (probably) making threads on a bbsite saying
"Hi, many years back i married a normal looking guy who was ripped at that age, but since he had very little muscle mass (like most guys that age who feel big muscles are icky and don;t bodybuild), he quickly got out of shape as we got older.

Now I want him to get back his 20 year old physique when he is 40 with lower testosterone and no muscle memory to bank on. Any ideas? And I am 60 pounds overweight btw. Cheers"

[quote]OctoberGirl wrote:
now do you have any suggestions on how she can motivate her husband? This was the cause of the original post. Not… “why is it my fault my fat husband is a pussy.”

[/quote]

33

[quote]randman wrote:
Professor X wrote:
Yes, but the military alone is why they were in shape (more than likely). This is like those football players who quit playing and then gain 400lbs. They gained the weight because the ONLY reason they exercised before was because of football.

That means if you are marrying someone who does NOT believe that regular exercise FOR THEMSELVES is a good thing, EXPECT for that person to get fatter over time.

That’s just life and the way things are.

It doesn’t matter if you married a damned fitness model. If she wasn’t doing it for herself at all, eventually, she will quit once whatever stimulus made her train is gone.

OK, this is possible that he was just staying in shape because of the military. I’ll give you that. So let’s take this to the end state. She didn’t do her due diligence well before getting married (like me). And she gets herself back in tip-top shape. And has talks with him. And changes all of the food to healthy fare, blah, blah, blah.

And it’s a couple of years later and he still shows NO INTEREST in changing and as a matter of fact, he’s fatter still. Then what should she do?

Stay in the relationship because she didn’t do her due diligence effectively beforehand? I know I didn’t. And I was at the point that the weight issue WAS that big of a deal. I just can’t see staying in a relationship out of obligation if you are simply not happy.

And having a partner very out of shape can be a huge factor for some and be a major source for the unhappiness with your partner. I know it’s a huge factor for me. So I guess I can be judged for the fact that I would end up leaving if everything else was tried above and still no change.[/quote]

I agree. A little extra weight is understandable for anyone. However, if you marry a girl and she gains 100lbs, there are some issues. What gets me are the obese guys who act like their wife should stay in shape.

It is a joint issue on all matters. It would seem the solution is to avoid jumping into marriage until you BOTH know yourselves and each other better than that.

There were no signs that she would just let herself go like that?

Either way, as far as this one issue, there isn’t much she can do but simply get herself into shape. She can’t MAKE him suddenly want to work hard at this. She also shouldn’t be surprised.

34

Yeah right. Like that has a snowflake’s chance in her ass of happening!

[quote]randman wrote:
And she gets herself back in tip-top shape.
[/quote]

35

[quote]Professor X wrote:
There were no signs that she would just let herself go like that?[/quote]

Yes, there were signs. I was too stupid and blind at the time to see them along with the other issues.

36

[quote]Professor X wrote:

Do you know how many out of shape retired military I know in their late 30’s who ONLY stayed in shape because the military made them?

These are things you find out about a person BEFORE you marry them.[/quote]

People change.

And who, when they are in their 20’s and look great, would believe that they would let themselves go 10 or 15 years in the future. I’m sure they all think that they will never let themselves go like that. Also, I think that for most, the slide towards being overweight can be so gradual that they don’t really realize it.

How does anyone really know some of these things about a person before the marriage? Many people on this site discuss bodybuilding or the gym as a means to get in shape purely to attract members of the opposite sex. How does a potential partner find out if this is the sole reason they work out?

37

[quote]Christine wrote:
People change. [/quote]

And are still too dumb to realize that in advance, I assume.

newsflash, if you didn’t bodybuild and lay a serious foundation of size in your 20’s you ARE going to look bad when you hit middle age unless you had outstanding genetics. Why do you think the rest of us work so hard to bulk up in our teens and twenties. If you want to have a six pack whe youre 40, you should be able to do a local show when you’re 25. Else, you’re fucked.

Its easy. If you look average in your 20’s you’re going to look HORRIBLE in your 40’s. Just look around you…all the semi-obese dudes and women walking around didn’t let themselves go. they just continues doing what they always did, but didn;t take the hormonal effects of aging into account.

Want to look good when youre 40. Add a SERIOUS foundation of size in your 20’s (male or female) or take AAS as you get older.

Want your husband or wife to look great at 40? marry a light heavyweight bodybuilder or figure competitor when you’re 25.

Its as simple as that.

38

[quote]Christine wrote:
Professor X wrote:

Do you know how many out of shape retired military I know in their late 30’s who ONLY stayed in shape because the military made them?

These are things you find out about a person BEFORE you marry them.

People change.

And who, when they are in their 20’s and look great, would believe that they would let themselves go 10 or 15 years in the future. I’m sure they all think that they will never let themselves go like that. Also, I think that for most, the slide towards being overweight can be so gradual that they don’t really realize it.

How does anyone really know some of these things about a person before the marriage? Many people on this site discuss bodybuilding or the gym as a means to get in shape purely to attract members of the opposite sex. How does a potential partner find out if this is the sole reason they work out?

[/quote]

I can see gaining 20lbs gradually over years and not noticing it. I can NOT see gaining in excess of 50lbs and not noticing it until the weight is on. That is where I call bullshit on the “we were both in top shape and then suddenly I had kids” argument.

That is the same excuse most women used for decades to explain their extra saddlebags after childbirth even though their kids are now in their 20’s.

It is also fairly well known that many men gain weight during pregnancy right along with their wife.

Again, it comes down to being serious about exercise or giving a shit about what shape you are in. No one truly goes from being in great shape to being obese by accident outside of metabolic disorders or diseases.

Also, on the point you made about them being in their 20’s compared to 15 years later…that is WHY I don’t believe in getting married before the age of 25.

Hell, most of the planet is in “great shape” while in high school. They also hit massive obesity in short order once they get married. That is NOT the same as someone who truly exercises on a regular basis for their own satisfaction.

39

ok my turn.

Congrats on wanting to get in shape. I made the same committment 1 year ago. I have so many years to go until my goal, but its going to be fun.

I say treat it like you would money troubles. Take his hands in yours, look him in the eye, have the TV OFF, then say “honey i am going to lose weight down to me ideal and i want you to join me”. Then if you have money join a gym and GO, or hit craigslist for used equipment for your home. Then USE it. With or without him.

If you cook, do south beach or something. He’ll have to eat that with you. If you shop, buy health food. No more crap. He’ll have to eat it.

Buy this book

it will help you communicate better. Have him read it. If he wont, i bet one day you, armed with techniques, will sway him.

40

My advice to the op, lead by example. Just keep doing what you’re doing and hopefully he’ll come around. If he doesn’t it then it sucks, but that’s who he is and you can’t change him.

Or just start doing all grocery shopping and cooking, and make sure all the food is healthy. It’ll be pretty damned hard for him to stay fat when he’s got nothing but salads and vegetables to eat.